Well I laid everything out for WW. What it will take for us to be together again-what I want and what my needs are. I asked her for her wants and EN's and let her know I need an answer soon as we have had enough time for us to think this thru. I told her I would give her sometime with out me in the picture to think about this. It has been 10 days with very, very little contact. If she comes back with "I don't know" again Plan B letter is written and will be sent.

After six months of seperation I am not ready to call it quits but I am ready to face the possibility it could be over-atleast for now.

How much time should I give her for an answer (with actions)?

Everyone on MB has been great. I'm not sure I would still be trying if it were not for the support from this group.

Fishing.

My opinion is that you haven't fully implemented MB.

What was your Plan A? If you have to "ask" her for her wants and EN's, then you must not know what they are. If you don't know what they are, how did you do a good job of demonstating your ability to meet her needs?

If you are laying out what you want and what your needs are -- then you're really clueless. She doesn't care. She has zero interest in taking care of you.

Giving her more time with you out of the picture is exactly what she wants. More time sitting on the fence.

Plan B is not about giving ultimatums and waiting for her to decide. She is not capable of making good decisions while her head is foggy with affairs.

Sounds like you've been giving her the fantasy. You're still around to take care of family obligations. But she gets to play on the side. Good deal for her. Why exactly would she want to "choose"?

Dear Fishing,

You seen to have done a good job by applying plan A and giving her an impression of the fabulous husband and family she could have is she gives up POSOM. You have made some grand deposits in her love bank, she is going to miss that once you are in Plan B.

As you have said your love for her is slowly being replaced with anger, which is understandable because of her selfish way of living. She wants the good things, but is not willing to do the work. You know in your heart it is time for Plan B.
Have you got the letter ready? Then, it is time to send it to her and to end all contact. Make sure you give of the picture of an independent man, enjoying his life.

You are worth more than this. Don't pick up her crumbs anymore. That is what her contactmaking with you is at the moment. Stay dark, don't answer her e-mail, don't let her provoke you. She is happy with the status quo, so be aware, that she will try to lure you back into playing family and/or being a nice friend to her, while she is playing single woman with no responsibilities at the same time. You deserve better. Do not settle for less. She is a siren and will be playing her song, to lure you out of plan B.

You can do it. Don't wait anymore. It is time.


God bless you

Happyheart

Thanks Happy Heart and Lexxxy, I have done as much work with MB as I can on my own. She has not done any even after I asked her to. She doesn't want to make any committment or decisions. Plan B it is and it starts today.

I feel as though I have done a good job of Plan A and she will miss that. She is a cake eater and that needs to stop.

Wish me luck and the strength to do this.

Well I have been doing a good Plan B. Not perfect as I have had to have some(very little) contact with her. I am meeting with her tonight as We need to talk about the house and other items we own and what to do.

I plan on it being a short meeting and I have sent her an agenda. She emailed back that she needed a little time to think about the agenda. I replied" you have had six months to think about all of this. We need to talk about these things tonight."

I figure nothing on her part has changed. No effort or willingness to work together or committment from her so it is time to get some issues worked out. This may get ugly when it comes to the house and other properties we own. Wish me luck! She knows exactly what it will take to work towards reconciliation.

How is any of this part of Plan B? NO CONTACT. That is the MAIN part of Plan B. If you were to reconcile, would you be okay with your WW have "some(very little)" contact with OM? I would hope not.

The little contact was over bills that she owes for. Not a pleasant subject for her. Mostly via email-straight and to the point.

Well today is the day that I was/am going to talk to WW about our house and properties and things we own. I want to get this split apart as I believed things were going south on us and I want to make sure that I don't get shafted. Or at least I thought they were going south.

I was snooping this morning and seen that WW and OM are calling it quits. It was my WW that told him she does not feel good inside about her "friends with benifits" and that she believes it's best if they do not remain friends anymore either. She says she misses the companionship and closness of a loving relationship. He replied back that he no longer wants the relationship either. Not sure if she is talking about us. I still think I need to push the issue of the property stuff. I know it sounds like preparing for divorce and it is. I am not giving up but need to prepare myself and my finances so I can continue to support my kids through school. It also should give her a wake up call that I am serious. I need to have this contact with her to settle these issues.

Some would say to use an attorney to do this but that costs money! Give me hell if you want for breaking Plan B but in order to secure my future I need to speak with her. All business tonight!

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Act as though you never recieved the snooping info.

Waywards break up all the time, its part of their drama and excitement.

Move forward with your actions as though you were not privvy to the communication between them and don't get your hopes up.

Don't lovebust if you meet or talk with her.

Plan B is for your sanity primarily. Every bit of contact or knowledge about her life is torture to YOU.

Thanks reading, I wouldn't reveal what I know about their break up. It would give away my snooping system. I will not love bust thats why I said "all business tonight". I am trying to keep my emotions in check. I do need to do this to help keep my sanity.

Guess what though.....in plan B.....you don't snoop.

You just release all control of the other and refocus to self.

To actions that protect your heart, your soul, your finances, your children, your future without them.

If they ever end the affair and come back to reconcile, you see where you are at and if you choose to bother to try to rebuild. Then, should you choose to try to rebuild with them, you snoop to verify.

Yeah, I snooped this morning because of the conversation we are going to have tonight. During my plan B I did not snoop as I just tried to live life myself and for my kids. By snooping this morning it was, in my mind, to verify that I was right in my thinking. I try to follow the book to the best that I can. I do make mistakes and try to learn from them. I appreciate your reply and yes you are correct. Thank You

Well I think I may be moving my post soon. Looking at divorce. How someone can change so much--I don't get it. Where did the values and morals go? I believe someday WW will regret her decisions and it is going to be too late.

As I snooped before our conversation about our assets, I found out she now broke up with POSOM #2 but now is planning on meeting POSOM #1 Who I thought was out of the picture. Enough is enough!! She is definitely not the person I used to know. She is addicted and not willing to even admit it when she has been exposed. She has her story and is sticking to it. How messed up in the head is she??
Well, better days ahead.

Just so everyone knows. I have asked WW to read the books by Doctor Harley. She has not. Why? Because what he tells us is the truth and she doesn't want to hear that. I have aske many times if she would be willing to see MB with me. As always she never gives an answer. I want all to know I believe in MB and it will work but in my case I can't make it work without some effort on WW's part.

I'm right there with you Fishing. My WSTBXW also wants to read the books and claims she has posted on this forum. I think she just wants to see what I have said about her. My threads are gone tho. I had her watch Dr. Harley's 30 minute video on Infidelity and says she agrees with him 100%. BUT she is not 'ready' to leave POSOM. By the time she is, I will be long gone. Enough is enough.

Only you know when you've had enough. I believe in MB as well and will use it if there is a future Mrs. LnT.

LNT, I'm glad you brought that up about using MB in future relationships. I'm right there with you. When I am ready to have another relationship you can bet I will use these MB practices.

Well I laid it all out with the Plan B letter on the 14th. I have had her try to communicate with me a couple of times but I have not responded back. We have been at some of the same meeting because of the kids but I have not said anything to her. I can feel her looking at me and she has said Hi and good bye. I just walked away.
Don't know if that was right or not but I am done talking. I told her in the Plan B letter what it will take for us to try again and until she is willing to do these steps there is nothing to talk about.

I do feel much better. Like a weight has been lifted. I tried to do everything correctly for a good plan A. I just exhausted myself. I do pray for her everyday to wake up from this fog but I really don't think it will happen. Wish me the strength to continue and not to love bust if I ever do talk to her again. Sad but getting better.

Hang in there! You will get stronger every day and protect your love for her while she plays stupid. She may or may not be back, but you will be ready for recovery if she does I completely ran myself to the ground in Plan A (waaay too long) Despite having a very willing husband, I am at times sabotaging recovery because I am simply wore out. Take care.

I find it extremely hard to stay dark in plan B. I am doing it as well as humanly possible. I have moments where I get weak and want to contact WW but I go on MB and read and get support from all of you.
I really don't think we will reconcile as I don't see any effort on WW's part. It is a rollercoaster. Just when you think you are strong something triggers the feelings that I am trying to get over. Today is one of those days but I will stay strong.

My dependant children are feeling the tension but I have explained the relationship the best I can to them. They know I love them and that this is not their fault or their job to help repair the relationship.

Your emotions are totally normal. No fun. Nope.