I'll try to be less vague. My WW changed her FB status to not being married anymore. That one hurts a little. She called and said that if she loses her job, she's not going to be cordial to me anymore. I told her that I wasn't the one that caused all of this, you and the OM did this. I said I'm just trying to save my marriage. Then she said that I shouldn't have contacted the OM command because she hasn't seen him or talked to him since Sept and that she could care less about him. I told her that if she didn't care about him, why is she so concerned about his MPO. She said it was supposed to be between her and I and that she promises nothing has happened since she got caught and doesn't understand why this whole thing came up again. I said I'm just trying to save the marriage. Then she said I was right, her and the OM caused this, but nothing has happened since then. I said as long as you know that none of this was caused by me and that I've always taken the high road and done things because they were right in order to save our marriage. She said ok.

My only problem is Thanksgiving. I have the kids for the week. This would be the first time in the kids lives that we weren't together for the holidays if this thing blows up anymore. I really don't know what to do since I am not making contact with her.

I haven't been begging, needy or pleading at all.

Thanks for giving me this kind of information. It helps me to see how you are handling things and I think you are handling them just RIGHT.

As far as Thanksgiving, just plan on having a wonderful dinner for your kids. If she calls, let her know she is welcome to attend. Don't sweat it. Let her sweat. You just focus on having a wonderful dinner for your kids.

What about your parents? Where are they? Have you told them about the affair? Do they live close by where you and the kids could have dinner with them?

And does your wife know you have told the kids? If not, I would let her know that you have told the kids all about her affair and why she left. If she says again that the affair ended in September, just let her know that the truth of that will come out in the ongoing investigation of the OM and that you don't believe that.

Way to go.

Ride the waves and be in plan A.

Invite her to participate in things but don't have expectations of her responding nicely. You are showing that you are a strong and brave and amazing man.

It will make her do a lot of soul searching. She will try to bait you to be nasty so that she can justify betraying you. Don't play into that at all.

What about your parents? Where are they? Have you told them about the affair? Do they live close by where you and the kids could have dinner with them?

I don't know my parents or where they are. My grandparents are deceased and they raised me.

And does your wife know you have told the kids? If not, I would let her know that you have told the kids all about her affair and why she left. If she says again that the affair ended in September, just let her know that the truth of that will come out in the ongoing investigation of the OM and that you don't believe that. [/quote]

I told her that the kids know and she asked me what they know. I said that you left to be with someone else and she said whatever. I left so I could make my own decisions and not have to deal with answering to anyone. Then she said there is no one else and doesn't want anyone else and that all ended in Sept. She said she just wants to be left alone.

Thanks, I'm looking forward to her doing that soul searching so she can see how good she had it here. Whenever she starts pointing fingers, I just say I did it because I'm trying to save our marriage.

I was abused as well. So were a lot of people here, and everywhere else. Please don't be distracted by trying to analyze your WW's childhood. That's not important right now.

She's not going to be cordial to you anymore?? OOOOOOOO, scary! Put this on 'ignore', GJM. It's just wayward-speak. And the FB thing? Typical wayward move. Ignore it.

You think you're the only one thinking about this? Trust me, friend. She's thinking about that as well. The timing of this exposure was pretty priceless. There's NO WAY OM is going to have anything to do with your WW - his wife has him squarely under her scrutiny and he's tossed your WW into the ditch.

That leaves your WW with no husband, no children, few friends, no OM, and no one to look at but herself. During a major family-oriented holiday time. That's not a pretty scenario for her.

I'd let her stew for a bit. She'll go from enraged, to frustrated, to feeling sorry for herself. And then she's going to start examining her options and realize that the only option that will serve her best will be to return home. She's going to attempt to do that under HER terms, because she is still a selfish wayward right now, and as far as she's concerned it's all about her.

Don't let her dictate her return. That's YOUR job. Get your list of requirements together that she will have to agree to in order to return to the M. Set the bar high and let her know that she agrees or she doesn't come back.

Stay calm - for yourself, your kids and her. You are firmly in the driver's seat, GJM. I know this probably seems hopeless right now, but I suspect she'll be wanting to talk to you very soon about coming back to the marriage. Be ready for that.

Good job, getting to the kids first! This is what she planned to tell them, and you beat her to them with the truth.

Ok OMW is asking about spyware for OM phone. He has Samsung Transform for Sprint.

Tell her to try flexispy. http://utilities.flexispy.com/checkphones.jsp?p=0

Some of the models have built in GPS.

Thank you.

flexispy doesn't support the Transform and eblaster doesn't say if it shows emails or social sites

Tell her to google her "phone type + spyware".

ARe you sure? Do you have the model #? The phone types listed on flexispy show the model #s.

oooooooooh, is that an ANDROID?? Then she can download eblaster, which is $65 and has a built in GPS. It doesn't record emails, though. It shows texts, websites visited, phone calls, etc.

Yes...model number SPH-M920 isn't on there.

Here is a back up app she can install on his phone that will allow her to LISTEN to his conversations remotely. It acts like a BUG: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558049#Post2558049

GJ, tell her to install eblaster AND the cerberusa app. That will give her alot of intel plus a built in GPS.