Arg. She posted on her fb for all her friends to ignore the crazy message that someone is trying to ruin her life for no reason at all.

That is fine. Shows she is bothered by it. You hold the course. You are doing fine.

Did you rewrite a simpler Plan B letter?

Ugh of course ppl are supporting her! Ugh!

He wants to
Talk and I dunno if I need someone there or not. Im not afraid for my safety so why

I have not written it yet I got busy at work. I won't have time before I try and clean up and get home before he gets there.

Should I try not to cry? No affection? Or be nice and affectionate?

He texted me he missed me and I replied w loving him /our marriage and I'm ready to talk when his heads on straight..and he said "we talk tonight"

Besides why would telling the truth ruin her life lol. Duh.

Now she can never be w him without looking a fool

Now you get it. This is why it is important.

You did good. Some people will believe the truth, and others won't. Not your problem. You shined the light in on something dark and evil, thus injecting a dose of reality into the fog-bound fantasy.

If your letter isn't ready, and you don't have time to get it ready before he gets there, wait and go into Plan B tomorrow. It's better to do it a day later and do it right.

On the other hand, if you get it done after all, you can reach your place of peace sooner.

When you talk to him tonight, listen more than talk. Ask him questions that need more than a yes or no answer. Don't let yourself be drawn into any arguments. Remember your messages, and repeat them as needed.

No matter how he prods you, avoid all lovebusters. It's better to sit in silence for a long time than to say something that will give him any lame excuses to be a stinker.

Here is a link to help you prepare for pushing the Plan B button.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

Like Neak said, it is more important to wait a day (or two) and get it "right." Do you have an IM (intermediary) lined up and does that person understand their role?

When do I have to do plan B?

He says he needs a few days to figure out what to do about work. He has an appt w a therapist tomorrow. He says he loves me and our marriage but he doesn't know why he did what he did and he needs to figure it out. He also really doesn't want to give up his job. I told him then make her leave,.. Or explain to your boss and ask for a transfer, and transfer back when she's gone. Or ask her to leave. He said then I have to talk to her...I saud ok by email I can see. Then he said well I can't be responsible for that. Then he says what about my mom...he wishes she weren't around.

Then I told him look, I love you. I love my marriage. I touched his hand and said I'm willing to go 30 steps backward for this. I will do my best to meet your needs of you meet mine. He smiled like he was there again and hugged my face and said he doesn't deserve me and I'm crazy.

He went to pick up the kids and then come back.

I know I have to stand my ground. I know.

If he puts in for a transfer or takes action-do I wait for it to go through or what?

Don't waste your time trying to contact the OW yourself and see if she will leave. You're setting yourself up for a lot of trouble if you do.

This is WH's problem to solve if he wants to keep you, and maybe his boss will play a role, too, now that he knows.

Sounds like the evening went GREAT. Even if he doesn't come around right away, know that tonight had an impact on him.

As far as putting off Plan B or not, you've been living in this thing for a YEAR AND A HALF, plus everything else you went through 5 years ago. Besides, Plan B is on your timeline, not his.

If he got his stuff together 2 hours into Plan B, great, you can proceed from there. If it takes him 2 weeks to arrange everything, or if he limps along for several months, it won't matter to you. You'll be safe, and healing.

If you wait for him, you'll still be here another year from now, with him "unable" to make other arrangements for his job. When he's serious, you'll know.

5 years?

Didn't you allow your husband to stay which he was working w OW? Or did I read wrong

Oh and I wouldn't contact her. Besides she's super pissed lol

For some odd reason.

He just bought time to figure out how to keep both of you. Not good. Have you exposed this at his job yet?
He can't do this. If he is her superior she could sue for sexual harassment. He needs to let his employer deal with this. And her employer can't make her leave, either. This affair can result in a sexual harassment lawsuit unless her employer has provable grounds for dismissal that are work related. And even then, she can still file. Although I have a feeling your WH wouldn't do it even if he could, because of this:
These are not the words of a man who is ending an affair.

He's not back in the house, is he?

I'm not sure this is working. I'm not sure I am ready for plan b. Ive heard nothing from his employer...can they just ignore the whole thing?

He came to talk tonight. We talked. He put the girls to bed. We talked. He left. I saw him stand at his car for a minute.

If his work won't fire them? What was the point if that letter being sent? No one has told him about it at work...or contacted me back...

Who got the letter? You sent it yesterday? How did you send it? I would send it registered mail if your WH doesn't say anything by the end of the week.

He wants to come tomorrow to put the kids to bed. His mom told him he can't make me take care of the kids alone.