Sorry, he's mad cuz he's saying he hasn't spoken to my WW since Sept and he's been working on his marriage. He goes to a different gym now. We have 3 on the base

My WW showed up at my house furious cuz the OMW called her. She threatened our marriage to be over if I did call her. I held my ground though. My DS told WW that he didn't like her.

GJM,

he's mad cuz he's saying he hasn't spoken to my WW since Sept and he's been working on his marriage.

It's very kind of him to get over this affair so quickly, is he using your marriage counselor by any chance? Encourage OMW to get a lie detector test and a keylogger for his PC.

God Bless
Gamma

He is mad at YOU? That [censored] has alot of nerve. You have every right to speak to his wife about his affair with your wife. If he doesn't like it, then maybe he should not have affairs with other mens' wives.

It is good for you to touch base with the OMW so you can keep tabs on them. Will she agree to watch from her end? And did you tell the OMW that your wife has now moved out and it is highly likely the reason was to carry on the affair?

'

Did you tell your wife you most certainly did call her? She needs to know you are in touch with the OMW and will be keeping tabs on them.

You surely did tell her, didn't you?

I did tell her my WW moved out and we are on the same page. We're sorting out the details.

Perfect!

Now, tell your kids. And I want to make damn sure your wife knows YOU called the OMW.

I told her. She ended up calming down. She looks sad now, but is trying not to show it.

Remember this

all the venom she shoots at you will be tough to hear but you stand firm.

Do not try to educate her about the rightness of exposing her affair.

Just ride out any tirades she spits out (and she will).

It is no fun for the betrayed but shows your strength....no matter the threats she states (marriage over, gone for good, telling lies about you, etc).

Breathe. Try to minimally address her statements as you
breathe. You can make eye contact with her as she blows but soften your eyes and do not make dialog with her while she is ranting. Anything you say will be bent right now. A good comment to state at some point is "I will fight for my marriage." Nothing else added.

ok, GJ, let's drive this home today. Can you finish this off today and move forward? Tell your kids all about her affair, the OM, and tell them you are doing what you have to do to save your marriage. Encourage them to speak to their mother. They have a right to know that she broke up their family for a big fat nothing. And I don't give a DAMN if she denies it.

I suspect this affair has just gone far underground and this may just kill it. Telling the kids also prevents her from EVER bringing the OM around them because they know that loserboy is the enemy of their family.

Waaaaaay back when, when I gave you the NG BH SK, if you recall the last line was "Brace yourself!"

Okay, start thinking pre-emptively here. If you were as blindingly mad as your WW is, and you WERE your WW, what would you do to GJM to ruin his life?

In most cases, WWs resort to the tried-and-true (and probably MORE true in a military setting) tactic of pulling the old "bogus domestic violence complaint" ploy. I would put some SERIOUS thought into preventing that from happening.

• Get that mini-audio-recorder we discussed and make sure you have it "on" whenever you are near her.
• As often as feasible, have a third-party present during those interactions, ESPECIALLY if it's an unexpected "I have to talk to you immediately" request.
• After EVERY face-to-face, write down in a notebook where the meeting was, when the meeting started, when it ended, what was discussed. It should reinforce your retained audio recordings.

The other likely attack will be financial. Double-check that she has no access to your funds. Cancel any credit-cards you share. Consider pulling the tags off any vehicles she uses that are owned in your name, and yank her off your insurance, giving her warning in both cases to make arrangements for her own contracts.

As far as talking to her, do not get creative. "I did what I had to do to end your affair and possibly save our marriage," repeatedly, until her ears bleed, should be the basis of your responses to her affair-fogged ramblings and rants.

I will finish it off this evening when they get home. This morning I took my older DS (11) to get his phone and he went in WW apt to get it. I stayed in the car. I found the key on the floorboard and told WW I had it. She accused me of making copies. I said I don't need to make copies, if I wanted one I would go to the front office. She said whatever!

Financially, I already took care of the CCs and joint accounts.

Congrats, GJM, you just took a big step to kill this affair.

Whether or not you save the marriage is a big question, but OM will drop WW like a hot potato because it sounds like a man who just wanted a lunch time booty call.

I'd make sure that when WW is in one of her reflective moments or giving you grief about how great the OM is that you remind her that she was just a lunch time booty call.

A lot has happened....OM called me and asked me to stop calling his wife. WW said if I was the one that called OMW then it was over. I found out all the details. My DS overheard the conversation about the OM. WW came over and brought the kids stuff then threw her wedding rings on the counter. She said she was going to get to the bottom of things and if I started all this stuff then it's over. She said to file the papers and start a new life without her. I said ok and she left.

Now what?

You do understand this means the affair is still on, right?

And I am confused. Your wife DOES KNOW you called the OMW, right?

Have you told the children about the affair?

ok, GJ, I don't think you are being completely upfront with us and we can't help you if you aren't.

I can't make any sense of your situation because nothing makes sense. I don't even know what to tell you because I don't understand.

Melodylane at 3:00: Now, tell your kids. And I want to make damn sure your wife knows YOU called the OMW

GJ at 3:10: I told her. She ended up calming down. She looks sad now, but is trying not to show it.

Then you just said at 7:18: "WW said if I was the one that called OMW then it was over."

Why would she say that if you told her at 3:00 today it was you?

Don't say "Okay." to her saying its over.
Next time she speaks with you you listen to her tirade and if you need to say something, you say "I am simply responding to your actions." nothing else. Say it calmly and do not get drawn into her dramatic tantrum.

She is the one having the affair. Not you. Do not forget that.
Don't have angry outbursts back at her. No disrespectful judgement statements.

Silence is golden on your part as she is in an uproar.

Whatever she does from here, again, her actions to either save the marriage and family or not. You stay true to saving it.