Rich,

Amer, makes some really good points the money now going to OCs should be going to YOUR child. The money you will pay to support OCs is the money your child needs to go to college.

Compared to being sucked into your WWs crap, being a single father of ONE child looks pretty good.

Just expose now, I went through life being an OC and never knowing what to say to people, now I just tell the whole story as is. We have no obligation to be silent about others crimes.

God Bless
Gamma

If you divorce your adulterous/addicted/liar/thief/ STD-infected 'wife' .... your 15 year old absolutely needs to know his siblings are OC.

I agree.

Makes sense to not be legally obligated financially for another man's children especially if you won't be with their mother. That doesn't mean you can't have a part in their life or even help out at times....they are after all your ds's siblings.

I would be furious and emotionally at sea if my father withheld this important fact of my siblings from me. It's unfortunate that he will find out at this late date, but better late than never.

He will eventually find out the truth of their parentage. Ask my half-siblings, who found out in their forties that they had an older sister. (Me.)

I normally would advocate for you and your wife jointly deciding what is in your son's best interest. Revealing the truth when you decide it is the right time. However, considering your WW's continuing addictions. Your son needs one parent that is honest and straight with him, regardless of how much it hurts. You may very well be filing for D and seeking paternity testing. You should not end up paying CS to this WW when your COM needs every penny from you, as I doubt your WW would come up with her share of his CS that she would owe you. Take care of your son.

Fled

Wow, lots of replies to respond too... I'll get back asap. Thanks to everyone that has replied.

You must file to have OM named as dad on BC.

You must file divorce to protect you and your sons current financial needs.

You must also file for divorce to protect your abiltiy to help your son attend psot secondary education and your retirement.

You must tell your son the whole truth today when he comes home. Couldn't have better timing with the weekend starting. Tell him WW had an affair. OM is the twin OC's dad.

Go NC with WW. Send plan B letter. You can use one of your parents or siblings to be IM. A close friend also will do.

In the plan B letter you need NC. You at this time don't know if you even to recover your marriage. But you do not want to hear from WW unless she has been in AA for at least a year. Has also gone to a treatment center to get off of the drugs as well. But to protect yourself and son's best interests you will need to get OM named legally and financially responsible for OC's, and divorce done ASAP so you have filed for a divorce and to have OM named as the bio and legal dad.

As you said you're just getting by financially as it is now.

I think this is all solid advice to protect you down the line, Rich. The reason it's crucial to establish paternity now is because some states have a statute of limitations for how long you can contest paternity. After so much time, you could be held legally and financially responsible, and if your WW is desperate, she could rail you BAD financially. While you may want to continue your relationship with the twins, establishing paternity now would allow you to set your own guidelines for how/if you want to provide support.

Check online to see how to go about contesting paternity, and while attny fees may not be something you want to budget for, it's something you have to do to protect you and DS from a WW who seems like she'd do anything to serve herself.

Rich,

I agree with everyone else on this matter. But rather than just agree allow me to offer a "straw man" scenario for you to consider, actually several variations.

IF you had lots of money, the cool thing to do is be the father to those twins that they will not have. You would support them, rear them, and when there Mother went completely off the deep end as most drug addicts do, then you could have custody of them. Meanwhile you rear your teenage son who needs you and will need you badly in the future. You could be a hero to all concerned.

You don't have lots of money, you have an addict for a wife, and she has twins from another man. I agree you should protect yourself and your son first. I think you should divorce your W to achieve that protection. If/when she ever cleans herself up perhaps there is a future, but I doubt it. Have OM declared the children's father, he is after all this just makes it official.

BUT...if time and circumstances permit you could be their daddy. They will need a daddy, they will need help in the future perhaps after your son leaves for college, or after he graduates. You could remain in their lives and not be their legal father. If your W really goes off the rails, you could seek adoption. The chances of your W finding another man good enough to rear those twins is small, she is an addict after all.

My point with protection comes flexibility as has already been pointed out.

Finally, your son is 15. Those twins are his siblings and they always will be. But, he needs to know what has happened and he needs to know now. You need to talk to him man-to-man and let him know your plans, your fears, your goals, and what you want for him. He does not need to solve your problems, but he does need to know what the problems are that you are facing. He needs to know what is clear from your posts...you love your W, but he also needs to know that love cannot get your W off of drugs and alcohol...ONLY SHE CAN.

There are life lessons to be learned here and he cannot learn them if he does not know what is going on around him.

Just thoughts, I hope they help.

JL

This post has been silent for some time now, but I will ask anyway:

isn't it possible to contest paternity without immediately having the OM as a legal father?

Maybe it would be better for children to not have a legal father (yet) if he cannot contribute financially or otherwise anyway and is a deadbeat...

Happyheart, why are you posting on this story?
Can you recap your story?
Who had the affair, OC?
Does the OP know their the bio parent?

All the BH has to do is to get a DNA test to prove that he is not the bio dad. Don't need anyting for a test medically or legally from the OM.

Now to prove the OM is the bio dad and the OM wants to fight this it could get to where the courts won't even force the OM to do an DNA test if it's 2 years past the birth of the OC because I see the court not moving to remove the bio dad past that time frame specially if the OM is a dead beat and the BH is well off financially because the courts refuse to follow the truth but hide behind the law of what's in the best interest of the OC.

The courts will not remove Mr Cuckold as the legal dad with six figure salary that has a home in upper class area with the best schools off the hook and make the Mr POSOM with minimum wage job when his not on unemployment because the WW will be all over the government for public assistance to pay to raise the OC.



Now depending on the laws of where one lives if the BH waits too long it will not matter that a DNA proves he is not the dad because once the BH allows 2 years to pass the courts will not allow the non bio dad to legally abandon the OC and will be financially and legally responsible for the OC until the OC reaches 18.