I thought this was appropriate for this thread.

Radio Clip on a Serial Cheater
Segment #2
Segment #3

That was me, I did not get the mail with that particular date so unfortunately I did not make it to the show on that day but I rang yesterday. I do not know how to put the link here.

Were you on the show again? If so, when?

I was on the show yesterday.

There is some talk about it on the Recovery board.

What did you think about Dr. Harley's advice?

I will link it as soon as it posts in the archives.

Thank you, I'll have a look at the recovery board.
Dr Harley said my husband had to stop travelling to conferences alone; if he agrees I'll be able to do that very shortly as I am due to retire in July. If not, I'll have to ask for a divorce, not a nice perspective at 65. He told me my husband is "in the fog": yes, I was amazed at my husband's mail to Dr Harley.
He wrote about his lover (someone he met at conferences every month or two): "we became occasional bed-sharers" and "we quickly realized we were just good friends", and "it did not last very long" (more than a year).
When I discovered this affair in December 2012, he was calling her his lover, and they were planning more escapades at conferences for 2013. Complete denial.
Dr Harley told me it is all about himself. Husband agreed to send Dr Harley an email, hopefully he will ring him too as suggested.
We are also going to a councelor, individually for the time being.

Is marriage recovery with a serial cheater more difficult? I'm not really sure, but I'm positive that personal recover is MUCH easier.

Back when I only knew about the most recent OM, I constantly blamed myself. Even though deep down I knew it was her decision, I would read the articles and the stories in these posts and could see all the mistakes I made in my marriage. "If only I had been a better husband," I thought, "she wouldn't have strayed."

Then, the truth came out. She cheated on me within a week of our marriage, and continued to cheat for 9 years with various partners. Knowing that allowed me to understand that it had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with what I was or wasn't doing as a husband, and had EVERYTHING to do with the choices that she was making. That made personal recovery for me a lot easier.

Another clip on serial cheaters.

Radio Clip on Serial Cheaters

Here's another show.

Radio Clip of a Serial Cheater
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Here's the show.
Radio Clip on Serial Cheaters
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

I can't believe I just found this thread. There are some really good points here. I was told my ex-wife was a serial cheater, but after the radio clips and the words of Harley, I don't believe she was. Then again she was only caught twice and only she knows if there were more men during our thirteen year marriage. From what I know about the affairs, the two POSOM were nice to her and treated her well (the fantasy feeling we all get when we first date someone). That was her reason for her affairs. She wanted to be happy and felt I didn't treat her well. That's not an excuse of course, but to people like her, it's a way out in order to feel appreciated. What my ex-wife learned was that the grass isn't greener on the other side.

Good topic CV. I believe people can change even though it would be harder for the ones who have had multiple affairs. I was told not to bother reconciling after my divorce was final because my ex-wife is a serial cheater, but based on what has been stated in this thread, she doesn't fit that category. The potential is there and I believe anything is possible. I won't keep my blinders up.

I think the focus of Dr. Harley's research and counseling is the fact that that feeling is real and can continue for life.

Bump!

Enlightening thread!!!

So, is there a method to redirect the SC's moral compass?

With my W, i still firmly believe that we truly had a loving relationship in both our hearts for the 1st 7-8 years.

Then, due to pizz-poor boundaries during a time of severe emotional strife and depression created during the 2 1/2 month hospitalization and seeming recovery and then sudden unexpected death of her Mom, that she allowed all of her EN's to be met by the 1st OM, and also shot down any attempts i made at meeting here EN's, that she rewrote our marital history to totally find me unacceptable to reconsider.

Her current OM moved in with her around 1 year ago. She "seems" to be as infatuated with him as she ever was with me previously, which also could be said about the previous 2 OM, but those never evolved into living together and fizzled out naturally.

Also, her cheating coincided with when she relapsed to alcohol after about 8 years of steady sobriety. She has abandoned, for all purposes, our beautiful young son now, since his 9th birthday through him now being several months shy of his 11th birthday.

She had already moved out to carry on with OM2 prior to hooking up with this current OM3. There was also an OW one night drunken ONS that occurred after D-day1 just prior to beginning with OM2, who also had been OW's long term on again, off again BF for the previous 15 years.

Serial cheater, or multiple monogamous affairs? She truly was a good Wife and Mom prior to the relapse and affairs starting.

Can her moral compass be rediscovered with any help, such as a multi-affair exposure this late in the game?

LTL

Dr. Harley says that serial cheaters can be faithful, but they must follow extra extraordinary precautions.

Sometimes changing careers and/or being with the spouse 24 hours a day.

Did you listen to all the clips?

Hi LTL,

I wouldn't bother. It sounds like your WW isn't willing to help herself and is perfectly fine living this way. Maybe it is sexist, but as a woman and a mother...for a mother to abandon her children..she has to be a pretty messed up person IMO. Then you also have the issue of alcohol. I would walk away.

Thank you BH.

I responded to you on my thread rather than t/j this one further about one individual situation.

LTL

Thank you BR.

That does seem to be the prevalent consensus.....

Yet, i still have my heart invested totally in my family, which used to include a beautiful soul as my Wife.

I didn't know about exposure early on.

I tried to let go. I still love the person she was when we married each other.

I want to be there for her to have someone to reach out to if she can be snapped back into her former reality.

I am probably being unrealistic. But, if there remains even one stone unturned that i haven't done to do all i could have done, even if it does not achieve the desired goal, then i would not have done all i could have done.

I am continuing being a great single parent and have slightly restored my business and might get out of foreclosure, so i am doing the positive steps for my life. I want her to see those improvements if she ever accepts that she has an alcohol problem, which we say in AA, is a "Thinking Disease", not just a drinking disease.

I need to remain patient, but can i raise the bottom she needs to hit?

Here is the link to my thread:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2745098&page=all

LTL