Ok, change of events....I ate dinner with her and the kids this evening and things went pretty bad. I'm a very good judge of character and can read people pretty well. That's how I found out about the affair to begin with. God don't like ugly. Anyway, I asked her if anything was wrong and she said no. Next thing I know she is saying I'm too pushy. WW talk. I didn't panic. I asked her how long she had been planning to leave. She said her original plan was to leave when the gets grew up. That lead to why she was going to counseling. She said because I wanted it. That lead to why are we delaying the divorce. She said because I asked her to.

I'm smart enough to know when to cut my loses. Still not panicked, I kissed the kids and went home. I pulled out the divorce papers and called her to ask if I could come over for her to sign the settlement agreement. She said yes. Didn't even read it. I could have put 80/20 custody for me and she wouldn't have noticed. I'm a good guy though. I'm honest in everything I do. Anyway, I drove back over there and she signed it. Now I'm going to go and get it typed up so she can sign the official one. I'm also going to serve her the papers. I am saddened that I spent 13 years with a liar and a cheater. We have such great kids too. It was me that taught them manners and respect. They model after me. They think she's mean and I still defend her. Not anymore I don't. My daughter finally even said my W was mean to me after all this time of not saying a word about our split.

So now I serve the papers, have her sign the settlement and wait for 6 months for it to be over. Plan A, Plan B....doesn't matter anymore. I'm waking up and realizing that there are millions of women on this planet and one of them will love me the way I love her. I sure do love my WW though. I can't deny that. You guys are right, I have to treat her like a drug addict or alcoholic. When she decides to wake up, I'll be here. I'm not in a rush to date. My main goal is to make sure I get just as much custody as she does if not more. I haven't given up hope. I just can't live like this.

GJM, this is called Plan FU, which isn't MB, but it's understandable.

You have the right to make this call at any time.

I still encourage you to follow through on exposure. It will prevent her from introducing OM as her new boyfriend as if she just met him after you guys separate.

The other advice I would give you is to stay on the MB plan through this process and proceed at this point, after you expose, to Plan B. Go dark.

There is life after it. 3 years after mine I met a wonderful woman that is now my wife. She is on board with MB and its principles. She loves my kids and is a great step mom. My ex could get struck by lightning and my first question would be, "Were any of the kids hurt?"

There comes a point where you feel nothing for the ex.

For now, if you do move forward with this, I strongly recommend you don't date. I say that because you're not at all ready and a D and custody fight is an ugly place to get involved with what could be a great woman. A great woman would want nothing to do with the drama, if she's emotionally healthy. So stay away.

Proceed with exposure, however.

It may seem as if I have given up, but I haven't. We have been going through this for two months. It's been almost two weeks since she moved out and each day gets a little worse. I love her, but I have to ensure my kids get better than what she is giving to them. They are unhappy in her 1BR. I can't force my W to participate in repairing the marriage. She's not interested right now. I believe she is staying married to me to retain her benefits. I don't have a desire to date and my children have said that they won't want to live with whoever is dating. Not that it's up to them, but it's not something I want to do anyway.

GJM, what about exposing the affair? The affair still has to be exposed. The OMW's still has to know. Your kids have to be told. Everyone should know.

What is the plan to expose this affair?

How will you ensure that? What changes now that she signed the paper and how will that get them out of there?

JGM,

I've been thinking about this, Mel's words about being a Marine and trained for combat and how to relate this to you in terms you can grab hold of... One thing that's sticking with me is the idea that this is combat. You really are in a combat environment. One where the "friendlies" quickly can become enemies combatants and your main target vacillates between friendly and enemy. It is difficult, but not insurmountable. So how do you approach this as a Marine?

You said early on the Marine Corps didn't prepare you for this... I disagree. The Corps has worked well for so long because it prepares you for any hostile environment. Improvise, adapt, overcome. The USMC plan hasn't changed (though technology has) because it works. Ironically is parallels MB's plan for marriages as well:

1. Identify the enemy

2. Formulate a plan

3. Do recon

4. Expose the enemy

5. Gather support

6. engage the enemy

This is basically the combat model from the top down... How does this work in MB terms?

1. The enemy of this conflict is the affair and the OP: It/they have taken your wife as a POW and has brainwashed her. She vacillates between appearing to be a friendly and an enemy because the affair (and the affair partner)are pulling her strings and feeding her lies, propaganda and misinformation.

2. Formulate a plan: MB is the best strike you have. You don't use an inferior plan that will have limited or no success. It is a detailed plan that covers nearly every contingency and has the ability to move with the enemy as they try and shift tactics. It is a plan that goes very well with the "improvise adapt and overcome" because it has already anticipated the next move(s) and has prepared for it.

3. Recon: It is validated spying. It is for the purpose of putting the enemy down once and for all. Ending the affair. It is for the greater good of protecting the innocents. It is key loggers etc... Poor recon and bad Intel will kill you in the fight. Good recon helps you further develop the plan so it can be executed with the best and most devastation to the affair. You cannot go into a town to fight combatants if you don't have an idea of their strength, weapons, supplies, etc... It is potential disaster, so you gather the proper Intel and prepare for it accordingly. This is what snooping does for you.

4. Exposure is the key. You expose the enemy to the world (just like we did post 9-11). Sure some will not join you, but others will. They will help put an end to the evil that is being perpetrated. On a more local level, exposure kills the ability for them to operate in secret. It will be harder for them to ambush you and your family. It is a bunker buster. Dropped properly, it drives them out of the affair cave so you can route the enemy in the open. Often, the bunker-buster of exposure kills the affair outright. It is the shock and awe part of the plan. It's your heavy air support. You don't fire an M16 at a T72, you fire an RPG or .50cal. It does more damage. Exposure is the carpet bomb airstrike preparing you for the ground war.

5. Gather support: once you have exposed, you will clearly see who stands by you and who doesn't. It clears out the confusion between friendlies and enemies. Your friends will have the opportunity to rally around you and engage the enemy as well... IE: save your marriage by encouraging and pressuring her to work on the M.

6. Engaging the Enemy is difficult when exposure isn't done. It's like the command is sending you into battle withholding vital Intel and not having softened up the enemy with the airstrike/artillery. Every aspect of this serves its purpose and is essential to successful mission accomplishment. Otherwise there are heavy casualties.

Make sure you expose. Make sure you identify friendlies and avoid hostiles.
Remember some of those motivating catch phrases from bootcamp they drilled in our heads?

"Retreat, he11 we just got here!" ~ Captain Lloyd Williams, USMC at the Battle of Belleau Wood WWI

"We're surrounded? Good, now we can kill the ba$t@rds in any direction." ~ "Chesty" Puller

"Some people live an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference in the world, Marines don't have that problem." ~ President Ronald Regan Make that difference in your marriage too.

"The Marines are careful, brave fighters...they were like hunters, boring in relentlessly without fear. I never heard a wounded Marine moan."
~ The U.S. Army General Staff

that's the sit-rep. You got it Marine?

Cv

The only one left is her boss and my kids.

She signed the agreement. I will keep the 4br house for the children. Then I will file to get more custody to show what's in the best interest of the children. I'm going to see my lawyer today.

Yes sir. I got it. I've reached out to the ones closer to her and am waiting to hear back from them.

What about the OM's wife? That is the most important exposure.

GJM, do one more thing. Just one, and then you can call it a day: EXPOSE THIS TO OMW. Then you can throw in the towel if that's what you wish to do.

Can you do that ONE thing?

GJ, what does this mean exactly? To whom are you exposing and what are they doing? Are you asking them to call her?

I found out that my 1stSgt is friends with the OMs wife and she is now aware of the situation. I have treid to contact her, but my 1stSgt has removed her self from the situation because she knows the OMW. My W has two people that are close to her. Her sister and a friend that she talks to a lot. I explained the situation about the affair and that I am fighting for my marriage. I asked them to use whatever influence they have over my W to encourage her to work on the marriage and the only way we can do that is if there is no third party in the marriage. They told me that they just want her to be happy and they didn't feel like they had that kind of influence over her. I said that they had more influence than they know. Then I got silence. My W doesn't even talk to her mom so that one was useless. Apparently the OMW found out around the same time that I did (Sept) and they went back to Texas for a month. OMW has taken the POSOM back and they are now working on their marriage.

Does she have a facebook? Expose to friends on FB too. ON OMs FB and on WW's

Not good enough, GJM. You need to personally verify this with OMW.

My WW has a FB, but she rarely goes on there and the OM and OMW don't have FB.

GJ, when will you be exposing to the OMW? I do not care about second hand information that she was told. She has to hear about the affair FROM YOU and you need to tell her the current situation. Saying the OMW "knows" is NOT exposure. You do not know what she knows.

I am beyond frustrated that you have not contacted the OMW after all these days. This is a CRITICAL exposure that cannot be swept under the rug. This should have been done FIRST.


In other words, they don't give a rats [censored] about her. I guess it is a good thing she is not a serial killer, isn't it?


I would enlist her mother, dad, and any key relatives and ask them to contact her.

GJ, in other words you have done NO exposures. Other than to talk to some crapwit friend and her stupid enabling sister who already know and endorse the affair. That is NOT exposure.

Look at it this way

Your wife and the OMW's H have been having

sexual intercourse with each other

and you owe it to the OMW to directly touch base with her on this heinous, family fracturing, awful, dreadful truth.

Even if you only discuss once with OMW, she needs to know what is happening in your marriage....all the better to fight for hers.

As far as you know, the OM gaslighted his wife and told her they were just "friends." Nor does the OMW know the affair has NOT STOPPED. The affair is still going strong.