I've learned that you can hurt someone so much that no matter what you do to try and make it better, it won't get better. There's two people in a relationship, and two people are needed to make it work. Yes, one can work at it, but it won't work in the long run without both of you.<P>I've learned that when you say something, you'd better be prepared to stick by what you say - or be totally flexible. I said, I want a divorce, he said, I don't care. Actually, I don't want a divorce, and he does care. But he's still moving out <P>I've learned that once the momentum starts, it's hard to stop it. You tell people you're separating, and they come out of the woodwork with advice, furniture, and even <blech> people to date "when you're ready". Vomit! Yeah, we can say that we don't care what people think, but just like the boy who cried wolf, they begin to see you with less respect and credibility when you cry "separation" or "divorce" too many times.<P>I've learned that just when you think you have no more tears to cry... there they come again.<P>I've learned that there are worse things than my H's infidelity, or mine. I went on a breast cancer walk today, and a woman passed me in a wheelchair, her H pushing her. She looked sick and hurting. My mother's had breast cancer, and so has my best friend. Infidelity causes horrifying pain, it is true. But we still have a chance to heal, and the recovery is right in our own hands. We don't have to rely on doctors, or chemo, or new age remedies. We have the answer, if only we'll access it!<P>I've learned that there is nobody I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than my H. I don't know where my mind has been over the last 10 months, but it's been clouded, at the least.<P>I've learned that I made a very very poor decision that has affected my family. My H did the same years ago. Both of us deserve forgiveness because we never meant to hurt each other. It isn't important that anyone else forgive us, but it is important that we forgive each other - and of course, that God does, and already HAS.<P>And finally, I have learned that you can love nameless, faceless people like they are your own family. We can forgive a lot in each other, because we are compassionate people drawn together for a common cause - marriage building.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 30, 1999).]

Hi, Sheryl. I've been missing you. (Oh, I know you haven't really gone - been reading your posts.)<P>Strange, isn't it? When we think we've done it all, we still find there's so much left to learn.<P>BTW, did you share this with him? And I pretty much agree with everything except the first part of your first point. I still believe that if both try, you can always make it better.<P>Remember, it's never done until it's done. And well-meaning friends aside, nothing is written in stone. You decide what you really want, what you really believe in and present it to him. You may have a lot in common and find the right way to get there.<P>Hugs and prayers,<P>Lori

new_beginning -- Keep learning. I firmly believe that when we stop learning it is time to die. I don't mean to sound crass or anything, but we all have the capacitiy to learn throughout our lives. The subject matter that those of us here have had to learn is definately a bitter pill, but we are still alive.<P>I will second what lostva asked, have you shared this with your H? This might be some of what he is looking for in you. To find that you really are learning from everything which has gone on.<P>Don't give up Sheryl, you can and will get through this.<P>God Bless

I have followed your posts closely, since joinjing this forum a month or so ago. You have SO MUCH to share with everyone. None of us can see our own situations as well as those from outside our immediate situation. I do not believe it is over for you and your H. There is too much there. Maybe you 2 just haven't fully reconnected yet?? Don't stop just yet - you have invested so much and come too far to stop! Your faith and your willing heart may yet carry you further!<P>Roll Me Away

Yes, I've shared it with my H, and no, he isn't changing his mind. <P>If it's meant to be, we will end up together, and that's all I have to hold onto now.<P>I just hope (and I've told him this too) that he doesn't meet someone, grab her with all his might, and think he's found the answer to his problems. The same goes for me too, of course, but I think (?) that I've grown a bit wiser to the lines men dish out, and hopefully with that wisdom comes some actual intelligent thought! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Well, your icons changed from your first post on this thread to your latest, so I hope that means you feel a bit more encouraged and inspired! I am sending loving thoughts and support via the internet!!!!!<P>Roll Me Away

Well, hey, Roll me Away,<P>Thank you for the loving thoughts... may I also ask for a prayer? Don't know if you're a spiritual person, but even happy thoughts sent my way can do wonders... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Sheryl, yes, a prayer for you right now! And the rest of the day, too. I find focusing on the needs of others here always seems to lighten my own load. Maybe I am crazy, but this experience has to have a purpose for me. Maybe so I can empathze with you and others here, maybe to just be another person out there praying for healing in your life...who knows. I have always believed that we can turn something negative into something positive. By helping each other feel better, we actually start feeling better ourselves! Least that is how it works for me! And, I notice when you post alot, your posts become progressively more supporting, encouraging and positive. It must bring you great joy to be able to reach out to so many others here and share your wisdom and experience. I know that I have benefitted greatly from your posts! So, your personal suffering is at least allowing you to uplift and help me. <P>God Bless You!<P>Roll Me Away

RMA, <P>Yes, I'll take those prayers, gladly. And thank you for the love and support! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

HI Sheryl,<BR> Glad to read your voice! I've missed your wisdom and insight. <BR> Hang in there I TRULY believe you will see the miracle you and your H DESERVE after all your hard work and courage. Maybe you should take that hot bath TOGETHER! Time away may be what you need. It won't take long. I think all the HARD stuff is over for you guys. <BR> I'm going to post my own feelings now, I hope you will reply. God is WORKING (in the background) FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<P><BR>

Frank,<P>I replied to your post ... actually, my H and I both did.<P>We're feeling better tonight (could it be the bottle of champagne we shared? )<BR>We are gonna let him move, but we think we'll end up together "in the end". I sure hope so. If not, we plan to be friends forever. Wishful thinking? I sure hope not! <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi, Sheryl - you do sound better. I love champagne, too.<P>You're in my thoughts and my prayers. I have this feeling about you two as well.<P>Keep working and learning!!! And giving me good advice!!!!<P>Lori

Love ya, Lori <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hi NB -<P>Just one thought at the moment..You said that "if it's meant to be it's meant to be"....I completely agree!!!<P>I also, take that sentiment and apply it to :<P>You both have found this site....isn't it also meant to be that you're supposed to learn how to have a good relationship, learn from the information here and use it by putting it into pracice !!!<P>Like I said, just a thought......<P>HUGS to you both and use this time apart to clear the air of tension in your environment.<P>Sheba

New_ B,<P>I having nothing intelligent to say but I do think you to will make it. Especially, after reading the things you are learning. <P>Please take care of yourself, get that sleep you need and hopefully the days will get better. I know this is hard on you, children, and H, but maybe a step back to reenergize yourselves will make it better.<P>God Bless You and Your Family<P>

Hi Sheryl,<P>Hang in there kiddo. I don't hear any fat ladies singing yet- <P>Maybe some time away will help clear both of your heads. I know my head is a little clearer now, since my H moved out. I think his is a lot cloudy now, but hey, no fat ladies singing here yet either.<P>I'm praying for you. You are a wonderful woman.<P>Take care of yourself.<P>Cheryl

Sheba and Cheryl,<P>Big BIG hugs to ya both! <P>Just Learning,<P>You think you had nothing intelligent to say? I thought you sounded quite intelligent! <P>Take care guys! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Just posting to let you know you have a prayer from me.<P>and... listen to Sheba... she has many words of wisdom today.<P>Gob bless... <P>Jim

Thanks Jim, and I know all about Sheba - oh wise one that she is!!! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Sheryl, I haven't been here much, but I've been thinkign about you.( have been taking my own suggestion to everybody and catching up on my sleep, boy did I need that! )<P>Learning is good. Reading post with you H even better. It sounds good.<BR>And like cecee says I also don't hear any singing yet.<P>You guys get almost all the pieces of this puzzle together, you both love each other, you both want the marriage to work, you're just getting sidetracked by other things that migh not be as important as they feel right now. But I'm confident ( you know that ! ) that you will end up getting the whole puzzle together, and it will spell "stronger and happier marriage".<BR>A big hug<BR>and millions of positive thoughts going on your way ( H's too ) .<BR>Take care<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.