|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Member
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820 |
well that seems to be working so far then, I know what it's like to want things to be better with a very quickened pace.......I am a now girl myself......
but healing is done one day at a time and making a new history day by day....
I know you are going to doubt everything, but don't look at it in any other way then what is happening in the moment.....enjoy it, don't miss out on the good that is happening by worrying about what is going to happen or what has happened.......
try to understand that loving each other is what the goal is and that you are a big girl, and that you are willing to take a chance at a happier marriage, you are doing this for you, a conscious decision for you. We all know we give our best for ourselves...............
stick to it, and enjoy it
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
It's not that Spending Time with Friends Is Evil. What it does is take away from the far more important time you need to be spending with each other. While you are with friends, no love deposits are being made.
Right now, in crisis mode, you can't afford to waste any opportunities to make $LB deposits.
Later, though you may OCCASIONALLY spend time with friends, it should never take away from the time you two need to spend together. IMO, it would be much better and healthier for all couples involved, if once in a while you had a get-together for all, rather than "girls night" and "boys night". Play games, have a potluck dinner, whatever.
Splitting up for pleasure or recreation is not a good idea.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870 |
Im trying. It hard. But I'm trying.
Is it wrong for me to want all of these things from him? To expect so much? I want him doing all of these things for me...because (I won't say this out loud) but he really [censored] this up and I think I deserve it to be made up to me. This scores big points for him to...this kind of stuff fills my en. And in exchange I know sex fills his. And he got plenty Saturday. I imagine you might call it making up for his mistakes or a form of "just compensation", Still need to adress all the ENs though, and understand thier importance in the big picture
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
I told my mother.
She's paying for me to get a post nuptial
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152 |
How is she taking it? It is better she hears it from you, than from someone else.
me, DH
all the children
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
She took it ok.
Also her father called me. He's weird but was sorry. She's not pregnant so that's good
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
He did say someone called CPs on her sister for her nephews and they blamed me...but yea no I didn't do that
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
She's not pregnant so that's good Dang. I just KNEW I should have bet! 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820 |
I'm glad that she isn't pregnant, we all knew it was just a ploy, my husband's Ow claimed she was killing herself one night, and one of her friends had to call my husband so he could do something about it, or so she thought.....pathetic isn't it....they will do whatever low life stuff they have to.
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
Now her dad called back and ranted for 45m about how I have one week to get a life insurance policy because he hates my husband and is going to kill him. He went on and on nd was cursing and yelling and...yea. He has less than 6 months to live (cancer) and was raving. Im freaked
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780 |
Now her dad called back and ranted for 45m about how I have one week to get a life insurance policy because he hates my husband and is going to kill him. He went on and on nd was cursing and yelling and...yea. He has less than 6 months to live (cancer) and was raving. Im freaked I would definitely report this to the police. Terroristic Threatening is a crime.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
I got the last 10 minutes recorded.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
It's sad, and he may not even be in his right mind, depending on where the cancer is.
Still, your first and only loyalty needs to be to your family. Report him asap, and do not take any more calls from him.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,152 |
Very many people with cancer in the end stage have cancer in their brain too. It's extremely common.
me, DH
all the children
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870 |
It's sad, and he may not even be in his right mind, depending on where the cancer is.
Still, your first and only loyalty needs to be to your family. Report him asap, and do not take any more calls from him. How did you do with this C&T? Hope you called the authorities, they know how to handle sick people, and this guy is on his way out Still, stick to the plan and make sure there is NC There are proper places for OW to get cpmfort
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
I got the last 10 minutes recorded. File a police report about this. I suspect he's just spouting off in anger (or he would do something without warning anyone first about it) but the police will contact him. That should back him off on the threatening phone calls.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,463 |
I would block his phone number so he can't call again and definitely file a police report on him. I'm glad she's not pg, didn't think she was. Also, glad your mother took it okay, take her up on the post-nuptial. It's good to have him committed to you in writing, shows he means it.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
I'm so angry today. He didn't get out of bed to help me w the kids. Still in bed when I left for work and to take the kids to school and nanny.
He says he had bad milk last night. Left his cereal bowl on the couch.
I'm so mad. He's home all day. Why hasn't he applied for more jobs? Why isnt the floor mopped? Dogs cleaned? Laundry done? Diapers emptied? Fridge cleaned? Beds made? Why didn't he find us Halloween costumes like I asked? Fix my watch for marathon training?
Wtf. Why am I doing everything? Why hasn't he found a marriage counselor?
I feel like he should be bending over backwards to make my life easier. He should be graveling!
I'm so mad and upset today. I dreamt all night of him creating secret emails to email her.
Yesterday was such a rough day. I work a damn 15 hour day today. I don't have time for this.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 413 |
I guess I'm just going to tell him all that. I feel like my niceness is being taken advantage of and like he isn't doing enough. It's not enough.
Wy hasn't he found a counselor for us? Or a attorney for the post nup?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179 |
The angrier you are, the more care you need to take that you aren't disrespectful.
Pretend that you were the one who didn't do a bunch of things he expected, and speak to him the way you would want him to speak to you, if the situations were reversed.
IMO yes, he should be doing more, but on the other hand don't expect perfection.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (kalmiya),
180
guests, and
48
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,477
Members71,918
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
