I'm not dishonest...I'm actually brutally honest. I get called a [censored] a lot :-/ but I don't mean to be bitchy. I say sorry a lot.

But I am a control freak and a people pleaser. No bueno.

Really?
By whom?
And why "a lot" ?

I guess it's hard to explain. I'm pretty honest, so I'll say what I think and sometimes it comes out wrong. People tell me that in Highschool they where afraid of me-people think I'm a lot more confident than I am. I dunno. People always tell me I appear confident and in control...a d I get told I make bitchy faces a lot. Its mostly my friends joking.

Or people who don't know me well. Once people get to know me they generally see that I'm a nice person, I like to help people. I'm just no nonsense.

At work my assistant tells me I. "unapproachable". I don't mean to be...I'm busy. I just want no fluff.

I am no nonsense myself. I am often terse. I don't use 10 words if 5 will work.
I can't remember EVER being called a "[censored]" by any co-worker or any friend.

Something else you are not saying?
Are your friends so un-classy that they stoop to call you names?

No they aren unclassy I don't think. I just get told I come off as bitchy. And my assistant (who should learn to shut up) has pointed out many times i am "unapproachable"

I dunno.

I don't think I'm not saying anything...I have nothing to hide at this point.

Look, you are 25.
I am 62.
I've been your age.
You can't see around corners.
I've been around the corner, and beyond.
I think you could use some re-thinking of how you deal with people.

Am I off base?

This must be a girl thing

With guys it seems to be different

The wonderful mystery of a womens mind

I'm not touching it with a ten foot stick, whether it has a carrot on it or not lol

An old guy once said, "don't try to figure women out, just love them"

Wise words indeed

I don't know if your off base. I've done pretty well for myself (besides this)... I'm well liked at work and receive high praises from upper management, and am in line for promotions. I have a small group of very tight knit friends. I have what I lie to thin, are pretty well behaved well rounded kids...

I'm not sure. Im a bit moody lately and have snapped at people a few times, which yes needs work. I dunno.

I'm in therapy though. I get along ok.

My friends and family just kind of tease me...but once people know me I'm generally likable. From what I'm told anyway.

I'm not really all confident and stuff...I'm actually very insecure. I worry constantly. I always second guess everything.

Who knows. I'd imagine none of this translates very well over the Internet.

Lol CP

I asked my husband if he thought I was bitchy or rude and he always says "I think you know what you want and don't take nonsense"

Now Im sure I sound like a giant [censored]. I'm not. I really enjoy helping people and things like that

That's true.

When I was your age I spoke without a filter.
I was "just being honest".
And, sometimes, it hurt people. I hurt people.
It was unintentional on my part, but that does/did not relieve me of hurting people.

With friends, can you be kind and honest?

I do not read you as a people pleaser at all.

I read you as insecure.

Maybe I'm wrong and not a people pleaser? Possible entirely.

I don't say mean things...or at least I don't mean them to sound mean. My friends don't think I'm mean to them...I think it's probably more of my demeanor or face than my words? I dunno.

But I'm always up for self improvement...that's why I'm in therapy. To be the best me.

I do have control issues. And anxiety. And I am insecure, always wondering and worrying what people think. Always on hyper alert not wanting to make someone mad. A lot of that comes from my mother who is mean and hypercritical and overbearing.

But I know I'm insecure. Im sitting here constantly worried about how people perceive me

Other approval is nice. it can be faked.

Self approval is priceless. it can't be faked.

So, you use her voice to beat yourself up?

I've never thought of it that way pepper, but I guess I do.

She always told me that I'd be alone w kids and that nobody would want me...

That I'm to hard on odd, etc

If you had a clear understanding of yourself, you would no longer require others to tell you that you are OK.

I have 2 kids. 25 (son) and 22 (daughter).
2 nights ago I had an interesting interaction with my DD22.
I'll share, hoping it might stir something in you.

DD22 is preparing for a state board exam.
She came home from a study session and said how nervous she is about the exam.

DD: "You know me Mom. When I am nervous, I fall apart and can't function."

I gave her my MOM FACE (you know) and I said:
"That was true in the past, but that is no longer who you are. You've grown and changed tremendously in the last year. I've seen you pull yourself together under stress and function just fine. I think you should drop that image of yourself, because it is out of date."

Guess whar DD said?

"You're right. I am better than that now."

Off she went ...... LaLaLa

What out of date ideas/images do you haul around about yourself?
Dump the old crap.
You're better than that.

If someone calls you a [censored].
Tell them to stop calling you names.
Tell them you are more than willing to listen to any complaints they may have about you. But make sure everyone knows you will not be called names.

OK?

I guess. I just feel pathetic and lame. I want to curl up and hide away

You are recently injured and traumatized by adultery.
Calling yourself names only assists your mother in beating you while you are down.

Do you know what affirmations are?
I think you should write daily self affirmations in a small journal.
No self flagellation allowed.
Praise yourself.
You need the practice.

I do. My friebd told me to look in the mirror everyday and say "I am a rockstar" lol. And I'm supposed to text her one thing I did right everyday

Your world has been shattered, what you believed in and trusted in is gone now....
It is understandable that you are doubting everything and struggling with even loving your husband.....
Look it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks this is your life and your heart....you two are together and working out a problem in your marriage, as you begin to meet each others emotional needs it will get better, you will feel better about you, the marriage and your husband......
There are a lot of ways to get your point across without being in your face and speaking before you think it through, I always pause and think a little about the answer first and think about how I want to say it.....
You will learn how to be strong and confident and how to gain respect from others with your words and actions..........you will build up a reputation and an imagine, make sure that is a positive one for your children.....and yourself.......
Take the time to get to know yourself and why you need what you need and why you need to be who you are.......
Pep had a good idea about the positives words everyday about you, especially now, know that you are a good person and a wonderful wife and mother.......
Now back to the plan have you heard from his work place yet?