Spouse appears to be moving along with her plan to mediate.

She asked me the other night, "Is it your intention to mediate with me ?"

I said, I don't have a choice if that's the path you are chosing to pursue, rather than stop your affair.

She replies, no....I mean are you going to get a lawyer ? Because, I want you to know that I don't intend to. <--as if her integrity and rationalness has magically reappeared

I told her, Yes I will have counsel.

She says, Why ? (The things that come out of her mouth, never cease to amaze me.)

I said to protect my riights and advice me of what's legally in my best interest.

She responds, "Your rights ?" With a tone of voice that indicated she was amazed that I thought I had any or that I was interested in protecting.

She was silent the rest of the night.

I WAS hesitant and reluctant to expose and wanting to keep my spouse in our home, because I thought it was beneficial to our child and increased the chance of reconciling moreso than being apart would.

But since she's intent on pursuing divorce and rip our child's life apart....even around the holidays.

I have nothing to lose by exposing OM, and It's becoming apparent that not exposing to spouses family though unlikely to be effective, will not avoid conflict assuming she maintains her current mindset in the future.
Spite and vengence will forever be in my future given she no longer cares about me. Took me a while to see it......but I'm at the point of accepting that she really views me as nothing.

Besides, it's not like she has any respect for me.......

Has this been exposed to OMW yet???

SQ, I discovered that OM is divorced. The data from peoplesmart.com is stale/ inaccurate.

But I still including OM ex in the list wither the other family members.

Is she still refusing to end the affair? If I recall correctly, you were falling all over yourself to allow your WW to do whatever she wanted Has that changed? Have you told her to get out of your home?

The final thing, I asked her not to do....was pursue divorce over the holidays and ruin our last holiday season. And she ignored that request saying she intends to mediate during the week of Christmas.....nice huh ?, then she's "surprised" that I intend to seek counsel ?

Either the "fog" is really thick or she's just more uncaring than I ever imagined.

Intend to expose this weekend as a last ditch effort to inject reality into her distorted perception. I imagine I'll be having Thanksgiving alone. As she's even less likely to be willing to do anything like cooking.

Yes, I confronted her and asked if she was going to ever stop.

And she "didn't see that happening".

I told her if she chooses to continue on that path, she needed to leave while doing so, and file .

When did they get D'd?

She didn't appear to be doing anything for the past two weeks about mediation until the other night, when she asked, "Do you intend to mediate, with.me ?". Which I've read is the first thing asked by a mediator to determine the parties willingness / openness to mediation. I think she realized that she'd told me that was her intention without regard to my input. Either that or she looked at my call log and saw I have been calling lawyers.

Lawyer up, DD. Make this incredibly painful for her financially. Give her a dose of reality.

2009-2010.

I also found domestic viloence charges filed with OM and Ex listed as parties, but couldn't determine who filed against whom. But I guess it doesn't matter because the charges were dispositioned 'dismissed', January of 2011.

Love that she was silent, hope she was thinking about the consequences of divorce. DD, your WW has not had any "stick" of Plan A. Glad to hear you are lawyering up. Let her know this will be a legal battle, and you will fight for your rights. Let her feel the consequences of adultery and divorce.

You also need to show WW you will fight for your marriage... and the best manoeuvre in that fight right now is to expose.

That's good to know, DD, but the critical issues remain: Did you expose this affair to his ex? To your child? What have you been doing since you posted last - anything? Have you told her she's going to have to get out of the house if she wants to keep wallowing with this man? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

DD,

You need to let her know that you aren't playing into her games. If she wants a D, then she needs to do the work because you're not going to make it pleasant or easy.

You still haven't exposed, my friend, which is the most effective tool you have. She is playing the fantasy divorce with you. She thinks in her mind that you will go, mediated, get something on paper that sets her free, and things will all be lovely and amicable.

Then, once it's official, OM can come out into the open and you and her will be splendid friends and she will frolic in green fields with bunnies and rainbows around while the kids dance and you stare with a smile on your face at how happy she is with her new man.

Trust me, this is the fantasy in her mind.

So you need to expose because this is going nowhere.

If she brings up mediation again, let her know that she can't just call for mediation. It is something that is court ordered by a judge once papers have been filed.

Tell her that you aren't going to go anywhere without a court order.

Then ask her what she'd like for dinner or if she wants to bake cookies.

But you MUST expose if you are to have any chance of saving this marriage. The affair must be killed first.

Wayward Husband has done this to me. He moved out, filed for divorce, and I have all 5 of our children and zero finances to support them. It is a frightening situation to be in, he has complete control over my life financially. He chose the past month to not pay some of the bills and because he filed w/o entering interim support for me and the children and the court is plodding around I was told to hope for a January court date to address it by my lawyer, I'm screwed. He is ruining my credit and boosting his own right now. He comes and goes as he pleases because the court wouldn't allow me to restrict him to a scheduled visitation when he had placed a temporary restraining order against me on false charges at the advice of his lawyer to try and take the kids, it backfired on him because they awarded custody to me. OW and his family are lobbying for my ruin and it is utter hell. I wouldn't say destroy her financially by any means or prevent her from having any living expenses, but do protect yourself. I hadn't ever considered he would do something of that nature when I was in plan A still trying to win him back.

My husband did this. He hired a lawyer, then tried to convince me that I don't need one, that I could use his lawyer. *cuckoo*

I am exposing after the holiday.

For selfish reasons, I don't want to ruin my child's memory, because she seems to intend to do that for the next one.

I've also recently found out that it appears OM divorce appears to have been at least in part due to his wife cheating.

Wondering if I should try contacting him before pulling the trigger on the nuclear option. Given my WS pension for lying, there's no telling what she's told him.

It wouldn't do any good. He knows she's married and he doesn't give a damn. If you call him to say anything, I'd wait until AFTER exposure and then raise hell with him over the phone.

There's no reason to be civil with him or expect him to do the "right" thing, in my opinion.

And just who told you that OMW was cheating?

Sad...at your own peril. I wish you would reconsider this.