you have to space them out or FB will shut you down, think you're spamming. It would take 556 MINUTES.

Whats to discuss?

You: "Dude stop banging my wife"
POSOM: "dude stop c*ck blocking me"

Why did I think he was military?? Sorry DG. I think I confused 2 different threads.

Make sure the exposure is spaced out about 5 minutes apart. I would also expose to everyone in your email address book and hers if you can get it.

I exposed it to one of her best friends who lives in CA, and to her cousin, both of which I was finally able to find on facebook after looking for a few hours since I slept a whole whopping 3 hours last night after my gut feeling woke me up. It gave me time to reread half of 'Surviving the Affair' for the third or fourth time trying to see if I overlooked anything.

RMX
I've tried to tell him to leave her alone and basically that's the response I got, just a bit more harsh. It came to the point where I told him to stay away from my wife and stay out of my marriage or he'd end up paying for it and would have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of his life. That didn't fly too well with my wife. I backed off from that after I realized that going to jail for this POSOM wasn't worth it and wouldn't be fair to my children. If OH had the Alienation of Affection statute, I would have already filed it, but unfortunately it was removed years ago.

CV
You confused my friend's boyfriend with him, Don't worry about it.

DG23,

Should I explain all that happened to my stepdaugther? She knows that mom left and wants to know why but I don't know if I should tell her why or that her mom was beaten.

At this time, from what you wrote, you W is in real danger from this moron, and yes her daughter needs to know that her Mom is in trouble.

I just hope this idiot does not tatoo your W, giving tatoos in a non-licenced establishment may be illegal as people used to get hepatitis that way. You may be able to report him.

God Bless
Gamma

Who would I call to report him? And I do believe that it is illegal in OH from what I have read. She hasn't gotten any tattoos from him since she has been around him I would've noticed them when on the night she was home, she asked me to help put lotion on her back for her and I would've noticed it at that point.

I'd start with the health department. May better business bureau.

Glad I wasn't totally having a senior moment with regards to your friends bf and OM.

DG23,

One other question did your W proceed with the charges against OM?

If not you may want to contact the local prosecutor because in some cases the prosecutor will take the trial to court even when the victim refuses to testify.

God Bless
Gamma

She says that she did, but I will go up to the Prosecutor's office on Tuesday(my next day off) and see because if she didn't, I will make sure the Prosecutor goes through with the charges as I know him and his entire staff very well.

Ok, so heres an update on my situation. My wife would not go NC with OM until 10/4 when they had an arguement which resulted in her being physically assaulted worse than the previous time. It's been 9 days since the assault and her eyes are still bruised. She had enough and refused to talk to OM anymore. She had been planning a trip from OH to Las Vegas to see her sister and is now going to use it to get away to get herself calmed down to work on R. After all the abuse both physically and emotionally and his bi-polar and manipulative personality she is finally done with POSOM. She says that she wants to work on our marriage, however, she has fought with very bad depression for the last year due to the loss of her grandfather last Oct (he and her grandmother raised her and her sibling as her mother liked to play in the pigpen and abandoned them twice) and more recently her father passed away in Sept of this year.

I paid for her trip so she could get some place safe while the police could find him and serve him with his summons for the first assault and for the second DV charge that she filed. She is safe with her sister and her sister and I talk on a regular basis. I took her to the airport this morning after spending all afternoon yesterday and up until 5am this morning with her and she had numerous 'out of the fog' moments. "what did I see in him, You're a great father and husband, you believed in me when everyone else gave up", etc. She now wants me to assist her in finding a IC to help her with her depression issues so that she can be 100% committed to R.

I have begun to speak to her about some of the things that I have read from a few posts on this forum and some of the things make sense to her since she has said ILYBNILWY before I have used a line I've heard MelodyLane use a few times 'feelings follow actions'. She understands what that means and wants to have those same feelings back that we had while we dated and during the first few years of our marriage.

Are there any other steps besides setting up EP's and avoiding LB's that I should do while she comes out of the addiction and goes through her IC?

Also, when she returns she has committed to sending a NC letter to the POSOM and have our friend and her b/f personally deliver it to him if he isn't in jail by the time she gets home. We have also been talking about moving out west to NV or possibly AZ to start a new life and I have friends who work out in both places we've talked about going to that could get me a much better job than the one I currently have It would be one of my dream jobs too!

If she's willing, send her off with the EN questionnaire. Have her fill one out, and you fill one out. This way you can exchange them, talk about them and begin working on her top five needs and she on yours. This will help recovery if she is serious. Not sure I think sending her off by herself is a good idea at all. What i'd do is go with her so you can continue to give her love and support as she heals physically and help her get herself stable so the recovery can start.

I guess I probably should have posted this before she left. She left this morning and will be gone for 12 days, which does include numerous phone calls from me every day to check on her(I worry a lot)which she she agreed to without hesitation. I will email her the EN questionnaire and have her fill it out and we will discuss them. She does have my copy of SAA with her to read it, which she has started while she was at her 2 layovers today. I would have gone with her, however I have no vacation time left until the first of the year and I didn't have the money for both of us to fly out there.

Hi DG, I just read your thread for the first time tonight and I see a bunch of red flags here.

First, you guys should absolutely move away from this creep. Dr. Harley even recommends it if necessary. It's unfortunate that your wife is away at such a crucial time because this is when you guys should be together the most. As soon as this guy goes to jail you should get her back there with you. My daughter was a victim of physical abuse and I can tell you that you guys need to pursue the charges all the way. Don't let her back down on this.

Secondly, I have a couple of questions. I noticed that your wife is quite a bit older than you. Was she married in her "previous relationship"? What's the story behind that? When did you meet her? How did her previous relationship end?

She has never been previously married and her last relationship ended because of her then b/f cheating on her and getting another woman pregnant. She and I met through her cousin and her husband who was one of my best friends. Things just clicked between us and we fell for each other and I fell for her little girl who I've practically raised since she was 2 1/2 as her dad is a non-supportive creep who is in jail more often than not.

She said that as soon as they can get their hands on him, that she will fly home earlier. She also went out there to see her sister for the first time in 25yrs since she wasn't able to make it for their father's funeral. From what I've heard flying around the town he lives in is that he is going to be leaving for Santa Monica, CA in a week or so and will be gone for approximately a month. (I know a lot of people in the town he lives in who know him personally) I have already spoken to the prosecutor's office today and they assured me that they will not back off of the charges filed against him and I gave the PD the 2 addresses where he may be staying.

*on a side note, his roommate and roommate's g/f gave him until the end of the month to move out because of the assaults on my wife and apparently on another woman a year or so ago.

I did try to talk her into staying but she says that she doesn't feel safe for now, I've repeatedly told her that she would have nothing to worry about if she was here because I do believe in home protection and also have our PD stepping up patrols in our neighborhood looking for suspicious vehicles or persons at our residence. Our home is in a different town than POSOM but it is only about 15 mi away, however, he has no driver's license

Well, it's done. Not like we all have disposable income, specially trying to recover... There are some things you can do though.

1) Make a point to highlight relevant portions of the book. Spend a night talking about chapter one. Discuss it, then take a portion of the next night and discuss chapter 2. It forces her and you to process the book through discussion.

2) Don't spend the whole time talking about the affair. remember when you were dating? You are back in "courtship mode"... if she is depressed, take time to talk about other things as well.

3) En's can be a big discussion. Don't try and tackle it all over the phone at once. It might be best to do it face to face, but be aware of what they are and work to meet them as best you can.

cv

CV, I will take your advice on the book, but can't do it until she gets back as she has my book.

I know what her 2 main EN's are and those are affection and admiration as those are the reason's she sought out for those outside of the marriage. I don't intend to focus on the A as what's done is done and I can't change the past however with the right EP's that shouldn't be an issue. I will not just let it go either. I haven't been pressuring her for anything and we have started to rekindle our relationship albeit slowly. She doesn't see it yet as much as I and her grandmother do just in her demeanor and the fact that she seems happier. She does know that she will have to earn my trust and complete forgiveness as well.

It wasn't exactly disposable income just some money I was saving for a weekend get away for us in Nov. I think the hardest thing I'm going to have to face while she is gone is that she will be missing Sweetest Day, which is the day we started dating, but I do plan on making it up to her when I pick her up from the airport with the same gifts I bought her then because that is one of the days she says was the most important to her the entire time we've been together because I listened to her and knew what she liked before I got them. Of course this day is trumped by our wedding and the birth of our son.

Excellent! Now it's time to dig into creating a NEW marriage. If you follow the plans here, you'll have a better shot at doing that. You have faced the devil and it sounds like you're winning the war. There's lots of work and healing to be done. Your precious children need a strong daddy more now than ever. If she agrees toned contact completely and send the no-contact letter you will have taken that first important step.

Since you've read surviving an affair, you might want to get few other of dr harley's books, or better yet see about doing then online course where you will be assigned a coach to work with you. The harley's have some of the best materials and methods out there. Heck you can even email the radio show and get some one on time with dr harley.

DG,

Man, can't win for losing! Go buy another copy. The plan for picking her up is great!

CV

Princessmeggy, I will take that suggestion into consideration as I have tapped out my backup funds to help her at the moment, I do know that my local library has HNHN and LB so I may make a trip there tomorrow and pick those up depending on what time I can get over there if nothing else I will grab them on Tuesday.

CV, that's just my luck too...I will see about ordering another copy of it. I wish I could get it on my Kindle, would be so much easier than carrying around a hardback book especially since I have a Kindle app on my phone. That's why I scheduled the specific days for her to leave and for her to return