I only hope the OM didn't intercept that email.

psmf, your H IS a hero! I am very encouraged by your posts - I'm not seeing too much fog, and what I'm seeing seems to be dissipating.

Be clear, though - you two have some work ahead of you. Don't be afraid of that. At the end of the tunnel is a marriage that is better than you could imagine. Stay with us and let us help you!

Have you been reading the articles on this site? Have you bought Surviving an Affair yet? You can get it at the bookstore on this site. You can also check to see if it's at your library, and Amazon.com has it as well. It's an eye-opener, and will help you and your H carve out a clear path to recovering your marriage.

Pokerface, in re-reading I can see your point. And I am sorry for her but I am mostly sorry for MY husband and MY family because of what I did to THEM. My comment was more directed at the OM. Still, I appreciate you bringing it up. Thank you.

MB,
My H bought HN,HN and ordered the affair book today. Yes, we both have read the articles and they are very helpful ! What is the most helpful is real people like you who have walked this road.

I feel like I am at least beginning to come out of the fog. I WANT to work hard to make my marriage great. I WANT to look back and say oh my goodness that was the most horrible journey we have ever been on, but we are better for it. And I want to tell every person I know, DON"T HAVE AN AFFAIR. Most of all, I just want to be thankful for a husband who would love me so much despite what I did to him, that he would fight to keep me.

After some of the waywards we've dealt with on this site, I'm so glad for you and your H when I sense your commitment to recovery - you're doing great, psmf!

Thanks MB ! I almost cried when I read that and saw the little clapping icon. H and I are in IC, and it is helping me. Honestly, I hate myself right now. Terrified that I could do something so horrible to anyone, esp someone like my H. Wondering what in the world is broken inside of me that I could go so numb and do something so wrong. I don't sleep, don't eat, can't concentrate, am depressed. But I do have HOPE. And my husband has great hope. And we both have faith in God which has carried us through. And we have 4 kids who need us strong. Another scary thing to me is how I have exchanged truth for lies and vice versa. I really believed that this OM loved me and we had a future together etc. Now I am starting to see the error of my ways and wonder how I could deceive myself so severely. I wonder if these are normal and appropriate feelings for a new wayward ?? Should I start a new subject post ?

It disheartens me to hear a WW bad mouth an innocent BW. You just don't seem to have much empathy for the other family. I would expect a truly repentant person to be completely ripped up by the devastation they caused to everyone.

Just saying.

PSMF, I posted to you a month ago on August 29. You blew me off, as far as I can tell. Presumably, you didn't want to hear anything I had to say about dealing with & combating withdrawal, even though you'd asked.

The fact that you were actually able to say this earlier today shows that you still have far to go in placing OM's interests & feelings (as you perceive them) in their proper place. Which is (or ought to be) dead-last on your list or priorities. The guy you've betrayed is your husband. You need to keep that straight.

Alright, let's talk actions for the present & future: What specific steps have you taken to ensure that there will be no contact with OM from here on out?

You've spent an awful lot of time today talking about contact between your family & OM's. However, once both betrayed spouses have been in touch with each other to compare notes & make sure they've got the basic truth about the affair, and once you've extended an apology to OM's betrayed wife, all of that contact needs to come to an end in a hurry so that you can focus on your marriage & stop getting triggered by your thoughts of how OM might be feeling & reacting to all of this.

So I'd like to invite you to please list steps you've taken to ensure no-contact (changing e-mail addresses, home & cell-phone & work phone numbers, cancelling Facebook or other social media accounts that might've been an avenue for contact, etc.)

And please also list what steps you're taking to provide transparency to your husband (sharing all of your passwords, etc.)

Be specific.

It'll show you're serious about saving your marriage & making it better.

Duh! The reason she is upset is because of his affair!! Good grief, as if it is your husband's fault that she is upset.. It's the affair, stupid!! sheeesh, what collosal fog. I hope your H told him to jump off the bridge. If he was so worried about upsetting his wife, he wouldn't have had an affair.

Yes, I would be happy to tell you what precautions I have taken. They are also stated earlier in today's post
1. gave husband affair phone
2. gave husband email password and acct information
3. husband is monitoring cell phone
4. husband is recording phone conversations
5. never go anywhere alone, always take someone w/me
6. husband always knows where I am and will call to verify
7. cancelled gym membership (trigger for my husband)
8. husband is blocking phone numbers for me (I don't know how)
9. gave husband all cards/letters/gifts which he shredded

PSM, how far away does the OM live? How far away is his business? Is there any chance you would run into him at a school, church, etc?

He lives about 15 min away in the next town. I have not run into him in the many years I have lived here, but I suppose there is always a chance--remote but a chance.

This only means that the OM "said" his wife got the email at work. Saying and reality are not always the same thing.

OM lie before during and after the PA.