That's UCMJ not UVMJ

GJM,

OM is also a Marine.

Sorry you are dealing with this with Vets day being last Friday, Thanks for serving, but did you report him to his command? In a sense OM also broke his vows with the Marines as well.

Did she ever come clean about her first affair, and did you inform the OMW from that episode, she has never had to pay the price for that one or this one.

God Bless
Gamma

The first affair I told everyone. I never found the OMs wife to tell her. She did come clean about the first affair and this one. You're right, she never had to pay for either of the incidents. This time my W asked me not to involve other people. Then she said go ahead if it will make me feel better. I didn't tell the OMs command because I didn't want his W and kids to pay for his mistake. I do have emails that I can use though.

GJM, reporting the OM to the chain of command would be a critical exposure.

If I were you, I would expose this affair this week and do what you can to kill it. Expose to the OM's wife, his chain of command, your children, everyone. In the meantime, stop cooperating with this 50/50 arrangement and stop giving her money for groceries. Put the onus on HER to get a court order if she chooses. Make her do all the work. Tell her you will not be her "friend" as long as she harms your family. You will only cooperate with actions that are positive to your marriage and your children's best interest.

Let her know you won't cooperate with her plan to destroy your marriage for an affair anymore.

While there are no guarantees, this might serve to end the affair and wake her up enough to get her back home so you don't have to file any legal action. And you may still have to do that because your wife is so wayward and has been this way for SO LONG that it may take much more than this to wake her up, if it can be done. I think you have to be prepared to take very proactive legal action with her.

That is perfect. I would use those emails and expose this affair to the OM's wife and to the chain of command. For the sake of his wife and his children. They are being harmed behind their backs and need to be warned so they can protect themselves from your wife and the OM.

GMJ,

I�m a former AF officer. You have the most effective weapon you can use against an OM at your disposal and you�re afraid to use it.

You�re giving OM�s kids more consideration than your own. It is HIS actions that will lead to any negative consequences.

What you need to do is immediately send your email evidence to his chain of command and let them take it from there.

I had two Army people as tenants in my former house. One was married to someone else. The other one was not, but it was clear she was having a relationship with my tenant and they were living together.

I reported it to their chain of command. So he was married and she wasn�t. It was a clear case of adultery. However, since I had no hard evidence all the Army had was their word and they claimed to simply be roommates and friends.

So it went nowhere, but it raised hell for a while. It put pressure on them.

You have email evidence.

Odds are very high he will get a good butt chewing and that�s about it. He�ll be threatened with further action unless he stops.

So report him.

He has ZERO consideration for you and your kids. Do you think he ever said, �I�m not going to screw GMJ�s wife. He has kids and I don�t want to hurt them.�?

Wake up, my friend. Take action. That�s the only thing that will end this affair and give you any hope of saving your marriage. OM has no consideration for you. He doesn�t care about you or your kids. So why are you paying him a respect he isn�t paying to you? Do you see how jacked up your thinking is on this?

As far as 50/50 goes, you have a good chance of getting it. The UCMJ is N/A in civil matters, which your divorce will be. Believe me when I tell you that $200 per kid is nothing.

How much time do you have left?

The affair should be exposed in one fell swoop without warning. Once that happens, your wife will be furious and will make all sorts of threats, "I was going to give you a chance now I'm not" blah, blah, blah.... Don't let it bother you one bit. It is the equivalent of taking the crack pipe away from the crack head. They are furious, of course. With exposure, the more furious, the harder you hit the target.

Once you have her attention, set her down and explain to her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and won�t stay in a loveless marriage. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. end all contact for life with the OM and send him a no contact letter

2. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle. She must move home

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc, total accountability

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to a program of recovery that restores the romantic love in your marriage

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe.

She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.

forgot to add:

Unless there is a court order, then there is NO obligation to give her money.

So stop reading the UCMJ for crap you wouldn't be expected to know under normal circumstances.

Make her work for the divorce. If she wants funding for her apartment and adultery, then she can get a job.

You're making this easy on her. IF your marriage ends it is because you facilitated its demise.

Again, I speak from experience and from the standpoint of someone who behaved exactly as you're behaving right now.

So stop.

GJM,

From the Marine website...

Semper Fidelis distinguishes the Marine Corps bond from any other. It goes beyond teamwork � it is a brotherhood and lasts for life.

Latin for "always faithful," Semper Fidelis became the Marine Corps motto in 1883. It guides Marines to remain faithful to the mission at hand, to each other, to the Corps and to country, no matter what.

So yes he needs to be reported to his command.

God Bless
Gamma

I have 2 years and 6 months before I retire.

You're right. She does have a job, which is where she met this guy.

You're right. I've been looking at the wrong things. Just being focused on saving a marriage that my W doesn't seem to want. It's become apparent that she doesn't love me or she wouldn't watch me hurt like this. I will put together this plan and run it by you guys before I execute it and you can tell me what I should change. Thank you.

I've always been a man/husband/father/Marine of Honor Courage Commitment.

Make no assumptions about custody.

My fear of losing my kids was the number one driver in me wanting to save my marriage. I was afraid I�d rarely see them otherwise.

If I had known the truth about custody (men get a fair shake) then I wouldn�t have had so much fear.

I thought the courts would be biased against me as a man. There is mom bias, but it can be overcome by being prepared and ready legally.

That means going on offense.

This could be another exposure target. Is he in a position of authority over her in that job? Is he her supervisor?

Are you in CA? I will do anything for my children. I have been an active part of their lives and I would love to at least share custody. Unfortuneately, I do not have the money for a lawyer. I can sell my stuff and try to raise the money.

No this guy is a Marine. My wife is a civilian working on the base. He used to work out at her gym.

Call his chain. That's your first exposure target.

That alone may be enough to kill it.

OM run away fast when the WW becomes a problem to deal with.

The WW doesn't want to admit it to herself, but she's often just a booty call for the OM.

That's very likely all this is to OM, so any he77 you raise will send him running.

Start exposing. Don't be afraid of it.

GJM, that sounds very much like the assault of an affair. The main emotion is FEAR and your success or failure is contingent upon your ability to follow a plan DESPITE that fear. Success is contigent upon the ability to set aside emotions and follow a PLAN. Those who can do that usually make it. Those who can't DO NOT. Those who cannot put aside their emotions don't make it.

I have full confidence that you can do that, though. Your have been trained as a Marine to follow a plan even under the most extreme duress. Another reason I believe you can pull this off is that I see you responding to REASON. A betrayed spouse who responds to reason generally employs enough of his LEFT BRAIN to be able to set aside his emotions and follow a PLAN.

You need to find a way to emulate someone else.

Do you remember the part in Band of Brothers when the LT (or Capt) was telling the private how to be brave? He said that you simply had to accept that you were already dead.

Well, you can simply accept the fact now that your marriage is over. It actually is. Any marriage that remains at this point will be one that is rebuilt.

But your marriage as you knew it is over. It is on the path to divorce and that outcome is inevitable unless you take action.

Think of it as a tactical situation that demands immediate action or it will lead to the death of everyone in your unit.

That�s what is happening in your marriage. You have a crisis and must respond in order to save it.