I just spewed my Pepsi on the screen!!

I believe that masterpiece came from a post from MrW, so he gets the honour of that comment. It really struck me as a funny comparison, so I remembered it.

You're not old enough to be having 'senior moments', Mrs. V.

I may have attributed this to the wrong poster, but he does have a W in his name too


SDCW_man was the one with this reference, but I am almost certain that I read it before, and now that I googled it, I know that I have mentioned it before on other threads. Guess I made it a "thing" now too.

Here is the link to that other thread. LINK HERE TO GOAT.

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Quote

Can I ask why you tolerate abuse? Is there some kind of payoff from being abused? Do you think it helps her love you or respect you? Frankly, I don't see much to respect in a husband that tolerates verbal abuse. I would not tolerate that and I know my husband would not tolerate that for 2 seconds. Why do you?

I'll take this one step further. From what you've said in your posts, your wife's contempt for you predates her affair, that she's been telling you for a long time that you don't meet her concept of what a man should be. So, why do you stay?

It can't be out of love JF, because there's nothing there for you to love, is there? If there is, please explain because I'm just not getting it.

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So why do you take it? You don't have to be a cowboy, you just need to have sufficient self-respect to realize that you don't merit this from someone who is supposed to love you. Your wife DOESN'T love you, JF, and she doesn't even bother to try to treat you with the respect that the rest of us would accord to strangers. She doesn't WANT to be pleasant to you, it's much more fun treating you like her personal punching bag.

Why don't you consider leaving and, in the future when you are ready, try to find a woman who doesn't mind a computer geek that has an aversion to order? It will probably be the first time your wife has had any respect for you in a long time - seeing you stand up for yourself and walk away. Find someone that will treat you right - your wife is not it.

Melody Lane said it right, "Typically affairees affair DOWN. Just ask yourself what kind of a person DOES a married person in the first place?

What the OM did right was meet some top need of hers that you weren't meeting possibly. But the main reason that happened is because she has sloppy boundaries around men.

Please do yourself a favor and read the book Surviving an Affair so you understand how and why affairs happen. It has nothing with the OM's "traits" but in how well he met certain needs. He could be a troll under the bridge or a criminal [and affairs with criminals are not uncommon] and as long as he met her needs in an effective way, she could fall in love."

I am a WW and my OM is an ex-con (embezzled money), bi-polar, gambling, alcoholic narcissist.
I read today that responsible people are ABLE to meet their RESPONSIBILITIES. POSOM's are not capable of responsibility. They are "fun bad boys" who allow us WW with poor boundaries to escape. Do not compare yourself to him! He is a fantasy and an illusion in your W's head. She will come to realize, as I am doing, that affairs are not REAL. The POSOM is not capable of taking on the everyday responsibilites of a "real man". OM use married women so that they don't have any responsibility to anyone yet they are getting their emotional and physical needs met as well. See what I mean?
I hope this helps. Follow the advice of the vets on here. They are helping me a lot!
CT

My OM was nothing like my ideal man. And the whole thing was illogical, which for me was so ridiculously atypical.

I would have understood it better if I was completely drunk or something at the time, but I was sober as a judge.


I think your wife needs you to be stronger. I agree with a Plan B approach. I myself would do a quick Plan A, write up a nice Plan B letter, and when I handed it to her would probably blow it with a Plan FU. But that's just me.