Please don't angry with me as I want to be very sure and objective before I take the step. The purpose of doing polygraph is to know whether my H lies. There are three outcomes: Yes, No & Inconclusive.

Are there anyone of you whose cheating spouse went for polygraph and had a positive result, what happened after that?

But, DA honey - they aren't YOU! You're trying to see into your future based on what happened to someone else.Your goal right now is to determine whether or not your WH is lying to you. Until you know that, you can't take the next step. You've done that dance before, remember? :

You catch him. He swears to never do it again. You cry. He begs forgiveness. You forgive. Again and again.

As you've learned in the most painful way, this does not heal a marriage!

Sit down and think for a minute, DA. What are YOUR choices?

What will you do if the poly shows that he's lying? Because if you intend to issue him a blanket pass of forgiveness, you're also giving him a blanket pass to cheat on you with the next woman who strikes his fancy. Is that the kind of life you want? Because that's the life you've been living.

I know this is hard, DA, and I know you're in a terrible spot. But you're going to have to straighten your spine and demand the kind of marriage you deserve! Do you really want your children to grow up in a home where their father is a lying hound dog who screws the help while their mother cries gently into her pillow?? Come on, now, DA - you deserve better than that! They deserve better than that!

Do this: make a list of what you are willing to accept in a marriage. Then make a list of what you are NOT willing to accept. Bring that back here and let's look at it. That might help put us on the same page as far as what your goals are regarding your marriage and family.

What I am willing to accept in a marriage:
1. Complete honesty
2. Complete openness

What I am NOT willing to accept in a marriage:
1. Lies
2. Affairs

I contacted a polygraph tester and sent him the following questions.
1. Have you told your wife all the sexual activities you have had during your marriage?
2. Besides the women your wife already knows, were there any other women you were physically intimate or had sex with?
3. Are you hiding information about other relationships that you had with any other women?
4. Have you answered all of your wife's questions regarding all your affairs completely and truthfully?

I intend to have the test next Mon and talk to him on Sat, which gives him two days before the test.

DA,
The safety nets are things you can do to protect yourself for now while you decide if this marriage is worth saving........
I would make sure you go see a lawyer see what your moves will be if you decide this relationship won't work for you......
I would make sure the financial part is separated for the time being so you are protected until you decide what your plan will be.
This is no longer about what he wants and needs, I agree with the others first all the truth has to come out, polygraph is the way you could be sure....others on the site have gone this route...........
You need to sit your husband down and let him know what you want and need to move forward in the marriage, he has changed everything and what you had and adhered to no longer has to stand, it is time for you to set your boundaries and he either lives within the those boundaries or you separate and let him live the life he is choosing.........
The life he has been living is over, if he is not willing to do the polygraph and give you the truth you say to him then I will never be able to move forward and believe your word...........
No Contact has to be established with the OW for life.........
He has to change everything about his behavior, no more contact with anyone of the opposite sex alone......no personal conversations, no connection at all......
You can't be a part of the life he is living any longer, the buck stops here with YOUR new plan, either he is in or he is out, even though he may not agree right away you have to stand firm, if he is serious he will do whatever you request to save the marriage and him............
The old marriage is over DA, your old ways of accepting are over......that has not worked.......it is time for you to start driving the bus of your own life
jessi

Good. Get that test scheduled. Let him know that you will not accept his word because he has shown that his word means nothing.

You may likely hear a whole lot more to the story before the test. Waywards have a tendency to start 'remembering' things just before the test.

He'll give you some more info as a way to dodge taking the test. Insist that he take it anyway.

One more question, is it better to schedule polygraph test on Mon or Wed? Will weekend give my H too much or too little time? I will be firm on it and will not allow him to dodge the test.

Jessie, I take care of household finances. My H's salary is deposited into our join account. I manage his and my accounts through Internet banking which he doesn't use at all. So the safety nets are safe. All our properties are in joint names, so they are also safe.

DA, schedule the test for any day the polygrapher is available. It doesn't matter.

As far as your finances go - I would suggest you get online and open an account at your bank in your name only. Then transfer the bulk of all of your funds into that account for safekeeping. The fact that he doesn't use the internet doesn't mean he can't get on the phone with his bank and transfer money out of your accounts.

You can always move funds back into the old accounts as necessary.

I normally transfer money to accounts in my name as saving and leave sufficient for household expenses. So yes, I have done that.

The polygrapher test has been scheduled on Monday morning (your time would be Sunday evening). I will talk to my H on Friday night, very scary...I have changed the questions too.

1. Are you lying to your wife how many times you had sex with those women you told her?
2. Have you told your wife all the romantic/sexual relationships you had during your marriage, in Singapore and overseas?
3a. Are you hiding information about any romantic/sexual relationships that you had with other women during the marriage?
3b. Besides the women your wife already knows, have you had any other romantic/sexual relationships?
(either 3a or 3b)

Any opinions on the questions?

After reading sex addict and serial cheater, I think my husband is one. Let me illustrate:

My husband and I have been married for 25 years, he is 49 and I am 48. We have 4 kids, aged 20, 18, 15 & 13. He is a very caring man, has been good to me, shows me lots of love and affections, a very good father, he takes care of all of us, he is committed to the family. We do quarrels, but overall our marriage is good and our sexual relationship together has been fulfilling. Then in 2008, that was the first time I discovered he was "flirting" with a domestic help. Let me show you the happenings:

I discovered:

1. In Jun 2008, he was texting and flirting with an unknown Domestic Help E
2, In Jan 2009, he sms Domestic Help E again
3. In Mar 2011, he kissed and fondled my own Domestic Help G

Then I had the hunch he wasn't truthful. So last weekend, I showed him Dr. Harley's articles of Honesty and Openness and asked him to be truthful, then he admitted the following:

1. In 2000, he had intimate relationship with my Domestic Help A and then had sex once
2. In 2002, he had intimate relationship with my Domestic Help B but no sex
3. In between, he went to Thailand for detachment, he had one-night-stand with Thai C
4. In between, he went to Thailand for detachment again, he had one-night-stand with Thai D
5. In 2008, for Domestic Help E, not just flirting, he actually had sex with her twice
6. In 2010, he had intimate relationship with my Domestic Help F and then had sex once

He doesn't travel much, actually very little, but it seems that whenever he was travelling, he had one night stand. He doesn't spend nights out and is always at home, but during weekday, he would take time off to sneak into Domestic Help's employer's residence to have sex with her (can you imagine the consequences if he was caught in someone's property and having sex with their domestic help!) At home, he screws my domestic helps. I had never noticed it because he didn't show affections towards them. He was very remorseful everytime when I discovered his relationships, but he continued.

After reading Dr. Harley's article on "What is Sexual Addiction?", which describes "If your spouse has sincerely promised to avoid sexual activities that offend you, your sexual relationship together has been reasonably fulfilling, and he or she continues to indulge in those offensive sexual activities, voluntarily expressing deep remorse, you're probably married to a sex addict." This was exactly what happened when I discovered his three relationships. Clearly he is a sex addict/serial cheater.

As he looks right into my eyes and lies to me for so many years, I don't think he has told me everything about his past relationships (thanks to all the advices from you). I have scheduled a polygraph test for him on Mon 12 Sep and I haven't talked to him yet.

If the test shows he is lying, which means he is in serious trouble. What can I do to help him and save our marriage?

I am very very afraid....the burden is heavy...I pray to God for His strength.