You are in my prayers today mitten.

You know how you see those newly dating couples around, those loving glances they do, those little touches, the 'I can't wait until I see you again' feeling. That is good for the EN's.

Years ago my WH surprized me one day. I came home, he was actually doing some house work, no shirt on and an apron around his waist (a man one, the kind made for b b q ing). This made me laugh. It was when he turned around, he wasn't wearing any shorts either. This made me giggle, he played it off that nothing was out or the ordinary, and continued to pick up stuff around the house. This made me giggle more. You know what, that was a good evening we shared.

Have you tried something like this, something to make her relax and giggle ?

I get what you're saying it's just hard to be spontaneous and "giggle" when you're not sure how you feel about your wife.

My FWW's told me the same thing.

However, our M at the time her A started was not at its best, but it was getting better, and she did tell me that it's possible the A may have never happened if things had starting improving a bit earlier. I consider that a lot of fog-speak - A are all about personal interests and usually have very little to do with the state of the M.



I suspect that had a LOT to do with it. My FWW fell for an OM that was twelve years her junior. Of course he was only in it for a bit of fun and dropped her like a hot potato when the A became known to me, but I think she was quite flattered by his interest in her, and basically fell for him.

I've also noticed within my community (and on here) that a lot of As seem to occur when the WW is somewhere between 35~45, and almost always a younger OM (or an older, but more "active" OM) is involved.


I'll tell you though - What surprised me is the little the OM actually had to do in order for my FWW to commit adultery with hmi. This was no long-running EA that eventually turned into a PA - apparently all he had to do was to say the right things at a few right times, make a move when the timing was right and that was it - she was hooked. The fact that it took so little does have me questioning the rest of our marital history and wondering if this was in fact her first A, but she swears that they have not been any others, so I suspect age, and that fear of getting old had a lot to do with her choices.

Maybe I should post this in my thread, but I thought it goes along with this conversation so I will post it here.

My wife has a high need for AD. I used to be able to meet this with ease, because honestly I thought the world of her. She is very attractive, and I told her such. She is caring, loving, giving, etc. But I don't see her that way anymore. Physically I see all sorts of flaws that must have been there before, but I never really noticed (they almost magically appeared when I found out about the affair). Now I know of all sorts of lies, manipulation, and selfishness and have a hard time admiring that person. As far as admiring the effort to rebuild our marriage, I see her doing the absolute minimum to keep me around.

So the question is, how do I admire someone that I see so much negative in?

Mim,

My FWW fell for an OM that was twelve years her junior. Of course he was only in it for a bit of fun and dropped her like a hot potato when the A became known to meOM found a younger girl than himself who he married, but I think she was quite flattered by his interest in her, and basically fell for him.

35~45, and almost always a younger OM (or an older, but more "active"cunning OM) is involved.

OM1 my age, OM2 younger, OM3 older & OM4 much older.

Funny how these stories are almost all the same except for small details.

God Bless
Gamma

Gable did Red Dust in 1932

Gable did Magambo in 1953 the remake of Red Dust

Undenialable proof, irrefutable proof that men age better then women.

Any body that want to argue that



However women keep in mind that you don't have to be skinny with a big rack to attractive. Also trips to the plastic doc I find only make you age worse. Women your perception of looking hot and being hot are not the same.

Best thing for a woman (and men) to do to look good is eat well, exercise, and use those height weight charts, make your goal for your weight to not go higher then the upper range for your height. You won't be model skinny, and thats good because that's too skinny. You'll be healthier and live longer. More SF then.

Today we see more actress' and everyday women still looking very attractive as they age due to eating smart and exercising and young looking hair styles. Why do you think the term milf came about today and not in the past?

I close with that many women forget to use their prettiest asset: their smile.

Ok I used to tell my wife, The most attractive actress out there,

And please dont call me a mommas boy,

Annette Benning

There is just something about her, not particularly young, not particulary skinny with a big rack.... but in my eyes amazingly attractive.

The whole eat well and play well is really important. My WW has gained some weight 10-15 and she looks amazing,,,pshcho but amazing

I think that's a fair question, unfortunately one I don't have an answer for. I'm probably venturing into DJ-land, but I suspect that could be why I don't receive AD from H anymore. His perception of me was rocked by what I did, not just the affair, but how I lied to try and conceal the extent of it, and who I was during that time did not jibe with who he believed I was. He referred to me as "evil" when he posted here, and just a few months ago told me I wasn't "worth it."

My hunch, nomore, is that your W "doing the absolute minimum" is in no way filling your LB$. The MB program is built on the premise that if one spouse, let's say the wife, is sucessful in filling her husband's LB$, then her husband should be in love with her, and would naturally want to meet her ENs, including AD...b/c if you were in love, you'd find lots to admire.

Gamma, the OM in my case was actually engaged to someone else at the time too! There was no possible chance that the A meant any more to him than "a hole to stick in", while he waited for his fiancee's return, and she was more likely no more than a MILF to him. Oh, and while this was all going on, he was carrying on an A with someone else (a much youger girl) at the office too, and my FWW knew about that! My FWW was pretty taken back when he stopped communicating with her immediately as NC was suggested - I was surprised that she was expecting anything else but that to happen.

My FWW is a smart woman, but her A was such an incredibly stupid act that it still leaves me wondering what on earth got into her...

**edit**

drifter, please do not wander on to a poster's thread and begin spouting non-MB advice. This is incredibly damaging and disrespectful to this poster and to the owner of this site, who has saved thousands of marriages that were on the brink of divorce because of infidelity.

Please read the concepts of this site and familiarize yourself with them before attempting to advise other posters.

I would suggest you start your own thread to tell us your story.

**edit**

You can live for yourself and divorce her without hurting your relationship with your kids.

Gotta be a divorce-lawyer!

A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help posters with Marriage Builders concepts, not to share conflicting personal philosophies. If you can help this poster with his marriage problems, please feel free to post. If not, kindly refrain from posting.

Thank you for your cooperation.

**edit**

Drifter,

Please start your own thread, you are obviously in great pain, posting on other peoples threads is less effective.

You won't be denied a forum of your own, they will let you state your state of mind and feelings there, but this is OLDMITTENS forum.

God Bless
Gamma

What a sad existence.

People CAN change. Through God all things are possible. What his wife did was horrible but it didn't then and won't ever hereafter define Oldmitten's masculinity. She can repent and change and they can have a valuable marriage again. It's undeniable that it's happened here on MB many times through the years.

Perhaps one day Oldmittens will be divorced...but I pray he never adopts this 'live for yourself' attitude.


Mr. Wondering

It has been a stressful week I've been having a hard time dealing with triggers especially the movies in my head. Every time I'm with my wife I picture her and the OM together and it can ruin my whole day. my wife has been amazing With helping me get through it it's hard to describe but it's just The way she always knows when I'm upset, she will Squeeze my hand Look me in the eyes and say she's sorry in a very soft and soothing voice. we have been focusing on are UA time together we have gone running together every day this week, we spend an hour and a half every day talking when I get home from work and have had SF everyday this week. And while it's nice I'm still having a hard time dealing with it all and frankly I feel embarrassed sometimes be seen With her. I love her and I hope we can reconcile but I just don't know how to get over My wounded "pride" if you will and really put 100% effort into reconciliation. Has anyone else ever felt embarrassed to be seen with their wayward spouse after D-Day and exposure and if so how did you get over it.

**edit**

I have no idea what this means, mitt. But I'm glad to hear you're working on recovery!

**edit**

Thank you for the support it's never easy but I'm hoping it'll be worth it. I still very much want my family and hope one day I'll be able to look at my wife the same way I used to with love and respect.