And your response?? do we have to pull teeth to get basic information?

Sorry. I denied it at first. Then I said it was me. I stayed calm though and said we could fix it. My boys now know the truth. DD is at the movies. I'm afraid to tell her, but I know I have to. I'm gonna catch a lot of crap from her family.

I told him to get the truth out. He said nothing has happened since Sept. I said I wanted to make sure your W knew the truth. There are consequence for your actions and now two families are destroyed because of you.

GJ, you need to man up here, my friend. You are acting like you are in the wrong for calling the OMW and they are now using your inappropriate guilt to indict you. You need to stop that. You are handing them a loaded gun to use against you.

Yiou need to ASSURE your wife and this scumbag that you will stay in touch with the OMW to compare dates and exchange evidence. And what is the problem with that?

Tell that SOB OM that you certainly will contact his wife. Why would you NOT? And you had better follwo through and meet with her.

Go do the right thing and stop quaking in your boots. Stop acting liek you are the bad guy instead of them.

Stop it. You are going to ruin this whole thing if you don't stop acting scared. You have nothing to be scared about - THEY DO.

If nothing has happened since September, WHICH IS A LIE, then what is the problem with you calling his wife? You do realize the OM is a liar, right? And so is your wife.

The only reason they are angry is because you have INTERFERED with their ONGOING affair. If you allow them to scare you into silence, they will have won.

I didn't believe any of their lies. I put a military protective order (MPO) against him. His career is now done. He won't see another promotion. I didn't back down or apologize for what I did. The OMW had him on speaker phone and was yelling at him and catching his lies. She told him that he doesn't have the right to say who I could call and who I couldn't. And that those two messed up not us. Sad part is, in the end, she will work it out with him. I'm afraid I lost my WW. I stood my ground as she left, but inside I was dying.

What do I do now?

To make a rather crude analogy: It's not carelessly falling off the cliff that might kill folks; it's the sudden stop on hitting the ground. So blame the ground?

Similarly, it will not be your actions that might terminate your marriage. That process was started when she decided to jiggy with ol' Gym-Bob. Your job now is to be the ground that she goes SPLAT against.

But maintain situational awareness, okay?

I don't understand what you mean? I've taken the high road throughout this process and I'm afraid this thread will be headed to the divorcing/divorced section.

I've done so much for this family and my career. I just can't understand why this has happened to me. As I type this, I can't help but cry. I know I have to be strong for my kids. I know I have to work on myself. I just feel like a part of me has died. I know I didn't cause this. It's so unfair to me and my kids. Am I less of a man if I cry in front of the kids?

I'm afraid this thread will be headed to the divorcing/divorced section.

If memory serves, you arrived at this site with the divorce papers all drawn up and ready to be served. The exposure process, and the complicit "manning up" you have finally initiated are what give you the best opportunity to avoid that fate.

Look, the odds are still not GREAT that your marriage will survive this. But even at that, they are significantly better than letting her walk out of your life, unscarred, to begin life as OM's "quickie on demand", in her love nest.

You will be better served, btw, if you cry (if you must) where nobody can observe. Try your shower at home, if necessary. Strong and resolute are what attract women (back). Weepy and pathetic? Not so much!

She hasn't had the satisfaction of seeing me cry in a while. I am a rock when she's around now. It's when she's away that I cry, usually to myself unless my kids happen to catch me.

No you are more of a man. My kids remarked (and they were teenagers by the time Dday happened) that they were impressed at the amount of love and sorrow I showed.

Listen, ML is RIGHT. You are looking at this all WRONG.

The OM and your WW's affair was still ONGOING. That is the ONLY reason she would have moved out. Waywards only move out when they want more freedom to conduct the affair.

You have finally dealt a blow to the affair. You actually have a chance to save your M now.

Don't let up now and if OM EVER calls you again, give him a smackdown ~ hell is coming if he comes near your W again and all of that.

Now...have you exposed to your children yet?

First, you are manning UP by doing these first steps toward a goal of saving you marriage. I applaud you for that. The only thing that matters now is that the affair is killed. That is your goal.

Your mantra is to save you marriage by ending the affair. Period.

So much will have to happen after that, but stick to what you're advised to do here. There are exact steps, and you are in good shape so far!

I am so sorry for you pain. Stick to the plan!!!

QFT: A must be killed. Expose it and kill it with NO apologies.

GJM,

I applaud you, my friend. Everyone here is jumping on you a bit for not doing everything exactly right, but I say that the mission is accomplished.

Exposure is done and it has been exposed to the greatest ally you can have in this entire situation which is the OMW.

My prediction is that he will drop your WW like a hot potato.

So your WW will be left alone without OM to fulfill her needs.

Her response is typical. We told you she would do this and say this. I believe we told you she would say that she's definately gone now and going to divorce and that you just ruined any chance you had to save things.

So I commend you on taking these steps. You feel like sh*t. I get that. We all do. Exposure is the most terrifying step for a BH to take.

I've seen a pattern on this board with WH's. They aren't always, but are often, involved with other women as an opportunity. The OW (your WW) is nothing more than a sex object to OM.

This OM's reaction gives me hope for your situation in the fact that the affair will end because he obviously wants to preserve things with his BW AND you have the military discipline aspect of all of this on your side.

So now the WW is mad as he77. She will rant and rave and talk about how you're ruining her reputation and aren't helping things.

Blah, blah, blah.

Try to find a way to detatch yourself emotionally from her reactions and stick to the mantra, "I will do what I need to in order to save our marriage. What do you want to make for dinner?"

Finally, tell DD13 the full truth. She needs to know what is happening with her family and has a right to know.

She will be the maddest of all the kids and will express as much to her mom.

The exposure bomb has been dropped. Your burden at this point is to carry on with Plan A and prepare yourself legally if necessary.

Let her huff and puff. Don't make anything easier for her.

You're at a very low point right now, but you just took a giant step in ending this mess.

Remember that an angry WW is a good thing. It means you're disrupting the affair.

If she talks divorce, tell her that you won't talk divorce with her, you'll only talk marriage. Tell her that all divorce issues will be handled by your lawyer if it comes to that.

Finally, my friend, I can tell you this: Divorce is NOT the end of the world if it comes to that.

I was devastated. I thought it was the end of my world. I ended up at a psych ward at Walter Reed hospital for a week. It was truly rock bottom.

It took a few years to feel completely normal again. Divorce is all about adjusting yourself to the new "normal." That means adjusting to a visitation schedule. It means learning to be alone again when the kids aren't around. It means dipping your toes into the dating world once more.

It is a long and painful process, but it isn't always a terrible one if you keep the right attitude.

You see, your marriage is dead. Whatever you had before is truly dead. The only thing that can happen now is that you will rebuild a new marriage. Whether it is with your WW or with another woman down the road.

You will rebuild. You will come out ahead again.

5 years after the fact I feel that my ex leaving me was one of the best things she ever did for me. My only regret is in how I handled myself at the time. I didn't have the strength to do what you have done. You'll be able to look back and say that you attacked the affair and you fought for your kids right from the start.

5 years after the fact I'm happily remarried to a woman that is leaps and bounds a better match for me.

So all I'm saying to you is that your life could go either way from here. You'll either be able to rebuild your marriage, or you will go down the path of divorce, but either way you're still a young man with many great years ahead of you.

So cry away. Grive what has happened. But keep in the back of your mind that this isn't the end and that your kids need you in their lives no matter what happens.

I've never been so humbled and saddened in my life. I had a tough life growing up in gangs and not having a mother and father raise me. I have been to combat. Everything I could have ever wanted in my life, I did it. I knew I wanted the best for my family so they didn't have to grow up like me. I tried so hard to be a good husband and father. I got closer to God. I was the guy everyone went to with their problems. I helped people on the side of the road and gave money to homeless. I set the example with my children. We ate dinner at the dinner table. I taught manners and respect and lead by example. Was I perfect? no, but who is? I'm sorry, I'm just venting. I hurt so much right now. I know I'll get through it, because I always pull through whatever life has thrown at me. I just need a hug. I am an affectionate person and I no longer have my W to show it to and sleep with. It kills me that she gave up her wedding rings.

Bud, she wasn't wearing those rings when she was with OM. She gave those up a long time ago.

But I know things hurt.

The challenge for you is to make sure the A is dead. That will take working with OMW and following up.

Like I said, I think OM will run in the other direction. The affair may still be on in your WW's head, but my gut tells me that the combination of military factors, sport screw that your WW was to OM, and the OMW's knowledge of the affair will all combine to have him dump your WW.

Helpfordad's situation comes to mind right now. His WW was incredulous that OM dumped her and ran away. She thought it all meant so much more to him. Wasn't the case.

I predict that in this situation.

Everyone keep in mind that the miltary factor in all of this is a very powerful thing.

Thanks...I will keep my faith and give it time. I had many chances to be with other women when I was a drill instructor. I was hit on a lot, but I exercised self control. I knew what I had at home. It's a shame how our society lives their lives as selfish, independent oriented people.