I have been married 31 years
Kids 24 and 28 both married
Stayed home to raise children
Husband traveled a lot with his job

Was at sporting event and noticed H teary eyed looking at someone in front of us. Recognized the woman as one he worked with 25 years ago. I kept quiet just observed. She never once turned around.

History: this woman was always calling when they worked together. Once husband changed jobs I kept getting phone calls with no one there but someone was there We have moved over 15 times and each home I got these calls.

Recently husband will say things as though I was her. Says things that we did together that we never did. It was as though he is thinking I am her. I think he was living 2 lives as he was away M-F and home F nite. We had unbelievable weekends together so I never suspected anything until he wasnt away anymore.

I have been in plan A for 1 year now and lose it at times. He never admits to anything.

I know its time to spy but havent other than checking phone.
Only has business computer.

WHat do I do now? He will never give in





I now think he has been seeing her off and on for 25 years. My marriage in my mind is a lie. She is single and always has been. She will never go away and he is just plain stupid.

Hi, welcome to MB. Sorry you are here.

Do you have any solid evidence?

What have you done to confirm there was a relationship?

cmh, I would get solid evidence of the affair. That can be done by putting spyware on his phone, a keylogger on his laptop and hire a PI. There is nothing we can do for you until you get the evidence.

Does he still travel for a living?

I dont have anything other than every Monday on his phone was an unknown caller same time and when I mentioned it he got angry .. havent seen it since.
And a list of things he says to me saying we saw that movie, calling me a nickname and then looking funny, saying I sent him candy and remember the soccer game we saw in london!!! The list is endless. I know its this lady because he mentions the company that they worked for alot now. He has worked for 8 different companies and never mentions them. When I ask him anything he says Im crazy and gets so very angry. When I mentioned I should see a therapist he said "nooooo everything will unravel and it will be a downward spiral"
The reason we were apart was we were trying to sell our house for his new job so we could move to that state. Once we sold he was reluctant to buy. I was so busy planning weddings for our children both got married same year. Anyways we ended up buying another house together I think for appearances/job etc
He then was going through what I now realize the withdrawal depression. But now he is acting strange again. I feel like I am trying to prevent him from seeing her as I am now with him all the time except for work. The up and down moods are killing me.
I know I need actual proof before he will come clean.

I think he may have a trac phone at work. I was thinking a voice recorder under seat of car. He only uses work computer I cant access that. Also he has a tendency to talk on the phone at work outside walking around. No longer travels and when he does I now go with him.

I think you're smart to put the VAR in his car.

Also consider that this may not be a long-term affair. That woman may be his latest AP.

Do you still have that phone number that came in on his phone every Monday?

the number was unknown caller and it was on his blackberry work phone.

The woman sitting in front of us at the event doesnt even live in the same state. Also I now know he knew she was going to be there as he was very nervous acting and kept asking me to see the tickets/seats. Our kids and spouses were with us. They kept asking what was wrong with dad.
What is the reason a woman does that. I am amazed that someone would do something like that.

If he has a blackberry, I would take it and slip spyware on it that has a built in GPS. GPS will be very valuable to you and the spyware might also show you the origin of that Monday AM call. eblaster has a good one for blackberrys. spectorpro.com

How do you know this?

Maritalbliss
She retired to Florida. But you are right she could have a place right around the corner for all I know. We have since moved from that state
She is very rich though so I think she has a northern home and a southern one.

Can you tell us more about this? What kind of things? Did he call you by her name?

No, I'm saying how do you know this for sure? You're not taking your husband's word for it, are you? Have you checked property records in your county to see if she owns property there? Have you googled her on FaceBook? See if she has a FB page and look at it to see where she says she's living. While you're on there, copy her Friends list to a Word doc and save it. You might need it later.

Don't take your husband's word for this. Confirm it on your own.

cmh, I had the same feeling as MB. I bet that old skank lives in your town.

Something must have happened. I wonder if they broke up because he won't leave his marriage and she is sniffing around like an old dog in heat. That would explain why she showed up there and why he had a tear in his eye.

I really wish you could hire a PI.

I would advise you to very carefully accumulate a bunch of evidence FIRST before confronting him. No matter how badly you're going to want to confront him when you discover the first piece of hard evidence, don't. I think you'll only get one shot at this. It sounds like he's lived a double life for years and years and you've got to uncover all of it before you confront or he'll just hide behind a wall of denials and trickle truths and you'll never be able to recover NOR get the entire truth about your life.

The entire truth is important whether you divorce or recover.

Mr. W

p.s. - Might he be experiencing some dementia or early indications of a mental condition? His slipping up could be a sign of something medical going on as well. He's getting angry as a way to deflect and hide that he's having trouble with his memory. Very common.

His memory must be going .. He just this weekend said oh we were at this restaurant before Well i never was and it was just a few miles from where she lived in ny
I have a question My daughter lives in Alaska and we have not seen her in 15 months. I am dying to see her but am afraid to leave husband alone for a week. Is that wrong. I can't even explain this to my daughter as to why I won't visit. I am trying to get my husband to go too during holidays. Would that be better? I feel like I can't leave him for one night.

Daughters husband is in Iraq that is why I am anxious to see her. She is alone

Send her air fare to come to you if WH can't go with you. Do not leave him alone.

Stop stealing my ideas.