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I will have no cash. I won't even have money to pay my mortgage. Well...I can pay mortgage OR bills. And I've already cancelled everything I can think t cancel...except tv Internet which I'm in a contract on and it was more to cancel than keep...but I lowered it You can arrange to make payments with doctors, most will accept that. Another idea might be to let him go back there on an OPPOSITE SHIFT, giving him 3 months to find another job. That will be really hard on you, but it might be a way to avoid the financial disaster.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm listenig and I get everything. And your right. I know what had to be one.
I do want to pose one thing though...that so,eons posed to me:if he goes back and messes up, doesn't that just prove I'm not first anyway?
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yea they might allow split shift they said. That was my least favorite of the 3 options they offered (but haven't confirmed on any)
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I'm listenig and I get everything. And your right. I know what had to be one.
I do want to pose one thing though...that so,eons posed to me:if he goes back and messes up, doesn't that just prove I'm not first anyway? You already know that, though. He has already proven this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What's very risky which one? The split shift? I agree. That's why I said no to that and to him to go w the work from home option or the work in the other building option...but they have not called us back on either
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So if I'm not first...wtf am I doing?
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So if I'm not first...wtf am I doing? Trying to save your marriage!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What's very risky which one? The split shift? I agree. That's why I said no to that and to him to go w the work from home option or the work in the other building option...but they have not called us back on either Just continue to say NO and sit back and see what he does. Let him worry about resolving the problem right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My marriage to someone who can't put me first long enough to find another job.
Yea. I guess it's just hard I'm being bombarded w advice from everywhere. And I'm tryig to just stick to you guys and stuff sticks in my head.
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Although your right. I. Worrying about things I don't know yet.
I just can't help it. I know I can't know what his jobs answer will be, or what will happen, or what would happen if he went back or if he doesn't or if she's pregnant for reals or if not, or if he will eff up again or not or if I can be in love again or not
It's all killing me! I run through all this crap in my head just deciding if I can buy a $2 coffee!
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his car is a stick shift which I cant drive). ------
Your thinking is a bit chaotic because of the stress at the moment. You don't know yet if the worst case scenario will kick in, and if I get it right you are afraid of:
1. losing your savings (8000?) because of buying a new car
2. paying an extra 300 a month on insurance.
Let's think logically and look your worries into the eye.
1
You have a car in case your husband doesn't work, but it has a stick shift. You are a smart girl, you can learn to drive a stick shift in 3 hours (in Europe most cars have stick shifts and everyone who has a drivers license learned to drive one - even the dumbest, most untalented ones).
2
Then you will have 8000, which will pay your 300 insurance for 2 years and 2,5 months. TWO YEARS if you learn to drive the stick shift.
And I imagine it will not take 2 years to find a new job, even in today's job market.
What I am trying to say, is, that even in a worst case scenario you can manage for a certain amount of time, even without asking parents and such for money.
Don't panic, it is not bad to think ahead, but think realistically. What always helps me, is to think about people in worse situations. Imagine you were born in Afganistan... or in Ethiopia, or 400 years ago... Everything could be worse ;-)
Hold your head up high, take a deep breath, in ten years you will pity the girl you were and her problems, because they will have passed (well, you will probably have others instead).
Good luck,
Happyheart
Last edited by happyheart; 10/21/11 01:13 PM.
me, DH
all the children
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You sound like me and would REALLY benefit from anxiety meds on top of cymbalta. I have ocd and go through everything in my head way too much.
Call the doctor and get something to calm u down ASAP.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
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Well not exactly. Because not only do we lose the car and insurance...we can't get my insurance if he quits until January 1, so no insurance until then. And we lost his income. With my income I can pay the bills, or the mortgage, not both. So the savings would go to paying the mortgage, which would last less than 4 months. And bleed us dry.
And the only reason I have that much savings is because we have 4k on our credit card from his work trip, and I didn't pay it and put the $ in savings bc of this whole debacle.
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They gave me the cymbalta for the anxiety....and depression
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I'm thinking I let him go back as long as he is in and out at appropriate hours and sees me at lunch. And continues w the job shift. Am I off base?!?! Yes, you're off base. Sorry. This is the one critical thing that has to happen in order to save your marriage: THEY CANNOT WORK TOGETHER.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I. Trying. I'm not trying to argue or anything. I just panicking. I'm trying to calm down. I pm trying to remind myself I'm thinking worst case which hasn't happened yet but I'm fuhreaking out
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I know  I know
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I made a new thread...should I delete it? Your new thread has been deleted.
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