Not quite sure what this means: "there is as much NC as possible."

Do you want to recover your marriage? Let me tell you, I did an extremely limited exposure and it has been very difficult. 3 years later and there are consequences to it.


I guess it all really depends on how bad you want your marriage over career, families, etc...


Unless you are in a country like Afghanistan, I cannot see it.

The OM is not 18 yet, the father would probably go crazy and hurt her, if not worse. I also don't know if the kids could handle it, I would be very afraid of teen suicide.
I am actually worried about the kid and what his family would do to him, his dad and his brother.

I guess I am here to share my story, tell people how I WILL make it through this with the help of God and MB. Maybe it will help someone. God is not putting the kids and I through this for no reason, it is to help someone else.

Thank you for being honest. I'd like to gently offer to you though that God isn't the one putting you through this, your wife did that because of poor boundaries and a lack of basic morals. There is something very wrong with a woman who would ever even think of seducing a teenager or even allowing this situation to develop. She didn't just decide one day to sleep with him, there was much more that led up to this point.

As the parent of two sons now grown I have to tell you that I would be livid too if something like this had happen to them. I would be even more outraged to find out that the spouse of such a woman kept it from me. Your wife is the adult here and she had more responsibility to keep this from happening.

Do you not realize that you are banking on the fact that this teenager will keep this a secret? He won't. He's a teenager!

Please expose this. You say your worry about your wife's safety? Apparently she wasn't too worried about it when she decided to molest (yes molest) this child. You're worried about this teen possibly commiting suicide if all is revealed? How much worse would it be if he did do this and it is later discovered that he did because of the shame of sleeping with your wife.

You're family is broken and hiding this will keep it broken whether you decide to divorce her or not.

NC as much as possible means that the kid goes to the same school and my kids. She will see him at sport events that our kids are in. The parents know that there was something going on and are making sure they keep their kid away from her, but there still is "visual contact" every once in a while.

Right now, the only reason I want to stay married is for the kids. It is so hard on them. Our separation has the kids not moving. We rented a very small, kinda nasty appartment that we put a bed in and a tv. We move back and forth so kids are not. Very lonely and hurts like no other to walk out of your house to live in that hole for a week with no kids. But I don't have to tell you all about the pain, you have btdt.

I do appreciate the help. You all have helped me more than you know with how you help others, and yourselves.

Princessmeggy, I am in total shock that it has not come out yet. With as many friends as my kids have in the school, it should have come out by now. Unless they already know. I do believe it will come out sometime, but will my kids hate me if I am the one who brings it out? Lose my "wife", fine, lose my kids and I might as well be dead.

Please Read "PDC"'s thread. His wife had an affair with an underage boy.

How old was the OM when the A started - was he so young that what your WW did could be considered a criminal offence? How did your WW and the OM come to know each other - is or was she a tutor or teacher?

They may be initially angry, but I doubt that the kids will hate you because their mum has been sleeping around with one of their friends. I certainly don't think you will lose them over it. They must be very confused right now over why you and your WW are currently separated and spending alternate weeks at home - what lies/excuses have you been giving them to explain the situation?

LL, you're playing a very dangerous game.

WHEN this comes to the attention of the criminal justice (hah!) system, and mob of villagers decides to gather their torches and storm the monster's castle, you might easily find yourself complicit in her crimes as an accessory after the fact, for abetting her keeping these activities hidden. So you're risking having your children have BOTH parents facing prosecution.

Think about that......

I doubt (unless you've seriously done a number on them over the years) that they would abandon you. Kids are more loyal than you know.

CV

Time to sell the house and move 3 days distance by car. Then NC will be 100%

You're allowing your kids to go to the same school with another kid who went to bed with their mother??? WHY???

I agree with Meggy - it's only a matter of time when this will become public. I suspect it's making the rounds already. Teens brag, and they blab.

Why do you want to go through life, looking over your shoulder for this kid's father to be coming after you and your WW? Why would you set your children up to be ridiculed by their peers because of their mother's actions?

You do not control this right now. You've left the control of this in the hands of a kid. You're never going to know when he decides to confess this to his parents.

Finally, consider that this child may need counselling to help overcome the trauma that he has been through. His parents need to know so they can help their child heal from this.

Does your WW work or socialize with teenagers?

ugh... What a mess. LL, I would like you to rethink this strategy of trying to keep it a secret. That is a huge mistake that is going to backfire on you in a very bad way. And let me explain why. The success of your plan is completely dependent on the discretion of a teenage boy. It is just a matter of time before the boy starts talking and this all blows up on you. And you won't know how or when. It is crazy to believe a teenager can keep such a secret.

People will blame you for being complicit in this crime. Whereas, if you go and tell the parents and cooperate with them, folks will support you because you did the honest, principled thing. They are more likely to be merciful out of sympathy for you. But you lose that altogether if help her hide this crime.

When it gets out you will have no control of the story. Your own kids will hear it from others and I wouldn't be surprised if your wife gets arrested. Do you want that?

Do you want to live under a black cloud until it does come out?

A better plan would be for you to tell his parents yourself. Go to them with hat in hand and tell them the truth. Tell them how sorry you are. And before you do, tell your boys the whole truth. This way you have control of the story and can make sure the true story is told. You will also know WHEN so you are not living a life of hell waiting for it to come out.

Getting the truth out there is the right thing to do for everyone involved. You think you are protecting your wife, but you are not. You are enabling her; harming her. She has molested someone's child, LL. She needs HELP. You don't help her by hiding her crime. Help her be a better person. Otherwise you will have a cripple for a spouse who won't recover.

You might want to also strongly consider moving to another town. She doesn't need to be anywhere near this kid.

And more than anything, LL, these parents have a right to know what your wife did to their boy. She has sexually molested a minor. His parents have a right to know the truth so they can protect him. You know in your heart it is wrong to hide this. Don't sell your soul to cover up a crime for a woman who would never do that for you. Don't be an accessory to the crime, my friend. Your kids need to see how a good man faces problems instead of how he hides from them. Don't teach your boys to hide from problems.

This is not from God, this is from the devil. And covering it up only aides and abets his plans. Don't be an accessory to the deeds of darkness.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Your wife needs to be the one who stays in the nasty apartment. I would change that TODAY, LL. You have no reason to go there. She can go there. Leaving your home is a bad idea.

LL, better to hear it from YOU than from someone else. Your kids need to hear this FROM YOU. That way you can give them moral guidance and support. Don't let them hear this from others. They are probably very confused and lying to them about the source of the tension in your home only makes it worse. It also teaches them to be dishonest.

This needs to come out, LL. You are sitting on a boiling volcano and placing your whole life on the hope of the discretion of a teenager!! That is crazy, my friend! Step up to the plate and do the right thing. Get down on your knees and ask God to give you the strength to do the right thing. And you know the right thing is to be honest. Dont' hide this crime. You don't help your wife one bit by being an enabler.

Already checked that out, all is ok there.

Melody and Marital, believe me...I am thinking very hard about your posts and even sent 5:11 to my Pastor. He said wait, and I respect that.

Am I trying to fix my marriage, or teach my kids? Am I doing the right thing for them(kids)? How do I scar them the least? How do I show them that they can trust someone? Love someone with all their heart? I feel so sorry for my kids, it is just killing me inside. Why did I do this to them!

You didn't do anything to them! Your WW did! I don't get this comment at all!

LL, your pastor said to "wait" for what for how long? The longer you wait the more damage is caused because the deceit is compounding the crime. You need to get this out sooner, rather than later. So....what are you waiting FOR?

HE might want to consider that by telling you to withhold e truth, he becomes an accessory too. The bottom line, LL, is that you are the one who will answer for keeping this a secret, not the pastor. You are responsible for doing the right thing. You cant use your pastor as an excuse.