You have not driven them closer.

He will not commit to his promises.

He is having sex with her. Or what do you think they are doing all weekend - playing chess?

This is not your fault, even though he is doing a good job making you feel it is.

Are you 100% sure the other woman knows he is married with children?

You must expose to try to kill ther sordid little affair.

Come and think of it, in my family, there is a very old story, where this kind of behaviour was killed with exposure:

My great-aunt and great-uncle were not allowed to have any more children because of her grave illness. In ther early twentieth century that meant: no SF.

When my uncle visited my grandparents in Amsterdam, he visited the red light district regularly on his evening walks. This came out because granddad was a police officer and his collegues told him.

Next visit and evening walk he had colleagues posted on various corners on the way to the red light district. When uncle past they would say: Nice evening Mr. Soandso. After he had been greated by a few policemen on various corners, he went back and as far as we know, he never did it again. At least not in that city. And because he lived in a small village where everyone knew eachother, we are positive, that that was the end of it.

This was probably not the marriagebuilders full blown exposure, but he had obviously been busted and knew it and was (a)shamed.

Bring this affair out in the daylight and it will start to look very different in the eyes of the affair partners.

Many greetings,

Happyheart

v1212, I would get her list of friends on facebook and send them a PRIVATE MESSAGE today. Start there in addition to asking your MIL to call the OW and telling her to buzz off. The MIL needs to tell the OW that there is no future in her family and that she will NEVER be allowed to darken their doorstep. You might want to also VISIT the OW with your sister and tell her to buzz off.

This is a sample facebook letter you can use to send out to all her facebook friends and family:

SPACE THE PM'S OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FB DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING

What you should do is cause as much conflict in the affair as possible. They are already "drawn close" so that is not a problem. By causing conflict and shining light on the affair, you cause it to crumble. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so exposing it and creating conflict ruins the fantasy.

I would also email all of your family members today and tell them the affair is still ongoing. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade your H to end his affair. Give them his cell phone and the OW's cell phone #.

Hi MelodyLane

Since asking for help from my sisters, WS took it upon himself to try to discipline my sisters in a nasty manner over the past 2 days now, they have been going at each other in a terrible manner, this problem has escalated into being a personal agenda on both sides, they are now enemies, despite my effort to stop it, WS is now using this as an excuse to end separate, because of lack of concern and disrespect on my families side. They have gone about it in a manner that is driving WS and me further apart.

Last night WS and I had a heart to heart talk, and for the first time since my last episode I expressed my utmost desire and need to rebuild our marriage, making WS aware that I would not sit back and watch our marriage crumble right before my eyes whilst doing nothing about it. I mentioned that i would do everything to fight for our marriage at this point, meaning that I would destroy his affair with OP. WS expressed his surprise, shock and relief that I still wanted to fight for our M, he told me that he still loves me and does not want to see our home break as well, although he could'nt imagine getting back to me whilst he is in this position with my family.

WS expressed his desire to end the affair as long as I put my family in their place and proved to me that I really did love and respect him. As I mentioned b4 WS and my families esp my father have a toxic relationship, my problems with WS escalated due to this reason, WS even went as far as getting a restraining order against my father ( I did not support him with this, he did it alone ) even though I know how wrong my father was I just couldn't bring myself to taking him to court over my husband, now WS intends getting another RO against my sisters over this affair issue, I am not sure if he is really serious about this.

WS claims that he is not in love with OP, they are moving their relationship very slowly as he told her that he is not ready to commit himself to her just yet because he is still married, he seems to have been very open and honest with OP she understands his position but is willing to wait as long as it takes, he went on to mention that on his last encounter with OP, he had met her sister, his relationship with OP is now growing to another level, he admires her relationship with her family unlike mine, he says those are some of the things that are drawing him to her, but is still treading carefully.

To the detrimant of my marriage I did not take a firm stand against my family in the past, now those issues are being used against me. How do I deal with this? Does anyone think that what I have mentioned sounds like WS is just using this as an excuse to get out of our marriage, is he in this so called fog or is he truely genuine?

Why do you let steer recovery bus by drunk person?

These "heart to heart" conversations (=absolute fogbabble, based on the post above) mean nothing until he has ended the affair.

I have since made a list of all her relatives that I think would be more influential in giving me her fathers contact details, I have even asked WS about her fathers details, presently her father is living overseas, she does not seem to have a relationship with her mom after her parents separated, according to WS he gathered this information from OP and her sister, they both claim their father is very strict but maintains a very close relationship with them as he grew his children up as a single parent up until the point they were old enough, he is now remarried.

WS went on to mention that he appreciated that OP does not have her father close by to interfer with her relationships hence his decision to continue seeing her.

Do you think that if I try to be civil about this to OP's family I might get a better response or should I go about it in a harsh manner as per sample letter? As I dont want to put myself in a position where I will find them tryng to protect her from this.

Thanks for sample letter and advice BW

Every WS - incl yours - will con you till the very end to prevent you do anything harmful to their secret/public second life. Their words/opinions are meant only to distract you from your path.

Expose this affair to OPs family and friends. No WS hisself is able to end this "phase" or whatever they call it. Without the exposure you will face one "phase" after another.

thank you Mrs Recon6mo, you have given me enough courage to press forward, full steam ahead!! can I please also get more support from you all out there based on my recent posts, it would really mean alot to me!

You will probably bde able to kill the affair by exposing it.

Your husband is living in lalaland, thinking he gets to date while married. Give him this wake up call fast. If it is successful, he will be very angry with you for some time. That's OK, because that will pass, but the affair will break up your family if you don't do something fast.

Keep being nice to him and expose WITHOUT FORWARNING. Don't let him know what you are up to. You can post your letter here for comments before sending it.

Take care,

Happyheart

thanks again happyheart, this is a letter i intend sending OP, what is your opinion?

To OP

I am not going to sit here and watch you just willingly take part in destroying my life, I have worked so hard for it, for all these years. I don't care what WS tells you because all of this would not have happened if you prevented yourself from being a victim to his deceit, WHY DO YOU CONTINUE SUBJECTING YOURSELF TO IMMORALITY? Why do you continue to make yourself available to my HUSBAND, BACK OFF!, I am not going anywhere and NEVER WILL! As long as WS assures me that he is still in love with me and can't see me leave, as long as he continues to assure me that he can't imagine living without me and his children and that he wants us to fix our marriage, I am going to fight for this marriage yet again, and this time I mean it, I will do everything possible to end this DIGUSTING AFFAIR, sis on your behaviour, dont you have morals? I tried to be decent and civil to you in the past, but you lied to me using GODS Name, WOW!

People like you dont deserve to be left alone, NO, I will take this matter further if it is the last thing I have to do. I will expose this affair and make it as nasty as possible, LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE, BACK OFF AND STAY THERE. It is not my nature to shout at people in this manner, but you have proved to be immune to decency, why should I show you any sort of respect when you have shown me, my 2 children and even WS's own mother NO RESPECT WHATSOEVER?

TRUST ME, I WILL TAKE THIS MATTER FURTHER AND I WONT STOP, I have to fight for my marriage, it is my GOD given RIGHT to do just that. YOU have NO RIGHTS WHERE MY HUSBAND AND MY MARRIAGE are CONCERNED,

If WS Loved you so much, for the last past weeks I had dropped my guard, I gave him permission to go be with you permanently, if that was what he really wanted to do, I even went to the extent of packing his bags and told him to move out, I actually gave him free reign but he WILLINGLY CHOSE TO STAY AND BE WITH ME AND HIS FAMILY, why did he not take that chance when I gave it to him?

As always you run to my own HUSBAND for reassurance when you are attacked for your wrong deed and tell him that if he was not going to approach you in the first place, you would not have been in this situation, are you trying to say that you cant say no to any men who approach you? tell me when are you individually going to take responsibility for your actions?, like the innocent person that you are, you are going to forward MY HUSBAND this email and phone him as well, GO AHEAD, I HAVE GODS BACKING 100%, and ALOT OF OTHER PEOPLES BACKING INCLUDING HIS FAMILY, where does it leave you?

AND REMEMBER I HAVE 11YRS WITH WS AND 2 CHILDREN TO COUNT FOR THAT, I am not going to allow this behaviour to damage my marriage OK, I and our children have everything to LOSE so I will do everything in my POWER to prevent that from happening.

Yes WS is to blame as well, but that will be my battle with him, his work related issues and ofcourse domestic issues have been depressing him for a long time ( as every marriage has its problems ) - {no excuse for you to stitck yourself in it}, even when he met you, he was in this state, he is confused, now because of this affair he is worse, but I am happy that in his state of confussion he knows where his heart is, he knows where he belongs. SO YOU BETTER KEEP YOURSELF AND YOUR NEEDINESS AWAY FROM MY MAN, dont try to take what does not belong to you and dont take advantage of his vulnerability.

MY ADVICE TO YOU,

JUST WAKE UP FROM THIS DREAM, DONT WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME ON A MARRIED MAN, BECAUSE YOU WILL MISS THE BOAT!
WHY WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME FIGHTING FOR A MAN THAT DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE AND DESTROYING SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME IN THE PROCESS OF IT? BY THE TIME YOU WAKE UP FROM ALL THIS YOU WOULD REALIZE HOW MUCH TIME HAS ELAPSED, SO TRIM THE TREE WHILST IT IS STILL YOUNG.
HE IS ALREADY TAKEN ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON!

end
I am beginning to have doubts about this letter, do you think that it is just too long and there are too many explanations and excuses for WS behaviour.
well I will rely on your judgement. I've posted a FB message to OPs relative according to the sample letter but with minor adjustment, still intend on posting to other family members, I've also arranged for MIL to contact OP tomorrow.

Thanks GloveOil,
I've already started working towards exposing. will keep you guys updated!

V - Do not send the letter. DO NOT SEND IT.

You need to do a full EXPOSURE. Then let's see where she is at. She knows she is destroying you and your family. She doesn't care. She thinks she has a sugar daddy who is going to take care of her.

She doesn't care about your kids. The only thing she cares about is "MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME"

That's it - that is all she is looking out for at the moment.

All you can do is stick a KNIFE into HER PUTRID COLD SOUL WITH EXPOSURE.

EXPOSE THIS AFFAIR TODAY AND LET YOUR HUSBAND SPEND SATURDAY WITH YOU!!!

Kill this affair today with EXPOSURE!!!

A NUCLEAR BOMB OF EXPOSURE NEEDS TO HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE AND TODAY!!!!!

Oh please, preaching OP is not exposure.

You can post rants here we do not mind. But there is no stronger message to OP than actually expose - without talking about it with her.

Do not send this message. Focus on exposing to the people who matter to OP.

v1212, it's good to see you getting the venom toward OW out of your system by writing this letter. Now delete it.

OW doesn't give a hoot about you, your marriage or your children! You CANNOT EDUCATE A WAYWARD. In her current state of moral bankrutcy she has absolutely no interest in you or your threats.

Please turn this energy toward exposing this!

And please stop allowing your H to dictate the terms of his return to the marriage! He needs to end the affair with OW. Now. Today. After that YOU can tell him what it will take for you to work with him to recover the marriage.

Your family's history with WH sounds toxic. This is an issue that will need to be addressed, but the affair has to be killed dead first.

I agree , do no send this....BUT I think you needed to write it for yourself. Read it as many times as you need to give you the courage to fight.

Stay strong!

After D-Day I wrote a number of letters to OW. Man, did I rip her a good one! Flames were coming off the page by the time I was done! It felt great - I called her names no one's come up with yet!

I never sent any of them. Sure felt good to write them, though!

Dear V212,

I can totally understand where you are coming from. The letter though will not convince this OW to end the affair. She already knows he is married with children. Your husband probably told her you are a bad wife, either always ranting or neglecting him. He will hardly tell her you are his soulmate. If she reads the letter, she will probably just think that you feel he is your possession and that you don't love him enough to let him be happy (with her that is - I know, it is sick).

You are totally justified in your anger. Nevertheless I would advice you against sending the letter. It may make you come of as desperate/angry/well, not the strong and sensible and loving person you will want to show the world you are.

---I've posted a FB message to OPs relative according to the sample letter but with minor adjustment, still intend on posting to other family members, I've also arranged for MIL to contact OP tomorrow.---

If you already exposed to someone from her side it is CRITICAL that you expose to all oter people today. BEFORE she can call all of her relatives to tell them, that some weird, crazy, paranoid woman, some basket case is stalking her and spreading weird rumors. If she beats you to it, you lose this powerful weapon.

That is also the reason, that you want to sound as sensible as possible, not vindicative, because people tend not to be willing to meddle themselves in some fight - remember, they don't know you. On the other hand, if you plainly tell them that you love your husband and want to keep your family together. They might have families too, so they can relate to you and might be on your side and influence OW to keep out.

So Please send those exposure letters/mails today and don't let them in on your emotions, it is better that way.

((v212))

Happyheart

I did send a letter to OW. Everyone is right. It did not matter. She did not care about me or my two little boys. Do not waste your time.