"He keeps insisting on alcohol though...it just makes me sleepy bc I'm already drained."

Insisting, or suggesting? POJA, CA.

"Also I made a sexy joke and he made some comment about me not being allowed to touch it...not sure if hes teasing or whaat"

ASK HIM...and a wink wouldn't hurt.

C & H, you guys are so young. You have such a great opportunity to apply lessons I wish I would have known. Mommy lecture over...


Apply MB concepts, doll.

Ask...or just grab (playfully, of course) and tease him, "What are ya gonna do to me now???"

I didn't say any of my money concern outloud because he did do what I asked. So I just tried to keep my money anxiety under control and enjoy it.

The cake making went well..it was cute because ge didn't know what a ton of techniques where, so it was fun. He wanted to watch a movie but I suggested a game. The only game we had for 2 was lust, a sexy game I bought him for Xmas last year...there was some corny stuff but it was nice to reminisce and laugh and touch each other.

After lunch but before wine we came home and we talked. I of course ended up crying but I was telling him...I know he's trying because he's doing things but I don't feel safe or loved or special and I need that. I asked slot of questions about her and how it progressed. He doesn't know why he emailed her after 5 months of NC besides work his only answer is his sex drive. He says he didn't mean to fall in love with her, but he did, but that it's going away. He says he still loves her but he loves mire and his feelings for her are fading. This is obviously very hard to hear...to imagine your husband holding another woman and telling him he loves them.

It was a struggle to keep him looking at me and I got really frustrated and finally demanded he look in my eyes and asked why he can't even look at me. His eyes got really red and as he whispered "I'm ashamed" a few tears fell. That is the first real remorse, not just words I had seen. I told him that and smiled and said all I want is for you to be real with me...stop holding it in, because it shows and I don't know WHAT your holding in so I assume the worst. If your ashamed...or sad...good...let's talk about it so I can feel safe and you can start to feel better to.

The rest of the night was really great. Felt nice.

Oh and suggesting alcohol frequently would be the answer I guess...

Oh and I did ask a bunch about the no touching and he was serious-he said he's testing himself to see if he can keep his drive in check...I said ok well I appreciate you respecting me and not pressuring me...but if I outright ask I think that's ok. He agreed...all 5 times.

Lol. Good for u

One day at a time, it sounds like it's going well. What are his plans tomorrow?

He's supposed to look for more jobs, go grocery shopping, and clean the kitchen floors (both the latter his offer).

I'm not sure what you mean by this, confused, but I would caution you to not get into the habit of drinking with your WH during this time. Both of you need your wits about you. Alcohol dulls the senses and promotes a false atmosphere of 'everything's okay' - unless, of course, you get hammered on two bottles of wine and fall into a dresser and require a trip to the hospital via ambulance while your children look on in order to get stitches in your forehead, which is what happened to me.

Neither scenario is a good one.

Lol oh no marital!

Yea I think it makes him feel better. Not sure...

Don't go there, sister. Do recovery SOBER.

Yeah, it was BAD. BAD for me that night. You lose control when you decide to throw alcohol into the mix. Take it from someone who has a nasty scar on her temple.

Thanks.

We don't really drink heavily but we do usually have wine 2-3 times a week. Not plastered worth...maybe 2 glasses each. If I ever get "drunk" it's usually out w the girls (which I'm not supposed to do now?) on a Friday night to a local Mexican place. Usually the husbands order pizza in, we get margaritas and food, and meet back and play board games or watch a movie. That is a typical fri night for us. Smetimes we all go to dinner as a big group, but the seating there sucks and it's tough w kids...

I will be careful. We did have wine sat night...a tasting at a wine room (5oz each) and had about 2 glasses each later at home after cake baking.

I'm really struggling with what other people think. I feel like people think Im dumb. People say I don't know how you do it, how do you not strangle him (or her) how can you have sex w him, how can you look at him...it scks. It's not like he just morphed into a horned monster when I found out....I still love him. Why I dint know.

It's hard to know I'm doing the right thing...I still want to...it's just tough

Your doing the right thing

After recovery, I would not think that was 100% out as long as he is with the other husbands and you are with the girls. You still need to have a life too but make sure you are the #1 choice with each other first.

Thanks. I've talked w my 2 best friends and we all agreed that we should probably all focus a little more on marriages. We all think it's ok to hang out the 6 of us...but maybe we do less. It'll work out I hope.

When is "after recovery" anyway?

How do I know if he's I'm fog or not, remorseful or not, etc?!

I'm actually going to let someone farther along than me to answer that one becuase I'm still stuck in one place of recovery. My husband has just started posting in the recovery fourmn to get help.

I could tell almost instantly he was remorsefull and he didnt stay in the fog long but he is still taking the lazy way out of recovery and making me call all the shots and by now he should be working for me.

Yea he is kind of making me call the shots to...although that's very much our lives. I ask him to take charge but he just does t...


Today however he did get dd5 dressed, get dd1.5 up, make me and dd5 bkfst, make me coffee in a travel mug, packed my work bag, started my car to warm it, etc. Which was very nice.

he is trying, I want you to just concentrate on what he is doing and not what you think is going to happen for now.....

Im trying. It hard. But I'm trying.

Is it wrong for me to want all of these things from him? To expect so much? I want him doing all of these things for me...because (I won't say this out loud) but he really [censored] this up and I think I deserve it to be made up to me. This scores big points for him to...this kind of stuff fills my en. And in exchange I know sex fills his. And he got plenty Saturday.