All those things will affect you, but please stop worrying about them, because there's nothing you can do.

It's too late. You will need, at some point in the near future, to move off the property they both work for (UNLESS the OW moves away and quits her job, but this is not likely). So you have already lost your residence. Your children have already lost their friends; they just don't know it yet. All the children on both sides have already been humiliated; they just don't know it yet. Their Christmas has already been ruined; they just don't know it yet. Your marriage and your life as you knew it are over.

The good news in all that is, there is plenty that you CAN do something about, once you stop worrying about all the things it's too late to change.

You CAN wreak havoc in the A by being the best wife you can be.
You CAN shine the light of day on this evil relationship by telling everyone in your family, his family, and her family, then asking for their help.
You CAN do whatever needs to be done to prepare for Plan B at the end of your spectacular upcoming Plan A.

Follow the blueprint on here, and you will heal and recover. Chances are very good that your marriage will recover, too.

Your old M may be dead, and your life is drastically changed forever, but let that be a vehicle that carries you to a new, even better life. Hopefully WH will give up his OW and join you in that wonderful life, but either way you'll be fine.

I should add that part of your exposure, in addition to family or friends of the 3 of you, needs to be the workplace. They are doubtless using company time and/or resources to carry on their adultery. The company is likely at risk of sexual harassment suits. Even if their chance of getting sued is small, they are not likely to want the A to continue and leave them exposed.

Your WH may lose his job. I know that's scary, still, it's far better to deal with any amount of financial problems than to lose a long-term M, especially one that involves children.

I dont wish to frighten you, but you might not want an active wayward in your home over christmas. Not if you want it stable and happy.

They have freaks and flip from one mood/personality to the other. You dont know if youll get jekyll or hyde. Plus if he is messaging the OW to say happy christmas and you see it, how likely are you to keep your cool?

Best to be honest with the kids and let them know they can have faith in and rely on one parent for the truth at least.

Let me preface by saying that I'm not an attorney, just a woman who had to become literate in harrassment law because of fear of a lawsuit against my H when he threw his AP under the bus the day they were exposed.

Having said that: Remembering the old saying that 'anyone can sue for anything,' I'm sure an enterprising attorney could come up with something to file but I don't know what it would be, and it would probably not have enough merit to go through the legal system.

I don't think it would be a sexual harrassment lawsuit in this case. There's no abuse of power that I can see.

Sorry I'm a bit late to this thread....

Okay, you have to put together your "toolbox" to fight this affair/estrangement rationally and effectively.

INFORMATION
You need to gather some evidence of their affair. The inexpensive way is electronically, by: keylogger; cell-phone spyware with GPS; VAR in his car and any room he might retreat to to carry on converstaions with POSOW. If that is ineffective, hiring a PI to shadow him/her when they're likely together (and they ARE getting together, you know that, right?). Without such evidence, when push comes to shove, you will merely appear to be a hysterical, irrationally jealous wife.

You need to be familar with the marriage (and dissolution laws in your jurisdiction. In most cases this means consulting with some legal mind private attorney, legal aid, etc) What you want to know is if you are in a jurisdiction with "alienation of affection" statutes and/or allowance to consider adultery as a "penalty" in any dissolution settlement. WH appears to be a classic cake-eater. Eventually, after you have the "cost" of a divorce to discuss with him, he'll come to understand that his financial situation will be that much WORSE after a divorce (two domiciles, lawyer fees, etc) than it is now.

ACTION PLAN

You've already started a decent Plan A (personal grooming and dressing). Add to it with whatever your husband enjoys. Make his favorite meals; play his favorite music; discuss his favorite topics; elevate contribution to the family income. (Remember, if financial troubles were a key initiator of his outside-EN-satisfaction, POSOW's key attraction was likely her earning potential and independence. Reduce the difference between you in this matter.)

If Plan A shows signs of working, keep at it. If it stalls, and you have the affair evidence in hand, you'll have to bite the bullet and perform a comprehensive exposure. As you instinctively know, this would have some risk to his employement status.