for plan A, I do what a wife should do, but since he come home later, & doesn't want me bother, what else can I do?

looks like he has no response to whatever I did.

I ask him talk to MC, he doesn't want, I ask him sign MB course, he doesn't want, especially joint account. I can't read him.

I ask him talk to friend, he didn't, he talk to someone from church, but it's for ask if they can help that woman. if he is in withdraw, should I help him?

the best way to help him is by telling him he must have no contact for life. That means he cannot have any contact. Even through other people. He cannot help her anymore.

I got what you said

I try to help my WH out of withdraw, is there any good way, or just wait?

He's not in withdrawal until the A is dead and gone for LIFE. NCL is a MUST.

you mean dead in his head? now I see it's still in his head. so how about withdraw, it's totally gone? a little confused

he said he didn't plan it, I believe, he said it's suddenly happen, just feel sorry, just want to help, I couldn't feel his sorry, his guity to me, one thing, only that woman. one time I ask him, if she accept, what will happen? no answer

even he think he act like man, responsible man & I'm a selfish woman

he doesn't like I stay at this site, I'll leave, as plan A, I don't want make him unhappy, please leave advice, I'll back tomorrow. thanks

I ask WH bring me the cel phone bill, and ask him how many her e-mail account he has, he said "I can't tell you", then ask me believe there is nothing happen, sofar I know nothing happen between them, but if he keep doing this, who knows what will happen, I can't believe him

Probably because there is still contact. maybe she has another phone or new number. If he wants to work on the marriage tell him to either comply or leave.

He is not in withdrawal yet because I would bet he is still in contact.

I don't know what should I do now.

when we talk this issue, he looks he doesn't care, like I ask "did you call her after 9/27" he said "I don't remember, maybe yes, maybe no" "ok, maybe yes, it's that the answer you want" then he said he'll bring me the bill, "anything else?"

this morning, I ask how many account, he told me, there is nothing between them, ask me should not focuse on that, should focuse on us, how? and said "I feel something will happen, maybe not, I don't know"

sometime I feel he think it's fun to make me mad, what is next

I don't know whose word he'll listen, should I ask his co-worker or friend talk to him

Ask him if it was after 9/27 when was it?

Also, tell him to prove there is nothing there by being on board with your requirements. Tell him that you focusing on this will help you "focus on us". That is the path he must walk to restore the marriage.

9/27, WH agree NCL & stay with family.

I know even he call, mostly she'll no answer, but if he call, that mean he break NCL. he keep ask me understand he just want to make sure she is ok (what is call ok?), & think I'm selfish, I'm confused, I hope she's ok too, but I just can't let him care, am I too cold?

Is there anyone have idea, how long his withdraw will last? he is not in restore position now.

I hope I could help him out of fog, I mean like friend listen & talk, I'm not sure I could do that or not, but I need make sure if it's a good idea, please tell me, help or wait??

It's much more tough than what I thought. the progress is very little, even don't have any, but I'll report if I get, please follow & support.

Heart,

If it were me, I'd assume that you don't know the complete truth about what happened between your husband and OW. Something just doesn't sound right here, and I question just how one-sided their relationship actually was.

People don't just fall in love with random strangers--there must have been SOMETHING done on her part to bring out such extreme feelings in him. Make sense?

I would install a keylogger on your computer and spyware on his cell phone to see what, if anything, is going one between them.

Is OW married?

At some point, you're going to have to decide if you're going to stay married at all costs. This man clearly has no desire to make you feel safe in your own marriage and Plan B may be a good idea if things don't turn around.

I would flat-out refuse to have ANY discussion about this woman's well-being, but that's just me.

So start with the keylogger and spyware and see what you find. If you're worried about how to pay for them without your husband knowing, just take some cash and buy one of those Visa/Mastercard gift cards from the drugstore and use it to pay for the software. If he asks what you bought, tell him it was for feminine products and he'll likely drop the questions.

Something just doesn't make sense here, and his being in continued contact with this woman seems to be a reasonable solution.

They are not stranger, they are coworker. he feel her respect & appreciate, but she already told him, she respect & appreciate him as professional, not man, then she quit job. I know her, this is for sure. he called her, leave message, but she didn't answer, the phone bill show under that number, only 1 min, so that is not problem. thanks GOD, it's one-way, but still in his head.

The problem is how he feel his EA, then he think he need think about the meaning of family, meaning of life, & think maybe single would be best way for him ... I told him "you're so strange now" that is why I search different web for different affair.

I post there is because I think we're similar, just try to give him another opinion.

for me, I already promise give him time to think, so I just wait, like plan A, but I couldn't see any benefit. I don't know what is next, hope someone could give more advice for MLC affair.

Hi Heart,
I just saw your post on strech's thread. Please don't think anyone is angry with you! We have all been impacted by infidelity or we wouldn't be posting here. We are just all at different stages. I am still pretty new to this too, and we are all learning, that is the point of us being here! Even the vets are learning by listening to other's situations and thinking about it before they respond with advice.

Keep reading, keep posting. MB really is a lifeline through infidelity.

You are welcome here.

And Heart, please follow Northwood's advice to the letter. You need to snoop. Something sounds fishy about your WH's story.

Can you ring the employer youself and check if OW is still working there?

Remember, you can not believe what your WH says right now. You need to verify everything.

Thanks for not mad at my rude act.

I know everyone there, she is not there, she is in other state now. That's why I'm wondering if it's MLC problem, because after this happen, WH is very depress, & think life is short, what is the meaning of life, if he want to & can stay with me.

I read Strech's post again this morning, it remind me I should think myself's interest first, if I try to find excuse for my WH or it's really have this kind of scientific reason there?

It's first time I search marriage at internet (stupid), & it's my first time I post at website.

You're not stupid at all, heart. Don't think that for a minute.

The internet is full of people with their own agendas. It pays to be careful and research the things you read.

I read the post http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2492792&page=1
mentioned at Stretch's post, still I find my WH's behavior is almost exactly as that book. Now, he is thinking "We're just incompatible", it's almost last stage by that post, then should be divorce?

I don't know what is next, so I told myself, stop guessing, stop dancing, just do everything for myself, & prepare anything for worse.

Since 8/16, EA happned, after 3 month suffer (withdraw), WH want to come back & commit to MB. I feel this time is different from last, he can show affection, when I'm sad, but I feel his feeling is not totally here, still with her?

We're reading book, & hope could recover. I thought I'm very calm after he need rethink, but now, looks like all my hurt feeling come back again.