That is great!

Thank you everyone and ML for taking the time to respond. He will be home in a few minutes so I'm going to leave this for the night and update tomorrow.

So just an update, all positive.

FIL came over and said he has left his job for the season, and that he is available for babysitting at all times, as well as being open for full weekends (I hadn't even brought this up yet so it was his offer).

I spoke with my husband and he agrees we need to "date" more again, especially in the "free" time we have before the new baby arrives. Last night, after the baby went to bed at 7, we spent the next few hours cuddling, laughing, and SF (I think I have that acronym right?). Yes, at home, but that was the best we could do at the time.

We will work towards "getting out" more although it's not as fun as it sounds (we live in a very small town and only the gas station is open after 7pm), we can't just drive 1 hour each way into the city several times a week. So we will work on it and make progress.

That is great! Going to the city a couple of nights a week would be GREAT UA time because you could spend the drive there and back talking. That would be a very effective 4 hour block right there. Joyce spoke of this on the radio recently about how they would purposely find a restaurant an hour away so they could enjoy each others attention for the drive there and the drive back.

The best way to do this is to sit down with your husband and write out a schedule. If it is not scheduled, it is too easy to put off. And couples who are in the habit of NOT doing this tend to blow it off when something less important comes up. So, I would sit down and write it out with the dates, times, activities. Schedule out the next week.

And the fact that you are an hour away from the city is a plus, not a negative. There are 2 good nights right there of UA. If you went out on Tuesday and Friday to the city, you could get in 4 good hours for each night. There is 8 hours right there. Then maybe an hour here and there on Monday and Wednesday coupled with 2 to 4 hour blocks on Saturday and Sunday.

Any chance you can get away for a weekend together?

I don't want to hijack this thread with my own questions, but I hope I can ask this here. Would a long, uninterrupted phone conversation of an hour or so qualify?Or does UA mean the two of us have to be physically in the same location?

I'm just thinking of other ways to squeeze in the UA time for us.

The answer to this is if it makes lovebank deposits in BOTH your lovebanks. Does he enjoy intimate conversation for an hour?

He does actually. We used to talk like this when we were dating and somehow it dropped by the side. There are times when I drop off our child for an extracurricular activity and I have an hour or more to myself uninterrupted. He and I could talk then. We're two people who can shoot the breeze without any problem.

Then that is a great idea! And I applaud you for looking for ways to make this work.

Thank you.
Now instead of flipping through some old, outdated magazine, I can actually have a nice chat with hubby AND meet UA time.

Ok..back to your regularly scheduled discussion...

ML - what should couples do when spending 15 hours of UA time away from home is not possible?

I just lost my job, so we cannot afford to pay a babysitter for 15+ hours of babysitting weekly. We don't have any family living near us to help us out. We have a babysitter that I trust, but she costs about $10 per hour for two kids (that's the going rate for babysitters in our city). That would be $600 a month! I'm sorry, but that is simply not feasable.

I'm wondering if UA time at home counts if there are no interruptions from the kids (once our kids are in bed, they do not wake up and they go to bed early - we are lucky that way) and we make a point of ignoring the household things while meeting each other's needs?

Thank you. Yes, we can take a weekend away, but not until my son's health issues have resolved (he was supposed to outgrow this at 6 months, we are still at 16 months and waiting, possible surgery involved) or else we'd have to hire a stranger nurse for 72 hours and that isn't really reasonable at this time. My husband's father only lives a few streets away so he is "on call" often and we'll try to make the most of it. Again, last night, we spent several hours alone talking, SF, time alone in the gym for a few hours (grandpa babysat), we feel a difference already, a bit like early 20's again!

Great to hear it!!

Yes, it does, as long as you both are enjoying it and are focusing your attention on each other.

One of my all time favorite things to do is to fix the table up fancy, dress up sexy, and have a nice homecooked, romantic candlelight dinner. Dancing is even optional I happen to enjoy it moreso than going out on the town because I know the kids are tucked in safely in their beds and I am not anxious about their well-being. It fills my lovebank. It counts.

Sounds great. When shall we put it on the schedule?

Perfect! Thanks Prisca!

Awww. You two are so cute.

Prisca, did you see Dr Harley's comment to you on the private forum about this? Can you post this over there? Here is what he told you on the private forum:


So what you are telling hurtingstill is the EXACT opposite of what Dr Harley told you. I think we already know Dr Harley's perspective on this, but perhaps you could clarify this with him over there before telling posters the EXACT opposite of what he told you? I would not discount his advice on this since he has long professional experience restoring the romantic love in marriages. And that is what you want for hurtingstill, right? Her marriage is in trouble so she needs solutions that really work.

ML,

I emailed my original question to Dr. H. I'll let you know what he says. Thanks!

You might want to also read his articles and listen to the radio show. He has written ALOT on this. I think he expected that folks would read it. There is a good bit about it in the back half of the chapter on RC in the new version of HNHN, too!