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But sending her off to read books will not help her understand what we are saying.
Sure it will.
Please let us help her instead of sending her off on wild goose chases.
Reading SA is not a wild goose chase, it is great advice for her.
That is not helpful to her. Don't be part of the problem, Barbie.
....wow. How where you get that? I did not realise I was part of this posters problems. Nor do I wish to add to them.
I advised her to read the MB material.
Unless there is something new from Dr. H. I have not read yet, I believe the best way to learn MB is to read Dr. H's words.
....pardon for my confusion! I am not here to quarrel, nothing I have said is against MB advice, nor do I feel advising reading SA is bad advice.
Everyone have a good day, Peace out.
Last edited by barbiecat; 09/06/11 10:10 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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....pardon for my confusion! I am not here to quarrel, nothing I have said is against MB advice, nor do I feel advising reading SA is bad advice. What you are telling her is that she needs to go and read some more BEFORE she can take action. That is very counterproductive and I consider that kind of advice to be destructive. Of course we want her to read SAA, however, she is in a terrible situation that threatens her mental health. Action needs to be taken NOW, not later. If you want to help here, then encourage her to take action rather than encourage her to drag her feet. Women have nervous breakdowns over affairs, Barbie. That is not the time to drag one's feet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I advised her to read the MB material.
Unless there is something new from Dr. H. I have not read yet, I believe the best way to learn MB is to read Dr. H's words. Let's read Dr Harley's own words about what to do when there is an affair: "This week, again I�ll be taking a question from the Forum to help clear up a conflict regarding one of my common recommendations about when to expose an affair. The issue of exposure comes up when a betrayed spouse has first learned about the affair. Should it be exposed to others, or kept secret? I generally recommend exposure. When should it be exposed? I usually recommend that it be exposed immediately. To whom should it be exposed? I recommend that family, friends, children, clergy, and especially, the lover�s spouse be informed. Exposure in the workplace depends on several factors." Nowhere in his article does he tell someone they need to go off and read his books FIRST before they expose. If you have ever listened to the radio, he has told many a person to hang up and start exposing the affair. He doesn't tell them they have to wait and read SAA or HNHN first. He says expose it IMMEDIATELY. And if they balk, he PERSUADES them to expose the affair. IMMEDIATELY. Now, would you mind too much if we try and help this lady?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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