DG, I'm not sure what phone carrier you're with, but if you can I would suggest you go online and block OM's number on your WW's line.

I have Sprint as my carrier, I don't have access to the account though.

I have this gut feeling that she has been talking to him since she's been there. I haven't gone through exposure yet other than her family and mine and a few of our mutual friends and am not sure how to go about it with WW's other friends on FB, which I do have complete access to, and POSOM's friends on FB and his family.

I am starting to think that I may need to get ready to go Plan B and I do have an IM(her grandmother) already if it comes to that. My biggest fear with exposure and Plan B is that she will not come back at all. I do know from some people that I have talked with that she had said that I had an A, which had never happened as I already had my own EP's in place to prevent that.

Should I wait to expose until after she returns so that way she does come back and then if she persists, go Plan B?

Can you ask her sister to help you on this? Would her sister be willing to snoop the phone for you? (Without WW knowing, of course.)

I could ask her, but WW keeps her phone on her at ALL times, I'm not too sure if she would be willing to snoop for me either as she hardly knows me.

Does she know about the A? Does she support your M? I'm a little concerned that she went to her sister's in a still-foggy state and may rewrite your marriage to her sister in order to get her sister's blessing to contact OM.

Of that I am unsure, I now feel like it was a bad idea to let her go out there without me by her side to visit. I have explained to her sister about my WW lying to her about me having an A and asked her to not allow my WW to have contact with POSOM as it would defeat the purpose of her trip to get away from him.

I don't think it's a bad idea for WW to be away from OM, but I DO think it's a bad idea for her to be away from YOU.

Is there any way you can come up with the cash for a flight out there? Credit card? Borrow from your folks?

I will see what I can do, however, I highly doubt that my folks will loan it to me, and I don't have any CC's got myself in trouble with them once before and took a few years to get that sorted out. The only downside would be that I could only go out for a day or so as I have to go back to work on Monday.

Well that was a big 'ol negative from my folks, I asked her grandmother and she said that she would love to help but she has to budget the rest of her SS check for the rest of the month for gas/groceries. I called a few friends who said that if I needed anything to call them...yeah that turned out to be a bust, so glad that anything really means anything but $. Looks like I'm stuck in OH without her for another 10 1/2 days. So many things running through my mind right now, so many what-if's. I'm going to prepare myself for Plan B before she gets back that way if contact continues I can go dark.

I have told her before that if I were to file for D, I would fight tooth and nail for sole custody of our son and request only supervised visitation as the POSOM really truly lives up to the POS part and my DS and SD do not need to be subjected to his bad habbits and addictions.

What is making you think that there is still contact? Is there any way you can have the ticket changed and fly her back early?

Just a gut feeling, I seem to trust my gut since the times when it gave me that particular feeling something bad happened, her leaving me, both assaults on her. I will see what I can do about flying her back sooner, but I will have to get with the company I booked it with and see if they'll even let me without charging me for an entirely different flight and as I don't have the extra $ right now I couldn't afford to book a different flight if they do.

DG, I don't mean to be your mother or anything, here, but she should never have taken that flight at all if your finances are that tight right now. You have no margin for error or emergency when you're running that lean.

I'm mentioning this because financial issues can really drive a wedge between spouses. This may be an issue in your M that you'll need to look at, especially if financial support is a top emotional need of your wife's.

I see that now. I was up half the night thinking to myself about how stupid it was for me to let her go alone. We've never really had an issue with finances before. It was just the timing in the month when almost all of my bills were due so it left me with my basic $ for gas/groceries. I put $ back the second half of the month into my rainyday fund, which is where I got the money for her to fly out.

Dear DG23,

Good to hear that she is at least physically away from the OM for the time being.

BUT

I doubt if this is the last of it.
Allthough it is very hard to understand why anyone in his right mind would go back to someone who abused them, they do. I do not understand it either, but to tell you the truth, I did. Multiple times. And I am not dumb (well not anymore anyway).

At the time she left, your wife will have felt she never wanted to see the creep again. But after a while, she will feel she must speek with him to get so-called 'closure'. Or, because she has to say goodbye one more time, or because she wants to tell him he did her wrong, or...
The problem is, that you have already seen her return to him once, after she supposedly was done with him. He is as we know now capable to talk her into coming back, to convince her that day is night etc.

The only thing that will bring her out of the fog, is probably exposure. From what you wrote, you haven't exposed really untill now. But you definitely have so much leverage! Why not use this ammunition? You are trying to fight this with a hand-bow and flintstone axt, where you have cruise missiles and tanks on your hand.

Man, you have it in official writing, that she was physically abused by OM! Others can only dream of having such good evidence on hand, that he is a useless and dangerous no-good loser. You can (re)expose to your family, her friends and so on. They will probably help you, if you ask tell them, that she strayed with this man, who abused her, and that you need their help to talk some sense into her, so that she will not go back to him and never contacts him again!

Everytime she talks with people about what a loser he is and how he put her in this situation, she will come out of the fog a bit more. But you MUST snoop. Because if she goes back to him, she will be so ashamed of herself, that she will cut contact with all people who know, including you.

You cannot let her have her phone there. Either someone should put flexispy on her cell phone, or they should let her loose the phone (let it fall into the river/grand canyon/whatever, oops. Someone must monitor her, and if she contacts him there should be repercussions.

She either wants her marriage back, or she don't. But if she does, she must do the darn work. And if she feels she wants to saty 'friends' or in 'contact' because he has no one to help him, she cannot be married to you. And trust me, he probably does have no one, but we all do know why, don't we.

Please expose. And tell her daughter mommy wanted to have a boyfriend and you should not do that in a marriage. And now mommies boyfriend beat her and is in prison. And mommy wants to make up.
Can't be that difficult.

Please use your ammo and your resources. And stop fussing about not being able to get there. If you want you can have long phone conversations, about how the two of you were perfect together in the past and will be perfect again in the future. Depending how deep in the fog she still is.

But please remember, that this affair too is an addiction. And this addiction is still there, even if he beat the crap out of her. You must asure no contact!

Good luck and God bless,
Happyheart.

That is very sound advice HH, I've tried to contact both my WW and her sister, and neither or them will answer my calls or respond to my texts. I have already exposed to my SD and she is very mad at my WW for hurting her and our family. The POSOM is not in jail as the police haven't been able to find him because his roommate lies to them when they show up at their house. I want to do a full exposure to all of her friends and family and POSOM's friends and family as well but I am hesitant on doing it until after she gets back or would I be better off to do it while she is away?

Also if someone could give me a template for an exposure letter for FB that would greatly help.

I would say, do it now. The anger will have subsided and what better excuse would a husband have than trying to save his wife and (step)children from an abusive OM? Who would not be worried about her?

Also, if you are not there when she is feeling bad, maybe it colors off less to you. And as you are not there anyway to influence her one way or the other, maybe by targetting people that will influence her, they can help lift the fog somewhat.

But the friends of POSOM know already he beat her up, right? Also, if you want to pay him a visit, she is not there now, to share his pain anyway, and I doubt if he will go to the police to report you now.

And when he has a black eye it might as well have been your wife, fighting back...

Ok, now let me ask you this, I spoke with one of her best friends yesterday and she said that WW is telling people that the reason she left me is b/c I cheated, which I have told her I would voluntarily take a polygraph to prove to her that I hadn't. Since she has twisted things around to other people to justify what she has done, how should I approach that in the exposure?

Is she still telling people this??? This is obviously one of the reasons exposure is best done as soon as possible.

Well, I am not the expert on exposure here, but I would say, that you start to expose personally to those people, who have the most influence on the wife and do not dislike you. You may then tell them, that you did not cheat, but even if you did, you have never laid hand on your wife and she is in great danger of the other man hurting her and that you want to rebuild your marriage for the sake of your family. Also you may want to say you can back this up with evidence.

as said, I am no expert, but that would seem logical to me.

I do not know if she's still telling people this or not, but i know that is what she was telling people right around the time she left me. I do now have her old cell phone which has texts back and forth between her and OM and some of them talk about them having sex together. I need to have someone help me draft an exposure letter to include the lies about me cheating and about the physical abuse that he has done to her.