Can we please do what's right for the kids?-me
Yep...for the kids-WW
Joint legal custody?-me
Sure-WW
Are you going to move?-me
No-WW
Does that mean you will sign our agreement?
Ya-WW
I appreciate that-me
We still have to go over our Debt though-me
Can i have the navy fed access number user id and pin please-WW
We will-WW
Maybe we shoild grab some coffee sometime and go over it-WW
I think we should, but as soon as possible.-WW
Ok-WW
Can i have the stuff i asked for please...-WW
Today was a side of you I don't like seeing.-me
I feel like ur hiding stuff and ur recording our conversations. I dont feel comfortable around u anymore-WW
Only because you became nasty with me and I didn't do anything to you-me
Youve been recording our conversations. I have been nothing but nice up until this point-WW
No I just recorded today and you were nice until Friday-me
Well i apologize but i feel like u are out to get me-WW
I just wanna be happy-WW
For me and for our kids thats all i want-WW
I promise you I am not out to get you. I know you don't want our marriage anymore. That doesn't mean I don't care about you or love you. I want you to be happy as well. I'm not this bad person you make me out to be.-me
I hope not for our kids sake. They need a father to look up to.-WW
I have done my share of mistakea and for that im truly sorry-WW
One day i will have to fess up those mistakes to my kids and apologize to them.-WW
I wanted us to be friends so we can both be in there lives and go to there functions and get along-WW
But you turned on me. You turned your back-me
You wont give me any off the passwords that tells me ur hiding something-WW
Of all the people in the world to do that, I didn't expect it from you-me
Why would i wanna stay?-WW
This is how its always been in our marriage u can do it but i cant. So u can look at my phone bill but i cant look at urs.-WW
Well i feel like im being lied to and all i want is to be honest with u-WW
Normally I wouldn't mind showing you anything. I have nothing to hide, but you're coming at me without respect and care. Of course I have my guard up-me
Something isnt adding up and i know u think im not very smart but im smarter than i look.-WW
I have always said you're smart. It was you that said you weren't -me
I asked u nicely for them yesterday and u still wouldnt give them to me.-ww Everything is always on ur terms-WW
You feel like you were being nice yesterday?-me
Then you insult me and. Say what are you gonna do cry?-me
I was until u wouldnt give them to me-WW
And yet I still haven't said anything negative to you or about you-me
I know what i said-WW
That i know of. Just cause u say it doesnt it make it true-WW
See, that's what I mean. You never believe that a man can love someone that much.-me
You had me feeling weak and like a punk, but I'm over it now. I didn't realize that someone could kick someone that was already down and look that much further down at them-me
Im not gonna argue anymore. I just wanna do whats right for the kids-WW
I'm not arguing. I'm just talking-me
Ok and when all of this calms down, I will be more than happy to show you everything-me
I dont look down at u...i just want the truth. Thats it-WW
Ok-WW
I have always been truthful but you choose to believe outside of me-me
Theres nobody to believe outside of u. Im going with my gut-WW
I barely have friends so there isnt anybody to really talk to.-WW
You had me-me
Why did you tell me nothing happened, but you told that guys wife that you just wanted to f*** him? But then you said he has a wife and kids to not get him in trouble?-me
I told u not to get him in trouble cause nothing happened. I told her that cause she was getting loud and disrespectful-WW
But what was with the love emails? And why did you tell me that if you knew it would destroy me?-me
Thats why i said to not get anybody involved in the very beginning. You dont listen. Even when u talked to him on the phone u told me he said nothing happened and i agreed but again u dont listen.-WW
And the emails?-me
I thought u would leave me. That other crap was all talk...-WW
What emails?-WW
You couldn't be big enough to leave on your own? You told the kids you would try
They believed you-me
I obviously couldn't-WW
I did try...until i got that phone call on friday-WW
Why would I be out to get you if I was trying to work on things-me
I didn't leave you two years ago, why would I this time?-me
Idk...im still trying to figure that out-WW
The thing that hurts is you would rather kill me inside than just leave. Or speak up and say you weren't happy and this is what it would have take make it work.
Taken*
To*-me
I will take the blame on all accts-WW
I will get whats coming to ms karma is a [censored] and i [censored] with her one to many times-WW
But why?-me
Im sorry for what i have done and the hurt i have caused
You and the kids-WW
You deserve much better than me-WW
But I want you...no one else-me
Im sorry-WW
In case you haven't noticed I'm a fighter. Knock me down and I get back up. I'm unbreakable-me
Im sorry i lied...-WW
Can you tell me what you're looking for?-me
To be happy not be controlled to be a woman not a girl anymore-WW
I get that. you were always more than that to me. I felt like we were so close to getting a loving, fulfilling relationship.-me
Im sorry...-WW
I was hoping that you would learn to communicate and I would work on me and we would find our way back some day-me
Maybe...-WW
The stuff you said today.....hurtful-me
Im sorry-WW
Where do we go from here?-me
Not sure-WW
If you're having thoughts that it's too late to turn back, just know you'll be in my heart and it's never too late. I don't hold grudges-me

She is very manipulative and is getting scared because you are not under her control any more. Do you realize that? She wants access to your cell phone records so she and the OM will know when you contact the OMW. And she is getting nervous because you are not cowtowing to her anymore.

She also is playing the "I want us to be friends card" so that you won't object while she subjects you to divorce. I would disabuse her of that notion real quick. Let her know that you have no interest in being her "friend" if this goes to divorce. Tell her you will be doing what is called "parallel parenting" and will have nothing to do with her. <-----tell her that today or tomorrow. Tell her that she has treated you so badly that you do not consider such a person a "friend."


That will give her second thoughts because her goal is to use you as long as she can. When you give her conditions and make it clear you will not be her b*tch, it will put a knot in her tail.

You are telling her that you have NO conditions whatsoever and signalling that she is in full control here. You have to stop subjecting yourself to the whim of a wayward. I assure you she does not respect this at all. It will not endear her to you.

What will make her take notice is if you start setting conditions for her return and making her either respect you or she has to move on.

I was waiting for that. I knew I messed up when I said that. I did tell her earlier that if she was willing to work on the marriage and earn my forgiveness, I'd give her the passwords. She said it was blackmail.

That is not blackmail, those are your boundaries. Since she left the home and marriage she has not right to any of your records.

She is very, very manipulative. Do you realize that?

I do. It didn't work because she didn't go to my command. And she apologized for everything. She's facing reality and is getting ready to see the hardship of her new life.

I recommend you start taking more control of these situations. You're chasing your tail in conversations with her. I'd paint her a picture next time these exchanges start.

�Look, I�m not going to get into a back and forth with you on things. I have nothing to hide. I�m happy to treat you like my wife the moment you decide to start acting like my wife. Otherwise, you won�t get any of the financial info you want until it is requested by a lawyer through discovery.

Get this idea of a friendly divorce out of your head. It�s not going to happen if you go down that road. I will not be your friend if we divorce.

Unless you�re willing to talk about how we�re going to fix and rebuild our marriage and what you�re going to do to earn my forgiveness then I�m done with this exchange.�

Then don�t answer anything else. It will drive her absolutely nuts for you to not answer.

Look at the progress that has been made in the last week. You�ve taken control of the situation. You�re calling the shots. You�re protecting your kids. You�ve put a massive hurt on the OM.

This is all good.

And believe me, I know how hard it is to not answer her. But these exchanges are a giant waste of time. I'm telling you as someone who has been down this road. No lawyer or judge will read through that whole exchange.

I could show you exact exchanges like this that I had back in the day. They're a total waste of time.

My goodness, the fog certainly is thick in her texting!

I don't see a thing you accomplished in that exchange, GJM. She's blameshifting, gaslighting, lying and minimizing. I understand your desire to wake her up, but that's a nearly impossible task to accomplish with a wayward. You can't talk sense to a wayward.

Remind me - do you have your list of conditions together for what she needs to do to return to the marriage? She's fighting you for control of the wheel right now. You need to yank that firmly out of her hands.

Holy smokes........ Sounds like you were having conversation with my wife! Listen to these guys and keep at it.

A WS will say the most vile things to make you want to give up. They will say whatever it takes to try and hurt you, anger you.

This is a common tactic, I know it hurts, but remember its just to try and get you to stop what your doing, because its working.

Do not be seduced by her pathetic 'I'm sorry". She's not acting sorry! I see a lot of your hurt coming through in this exchange. You are not talking to the lady you married. She is still WAY out of it. Get back to the James Bond persona. You are in the middle of a war here and she is a crafty opponent.

Don't fall for her sad little apologies. She wants to soften you up so she can get you under her thumb again.

You are doing great GJM!! Stay strong and don't let your guard down. Continue to tell her how it's going to be from here on out. I have a feeling you're looking more and more appealing as you TAKE A STAND FOR YOUR FAMILY.

WW is being too nice right now. She wants to have dinner tonight as a family and Thanksgiving as a family. She is still talking divorce though. I won't engage in that conversation. I want to ask her if she's willing to work on the marriage, but I don't know how to approach the subject. I'm trying to be tactful without sounding needy or desperate. I said I'd let her know about dinner.

DITTO!! This is exactly the approach you should take. And I agree with him that you are chasing your tail in these conversations. They will just wear you down. She is manipulative and foggy and is only trying to HURT YOU. Stop allowing that to happen. Take control of the conversations and stop trying to reason with a falling down drunk.

You are in Plan A, so Plan A the heck right outta her during dinner. Show her the man you are.

You are right not to talk about D, but during Plan A, there is NO RELATIONSHIP talk. And if she starts talking to you about how you never did this, or you always did that, DO NOT ENGAGE.

You can also say things like, `I will not accept a marriage where you have a boyfriend, would you like a cookie?`

You want to keep it very light. You want to go into this with no expectations. It is NOT easy, but you will feel much better about yourself, especially if you are able to pull it off without LBing.

James Bond it, and be the best darn actor you can. Remember to tell your Taker that there will be an end to this behaviour and you won`t be doing this forever. Wait until your WW leaves before you start to yell, or cry.

Dinner is nice. But she is trying to set you up to get you to give her the cell phone password so she can alert her OM to your calls. Go ahead and have all the dinners in the world with her, but don't get into these long winded debates and don't let her manipulate you.

Since bullying you didn't work to get what she wanted she is now trying the NICE route. This is how WW's operate.

Stop asking her if she is willing to work on the marriage becasue it makes you sound needy. You need to give her the conditions I gave you and SHOW HER THAT YOU ARE NOW IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.

Here is how you introduce it. Tell her yes, you would like to have dinner as a family, but you don't want to give her any false expectations of a reconciliation. You want to make it clear to her that you do AGREE this will go to divorce unless certain things change. [if she interrupts here, politely say "hear me out, please, no interruptions"] Tell her you have given this alot of thought, and have decided that as it is, there is nothing here to save. You believe things can change if she does alot of work, though. Tell her, you will not settle for a loveless marriage anymore. You would only consider taking her back if certain things happen. Then go through your list of conditions. [go pull up that post of mine]

See, she thinks you will take her back on HER TERMS and that you are at her mercy. That is why you are having so trouble right now. She still believes she is in control, AND SHE IS!!! You need to take back control.

"Tell her yes, you would like to have dinner as a family, but you don't want to give her any false expectations of a reconciliation."

YES!

And that's why I turned to you guys. I haven't replied to her text about dinner or Thanksgiving. The passwords haven't come up either. I actually think that she just wants to see the kids. I probably should just decline the dinner. That way she sees that I'm moving on. There was no relationship talk, just quick messages about dinner.

No!! You should accept the dinner, but when you accept it, use it as an opportunity to tell her you don't want her to get her hopes up. Did you read my post?

YET. Her goal is to work you over until she gets them. Thats why I want you to change the course of the conversation.