Sunny:

I think a hug is in order {{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}.

Before my mom died of MS, I felt like I was juggling a lot, too. But wasn't dealing with infidelity. Ugh!!!

But here's the thing: You're great at organization (spreadsheets and all!), so figure out the absolutely priority things you can do to meet FWH's ENs. And really try to get as much UA time as you can. If you have to skimp a few days because of pressure/obligations, make sure to give yourself an extra half an hour or more with him on another day.

Me? I always let housework slide when faced with too much to do, and I cling to the old Irma Bombek saying that you should never clean until just before company arrives.

Cheers,
Sweetpea

Sweet Pea - thanks...I needed that.

Man, do I miss Erma Bombeck!!!

Well, I think my body decided my brain had had enough. Wednesday night I had class - huge exam I studied over 20 hours for. I got home, watched a little tv with H and conked out. Yesterday morning I woke up with a huge migraine, complete with nausea! I took meds and slept ALL day. I missed class and everything - couldn't be helped. I felt so terrible because I had SO much to do yesterday and couldn't do any of it.

You know what? I think my body and brain just shut down for a bit. It needed the break so it took it! While I was frustrated, I know that everyone survived without me for the day. lol. I can't let high levels of expectation turn me back into the all or nothing person I was previously. I either did everything or nothing. Today I'm going to march on, accomplish what I need to (feeling much better!) and let go of what I can't.

I LOVE your idea about the spreadsheet, SP! A practical way to make sure the high priority things are done.

THanks for the hug. With the migraine the 2x4 would've reallllly hurt! LOL

{{{{{{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I couldn't help but wonder if your headache is psychosomatic?

I'm sure it was! I don't get migraines a lot anymore and when I do they are usually hormonal. I don't believe this one was. I think this one was totally stress related.

I want to make sure to put a plan in place to deal with the issues rather than letting things build up like that. I keep thinking I don't have time to sit down and map out a schedule for this, that, and the other because I'm so focused on what's due right now... but not taking that time is making me fret, worry, and feel guilty for the things that aren't being taken care of properly.

DOes that make sense?

Example: I feel guilty about not cooking much lately. It's not healthy, eating out gets expensive, and I know my H (as well as my boys) need me to cook. I know it's part of meeting H's ENs.

BUT...I'm also struggling with the fact that I feel my course work right now is a full time job. Oh - it's easy to think that because I'm only in class 12 hours a week while I'm mostly at home that it isn't. HOwever, the amount of studying that goes into my classes plus my extra Honors work takes a lot of time.

SO...is it really fair that I have to be the one that comes up with dinner every night? I don't think so. Now, granted - H has not complained. He's glad to pick something up. (He doesn't cook...AT ALL.) But that has happened too much lately. I feel guilty: H likes it when he can come home to a home-cooked meal.

What's needed is better planning on my part. If I would take the time to sit down, plan out the week's dinner and make things that aren't so time consuming, I would feel better about this. I just haven't taken the time because I've prioritized things that are more pressing. Who wants to sit down and make a dinner schedule when they have 2 projects due and 2 major exams in the upcoming days?! So, I study and focus on school because it "has" to be done while dinner can be whatever. Yet, I then feel guilty about dinner being whatever and don't have a plan for the next day when the boys say, "What's for dinner?"

I could teach them how to cook, lol, but again...that would take time: time I don't have right now.

It's just poor planning on my part.

Sunny:

Too funny! My FWH does cook, but he doesn't like to plan. We are always pushing/pulling each other to be more planned and less planned!

Here are some suggestions that I cling to when getting overwhelmed with dinner plans:

EASY NIGHTS: When planning out your week, make sure to build in a "breakfast for dinner" night (french toast, pancakes, fried eggs, etc.) and a "sandwich" night. Two really simple things to make, and the sandwiches can be grilled, so it's more like a hot meal.

KIDS MAKE DINNER ONCE A WEEK: Your kids are TOTALLY old enough to put together a simple meal for your family one night a week. PIck a night that they don't have a ton of stuff scheduled, and have them make pasta. Who can't boil noodles, heat sauce and heat up garlic bread? Throw in a bagged salad, and boom. You're done. They should be EAGER to help you when you're so stressed out. Oh, and make them do the dishes (it's good practice for when we're not around to do everything for them.)

LOVE YOUR CROCK POT! I can't tell you how many times I've used this piece of equipment to help out. Pot roast is one our our favorites. Another? Simplest recipe in the world: four or five frozen chicken breasts in the crock pot, cover with medium salsa, cook all day. Chicken turns our flavorful and can be used for tacos or tortillas.

COOK DOUBLE on the WEEKENDS: Chili? Make a double batch and freeze one. Lasagna? Double it. Sloppy Joe? Always doubled.

Those are my best suggestions, and honestly, we still don't get it right every day of the week. But like you, I feel better when I'm at least thinking about it.

Sorry to hear about your migraine. Hope your brain is better today!

Cheers,
Sweetpea

Awesome suggestions, SP! Thanks!

The boys are good about loading/unloading dishes usually - if I stay on them! lol BUT...our dishwasher broke last week and we have to get a new one. THat's added a lot of dishes and made everything a lot messier... We can't get a new one quite yet because finances are tight at the moment. Hasn't helped my frustration level at all.

I really do need to teach the boys to cook some. Right now neither of them would even know how to boil noodles. H either, quite frankly! (I know - isn't that terrible?!) All of them would rather just go the fast food route than to have to "cook" anything!

Again - partially my fault because I've let things become this way over the years.

So, see...this is as much a lifestyle change as it is a scheduling issue.

Sunny:

Sit down with your family and watch "Food Inc." You will NEVER eat a fast food hamburger again, and they'll probably appreciate your desire to cook at home much better, too.

Then, make a pact: they get fast food one night a week, and in exchange, they make pasta one night a week. That's two nights you don't cook or do dishes. Easy meals two more nights, and then you're down to three "real" meals per week.

I have one reluctant cook and one enthusiastic cook in our boys. But I made A LOT of headway when I told them we needed their help (because of my mom and my work schedule). I try to "sell" dinner time (prep, eating and cleanup) as "family time." As teens, they sometimes like that, and sometimes it's another "chore" to them like homework. So then I guilt them and say: Hey, this is the only time I'll get to spend with you today, so while I'm at the computer, you guys cook and set the table. I offer help from the sidelines, but really let them figure it out. Sometimes it's "fun," sometimes it turns into a brotherly murder fest. But, hey, at least they're learning to cook simple things!

And if your kids have ever done a science lab at school, they can definitely follow a recipe!

Cheers,
Sweetpea

Yep - you're right! Right now they think of cooking as throwing frozen stuff into the microwave or oven! D20 cooks all her meals at college. S17 is headed out next year - he truly needs to learn to cook! (Well, knowing him he'll do the meal plan instead of cooking...lol)

S15 might as well learn now too!

Play up your harried Mom card, too! It's the LEAST they can do, and when you tell them what a GINORMOUS help is to you, they'll get a feeling of accomplishment.

We'll even accept a dinner of Ramen noodles (with added chunks of boneless skinless chicken) and a salad from unenthusiastic cook (DS17) because he's comfortable with making it and it's hot.

Part of my issue is in using food as a way to show love. I'm somewhat of a gourmet cook and my family is used to really good meals when I cook. In fact, they'd rather me cook than go out to eat. They're spoiled! In fact, their friends come around snooping to see what's for dinner too. LOL.

In the past I didn't mind this. In fact, it was my thing - my way of having the warm, welcoming house everyone liked to come to. My schedule is just WAY different now. I don't have the time to shop for groceries like I used to - much less cook them!

I feel it's a disappointment to H and the boys when they have to settle for less in this dept. However, they are getting more in others. I know that. Ramen noodles wouldn't hurt them! They just are going to have to think differently.

We have that in common: love=food. We go all out on days that we're off together.

So, yeah, a lifestyle change, but one that lets everyone help lift the boat a bit and take some STRESS off of mom. Who needs it!

Wondering: If you had a meal plan and a list, would your FWH do the grocery shopping so that you could cook when time allows?

I suggest that, and then realize that even when I have meals planned out AND a detailed shopping list, my FWH will find just about any other chore to do rather than shop. But he will, if I point out the distribution of chores issue. Ha!

LOL.... true! My H doesn't love to grocery shop, but will do it. I have to give him a very detailed list when he goes. But yes, it's a big help to have him at least do that much. S17 will actually grocery shop too. However, he is a bit less reliable. If he can't find something right away he'll just not get it. Then I end up missing a key ingredient and am aggravated at him! LOL

Dang groceries and dang kids!

Ok, now this time I really do have to sign off. Was supposed to pack this morning and spent all my time chatting on the forum.

Sunday Bloody Sunday. Will be thinking of you, and maybe that U2 song should be added to your iPod (saw your advice for Dad). "How long, how long must we sing this song? How long?" Kind of fitting for a metaphor.

Also: I LOVE cranking Bruno Mars' "Beautiful Girl." I know its sacharine pop, but I love the message. And Christina Aquilara's "Beautiful."

Oh, and Amos Lee's "Sweetpea." We saw him in January and it was an amazing night out. No affair talk. Grand music. Really romantic. It's why I picked my signer.

Good luck with Sunday, Sunny!

Thanks, SweetPea!!! Have a GREEEAAAATTTTTTT trip!!!!!

Great song suggestions!

Shopping is how we get a good deal of our UA time. Intimate conversation, affection, and recreational companionship all bundled in one!

I think we'd get thrown out if we tried to meet the Sexual Fulfillment stuff though

Typical man stuff.I can tell where your mind is when your pushing that cart around the market..Lol.

LOL. I would be hard pressed to think about SF in a grocery store! Probably because grocery store = work to me. I'm sure to most men it's about, "Yummm....food!" WHich isn't too far related from, "Yummmm....sex!"

Yeah, well when we are in that family mood, our baser emotional drives come out, unless we are all business and letting the chief shopper run the show..

"Ok what aisle do you want me to look for what product? Yeah i think our son is over in aisle 3 chasing our daugther. How much do we want to spend on it?"..

Then you don't have time to think about sex..Untill next time.

Yeah. I like to walk behind her in the grocery store because I appreciate the view.

As Dr. Harley has said -- and I agree with him! -- the only guaranteed way to stop a man having fairly constant, idle sexual thoughts is to castrate him. That cures the insanity permanently. With a couple of small takeaways...



Nailed it!

Wait, no, poor turn of phrase given the topic....

Oh, we call a sitter for our shopping forays. Or else bribe our oldest to watch the young ones. It's only an hour or two, and four bucks an hour for two hours is chump change compared the cost of a broken marriage.