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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
LOL! We have to keep a sense of humour in these bitter times dont we now!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,495
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CV,
I thought my H had a medical reason why he was not too interested in SF. I actually picked up some information for him at a health fair. It turned out he was having an affair and having SF three times a week with OW.
Poof --- that poster has disappeared. I wish I would have bumped the gift to lurkers thread.
AM Oh I agree. It is a possibility. Just looking at all the angles here. CV
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
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short verion of my life... I have been married 7 years, my husband is 17 yers older than me.. I am 48 he is 65
He REFUSES to have any physical contact with me... I have begged ... pleaded ... cried ... I have written (and made him read in front of me so he understood what I was saying) EXACTLY what I need to be happy in the physical relationship... He completely ignored it..
We have a very nice comfortable life, he is retired I still work... He gets along well with my adult children, I get along well with his family.
He is a kind man, hard working, moral and trustworthy...
He won't kiss me, make love to me, or even touch me in the most basic ways husbands and wives touch daily... If we pass in the hallway I lean in to kiss him and he moves around me like I am a wall... IF I get a kiss it is a peck on the lips.. and that is ONLY after many many attempts..
He will not go to counselling, he will not read books (I bought them all!) he will not address the problem in any way.. When I have spoken at him (I would say to him, but he ignores me like I did not speak) he will not answer my questions...
I thought it was because I had gained weight, so I started losing weight... NOTHING
I thought maybe he and I have different "passion" styles, so I read books.... NOTHING
I became so distraught, I cried every night just getting into bed with him because I knew I was going to be rejected again..
Then..... I found a male friend in the exact same situation... and although we have found sexual and intimacy closeness... we both would give it up if we could just convince our spouses to TRY to give us what we need...
I am headed on a 15 day vacation with my Husband... I have bought the his needs/her needs book.. I will be taking the love buster stuff with me.. I plan on trying one more time to get him to see what I need.....
This did not just happen over night... I tried for over 18 months to make him see I was desperate for physical love & attention.. in the 18 months we had sex 3 times.... the second time only happened after 6 months of me warning him that I anniversary was 6..5..4..3..2..1. month away and I WAS having sex that day with or without him... he obligued... but no kissing and no foreplay... the last time before I found my friend.. there was intercourse... he of course achived "it" I did not, no kiss and not even a thank you... I was mortified...
My question to you that have been on the other side... on this vacation... should I tell him about the affair and start fresh? (He has told me before he would leave me if I ever had an affair) or should I make a commitment and just see what the 15 days can bring?
I want my husband to love me both emotionally and physically... So either your husband is gay/psycopath or you are only giving the details that make you look like the victim. Which is it?
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,921
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A medical problem comes to mind here with his age.
You�re jumping on us because we�re not endorsing the excuse for your affair. It�s not going to happen.
Odds are that you thought you were communicating with your H and that he was clueless because your communications weren�t clear.
Men don�t communicate through hints. We need to be bashed over the head that something is wrong.
So put on your big girl pants and recognize you�ve done something horrible. End your affair. Tell your H about it.
Beg for forgiveness.
Odds are he had no clue.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
But that problem has nothing to do with her decision to cheat. All she has done is told is why she wanted sex from elsewhere. That doesnt make it right. She had to lie, steal and cheat to get what she wanted. She could have ended her marriage if it was as hopeless as she paints it, but she still wanted the lifestyle and other needs her H provides. She could have met a single man, instead of messing with anohter marriage but that wouldnt have fit in so well with the 'friends with benfits' deal on offer from the married guy. She wanted cake and to eat it too. Selfish.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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