EXACTLY! Now you see why I said it would be better for your marriage to go get a pedicure?

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MIL was a promiscuous woman as well. Very bad example to WW and her sisters.

Often the apple doesn�t fall far from the tree.

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WW said she was furious because that was her family and why would they help me. She also said that what was my thought process. I said to get some support for her to work on the marriage. She said this is between us not anyone else. She also said to leave her family out of it.

WS are ALWAYS furious after exposure. You usually hear some variation of what she said to you, along with something along the lines of �I was willing to try to work things out with you before you did this�. Shame is a powerful emotion, if what she did was right, why does she feel such fury for you simply telling the truth?

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When she left I told her I did it for us and I love her. Not in a begging way of course. I said it matter-of-factly.

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I asked her if she was blaming me for her being the bad guy and she said nope.

Great job! This is EXACTLY how you handle it. Also tell her that you aren�t about to apologize for doing what you can to keep your family intact and try to start the process of building a new marriage. Don�t get caught up in the drama, just stay calm and resolute.

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I know some of you are saying I should have kept him or not made him go. If I would have made a scene about it, the conflict would have gotten worse and it would have become a tug of war.

Actually no, I wouldn't recommend that you try to keep your son or any of your kids from her. Some of the other posters said that there's always the possibility that she will try that with you, and of course that often happens. But the spouse who does this looks very bad in the eyes of the court. That's why it is very important for you to try to expedite the process of getting at least a temporary custody order set so both of you know what your rights are and no one does something unfortunate. Understand GJM that if there is an altercation that I can almost guarantee that you'll be arrested. Doesn't matter if you are right or not, doesn't matter if there's no physical contact, with VAWA all your wife has to do is say she's "intimidated" or "afraid" of you, and you'll be out of your house and away from your kids for a minimum of a month. There are a lot of judges who don't even ask questions before rubber-stamping apporvals of R.O.s.

In turn she and her attorney will use this time to try to paint you as an abusive spouse that she is trying to escape from, and ask the court to award her custody based on the need for the R.O. Get a legal document in place and this can't happen to you, ok?

Until then, one thing I would do if I were you is to get a VAR and keep it on you whenever your WW comes to the house. For your protection against any manufactured incidents and the start of the rollercoaster ride to get you out of your house.

You can still Plan A, GJM, as long as you can keep your cool and not react to provocations, but prepare yourself for the worst. You're a military man so like Clausewitz said don't prepare for what you think your wife WILL do, prepare for what she CAN do.

She can't get me out of my house because she already left. I won't be confrontational at all. I've been getting control over my emotions more and more. My kids said they don't talk to my WW when they're with her. I will have them this evening until Next Friday so it will be great having them back again.

GJM & ML,

EXACTLY! Now you see why I said it would be better for your marriage to go get a pedicure?

To be fair counselors do have about the same success rate as toxic friends, prostitutes, lawyers and OW/OMs at bringing a marriage back from the brink.

God Bless
Gamma

On a scale of 1-10 regarding saving the marriage WW put a 3. She said she never should have gotten married because she was too young. Same excuses as you guys have said. Her perception of me is that I'm controlling.

What was she filling out?

Your wife's lawyer:

Your Honor, my client left the marital home because she feared her husband would become physically abusive as he has in the past when she tried to discuss dissolution of their marriage due to his verbally abusive and controlling behavior. She felt that he would not harm the children and wanted to have the time and opportunity to seek legal relief from the coercive and abusive relationship she had with her husband. We respectfully request that my client be given exclusive use of the marital home so that she can adequately care for her minor children for whom she should also be given primary physical custody. We further request that there be liberal visitation for the father with the stipulation that there be an intermediary for the handoff to minimize contact between my client and the father. My client does not wish to minimize the father's presence in the children's lives but does not wish further contact with him.

Don't THINK it won't happen, KNOW it won't happen by having something in place ASAP. Her moving out doesn't really handicap her much at all.

Do you play chess GJM? The simplest opening move, pawn to King 4, sets up the rest of the game and allows you to control the vital middle of the board and maneuver your more powerful pieces, with the secondary benefit of making it not possible to be blindsided and checkmated in 4 moves. A temporary order of custody is pawn to King 4 in a very serious high stakes game you are about to play. Promises and agreements don't mean jack until the order is signed by the judge - remember that.

AJ, all his lawyers would have to do is present copies of the emails with the OM to counter the "why" she moved out, and counter any "controlling" accusation..."Of course my client appeared controlling when he demanded that his wife stop screwing another woman's husband, your honor."

File on grounds of adultery.

I finally talked to the OMW! What do we do now?

How did it go? Did she know, like you'd been told? What are her plans? Is she working on the marriage?

Did she have any new information for you?

Fill us in!

Of course. If you are a man with an opinion who does not allow her to completely roll over you then you are "controlling." The favorite refrain of every self centered, manipulative, abusive female.

She said she's been tracking him on his phone. Everything he's done with my WW was during the day around lunch time. And nothing has happened since Sept. She called WW and spoke to her and OM. The OM is mad that I called her and wants my phone number.

What is he mad about? Did you send the OMW the emails you have?

Also, didn't you report the OM to his chain of command? That loser has some NERVE being mad at you.

Nor do I believe the affair is over. Your wife didn't move out because you were singing too loud in church.

Who told you this? Does your wife know you called the OMW? What did the OMW say to your wife? Does your wife still go to that gym?

CAn you be a little more forthcoming here?

The OMW told me OM was mad. WW works at the gym.

Is the OM's wife on the same page with you in terms of busting the affair? Does the OM's wife understand that there was/is an affair?

Your wife might get dumped today now that the secret's out!!

GJM,

She said she's been tracking him on his phone. Everything he's done with my WW was during the day around lunch time. And nothing has happened since Sept. And now she has anther set of eyes on her WH, I would guess that makes her feel less alone in this mess.

She called WW and spoke to her and OM. Good your W needs to know that her actions were not just a betrayal of GJM, but of other innocent parties.

The OM is mad that I called her and wants my phone number. Bravo the grenade landed right in the middle of the enemies tent. Ask him why he betrayed his pledge to the Marine Corps?

God Bless
Gamma

The OM is mad that I called her and wants my phone number.

Give him your number! (Actually, tell him it's your number, but give him the number of your base chaplain!)

GJ, do I have to DRAG this out of you? He is mad about what?

And does the OM still go to the gym?