I sent it email to hr, and both their bosses like you guys said

If one of them doesn't leave that job you need to go to Plan B and file for divorce to protect yourself and your children. That may wake him up, or not. Either way, you're protected.

The point of the letter was to bring pressure to bear on the adulterers. The employer of co-workers is typically the best exposure target for this.

confused, their employer will probably NOT contact you. That would be considered breaching the privacy of their employees. You're not looking for them to contact you - you're looking for your WH to let you know that his employer is questioning him about the affair.

Your WH may call you tomorrow, absolutely flipping out about your letter. He may tell you that he was planning to end the affair "but that's all off now!" You may hear all kinds of angry babble come out of his mouth. Ignore that. That is the drunken rant of a wayward who was just exposed.

Stay calm. Tell him "I will do whatever it takes to save my marriage."

Look for his outrage. That's how you'll know they're acting on your letter.

How long do I wait for one of them to leave?

Also he's asked me to attend marriage counseling....

Hi confused, it looks like you have done alot of work since yesterday! Good girl!

I would plan on going into Plan B tomorrow. The goal was to get him out and you have done that. You have given him ample opportunity to leave that job and he is not willing. He is likely waiting around to see if you will crumble and remove your condition.

So, I would get your locks changed and drop off the plan B letter to him tomorrow. Do you have an intermediary lined up? I would also write up a visitation schedule for the children, giving him maybe an afternoon every weekend and Wednesday nights. How could you manage kid exchanges without seeing him? Maybe dropping them off at his parents?

I would also put a line in your plan B letter that you expect him to continue to pay the bills.

He needs to FIRST meet your conditions and he has not agreed to do that. There is nothing to counsel about until he ends his affair. And he is apparently not willing to do that.

Wait to see what your WH says. One of them may not leave. Here's what could happen:
1. Nothing
2. Employer demotes/disciplines them, keeps both of them on the job at the same location.
3. One or both of them are transferred.
4. One or both of them are fired.

You have no way of knowing what will happen right now. Be ready to go to Plan B. It's really up to what your WH does.

No, he doesn't need 2 days. What this means is that he doesn't believe you are serious and is trying to buy some time. I would show him you are very serious and have that Plan B letter delivered to him tomorrow. Shut the door. I suspect that is what it will take to yank him off that fence because he is not going to easily give up having 2 women meeting his needs.

I just barely learned of this dark
Plan b today. I thought I was in plan b now. I don't think I can do all this by tomorrow. I can try but I'm not sure.

He ended the affair just hadn't left work yet. I'm not trying to
Piss you off again...this is just so much to take in and its so fast my head is spinning.

Refuse this. He's buying time, hoping you'll think he's working on the marriage. Marriage counselling with most therapists is a waste of your time and money and will accomplish nothing for you.

There are tools on this site for recovering your marriage. They are free and are invaluable. Keep that in mind for the future. For now you need to get this affair killed.

Well done. You're doing really well so far! Confused, I was very worried about you at first because I was concerned that you might not have the backbone to accomplish the hard work that would be required of you to save your family. Now I think I thought too harshly of you.

I love it when a poster proves me wrong about that.

c&t, you can do this!! I know you are strong and brave and have what it takes to do this. When you focus yourself, you get it done.

He has not ended the affair. As long as he sees her at work every day the affair is still on. What he thinks he can do is keep you both on the plantation and that is what he is trying to do now.

But you can't let up now. This was the whole point of kicking him out. Don't go through the last 2 days of hell for nothing. It is real important that you don't let up right now. You have to keep the pressure up! You have them on the ropes and need to keep up until you have this affair either killed or have yourself out of the line of the fire.

Right now your husband does not believe you are serious. He is trying to buy time by putting you off and asking for nonsense like "counseling." He does not believe you are serious!

It is critical you stay focused and show him you are SERIOUS. Otherwise you are not going to save this marriage. He will continue to drag his feet and keep you emotionally traumatized. Step away from that. Raise the BAR and make him meet your standards to stay in this marriage.

All you need to do to go into Plan B is give him that letter and shut down contact. Have all information passed through an intermediary.

confused, don't let up now. The reason your head is spinning is because you are still at his mercy. You need to take back control of your life and tell HIM how its going to be. He quits the job and committs to recovery or he doesn't get to speak to or see you.

Show him a taste of what it means to be divorced. Show him you are serious by shutting that door and telling him in no uncertain terms: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND YOU WILL NOT CONTACT ME UNTIL YOU STOP IT.

Take back control of your life. Stop being at the mercy of a selfish, entitled adulterer.

Sweetie, you're not pissing us off. We're here and ready to help you. You're doing great!

Understand this: the affair IS NOT OVER. It will NOT be over until they are apart.
Read this to learn more about the next step to getting your husband back:How to Plan B Correctly

I can't even think of an intermediary. All my friends are to close...I'm
So sick over this.

Plus that says 48 hours to plan-how can I do this all tomorrow?!

you betcha! Get a good nights sleep and try and think of an intermediary who would be neutral and would agree to only pass on pertinent information.

Also be thinking about who can change your locks for you.

Ok I'll think. I'm sick. Ugh

You can't. And that's okay. Work on Plan B tomorrow. For tonight you need to get some rest and digest what Plan B entails. Get comfortable with the concept. Read it again. A few times. It will make more sense to you when you've read it over. This will be a huge help for you.

Go to bed and get some rest. This is mentally exhausting.

You, confused, are doing GREAT! Your children don't even know what a hero their mother is, to be going through this for your family!

Please get some rest. I know sleep doesn't come easy right now, but you need to be rested to be at your affair-fighting best.

You are also a very strong, brave mother who is standing up for her marriage and her childrens family against an affair.