I like feeling "possessed" by Markos. "The wife" doesn't do it for me. "My wife" does.

I consider "the wife" disrespectful, and Markos doesn't call by that term.

However, he can call me his "trophy wife" any time he pleases

My Dad used "the wife" phrase, occasionally. My Mom never raised an eyebrow.


Mr Pep says this:

"This is my first wife, Pep."

I've got a sense of humor, thank Gawd.

I sometimes like to tell Prisca she's my "favorite wife." She did a double-take at that the first few times, till I explained:

There are many wives in the world. Only one of them is mine, and only one of them is my favorite. The rest don't even hold a candle.

... and is the most important thing to recognize in marriage.

Could it be important in other relationships (coworkers, friendships)? Sure.

But, we are not trying to create and maintain romantic love with those people.

My wife's favorite pet name for me? I won't repeat it here. To outsiders it may seem bad. To me? It's what my wife calls me. I control that reaction, I control that definition. If it bothered me, I'd be responsible to tell her so.

It doesn't.

@Tom; you chose the proper section of the forum for such a discussion. As you see, some agree, some don't. Again, that is a illustration of the importance of RH and PoJA in marriage.

@Markos; it came up in another thread, and DNM had some fun w/ a quick Facebook poll. His findings were similar to the responses to this thread - some hated it, some like it, some were indifferent.

I use either "my wife" or her name, depending on the familiarity of the conversational partner. Here, I tend to go between "my wife" (I'm kind of over "FWW"), or if I am posting to someone with some familiarity, NGB.

If my husband called me his wife in front of me and The Wife when I was not around, the disrespect would linger.

Ask me how I know.

Oh, I agree. But I'm under no obligation to continue a relationship with someone I find disrespectful. As my father-in-law and mother-in-law are beginning to realize.

If you wish to maintain a relationship with someone, you can't do it by being disrespectful and offensive. And it doesn't matter if you intend disrespect -- the person on the receiving end is the judge. It is up to you, then, to decide whether the relationship is worth changing your behavior over.

No argument here.

However, as you state, it is the person on the receiving end who is the judge, and it is their responsibility to tell the person when a statement or action is perceived as disrespectful.

Calling an internal "foul" does not provide the perpetrator an opportunity to correct their approach.

Exactly Prisca, and that is where I realize I was coming from on this. The person being addressed. So, I guess my bent is if you are not sure how someone might react, then be conservative in addressing, and use more neutral terms such as "your wife" or "your husband".

Sort of a learning experience for me here now to underpin that any most any opinion will elicit several valid opions that could be divided into three or four camps. But, if you guys are having fun debating this, well, that is honestly delightful. Of course when I heard someone use this term the other day I was stretching way back to probably before many of you were born when it was more common. It's just my own cultural and life experience bent based on my observations way back then that the guys who used this reference didn't seem to be exactly Presidential material.. *s*

On the other hand I heard way back then wives referring to their husbands as "the old man" or "the man". I haven't heard that term for quite a few years. If Char referred to me as "the old man" to others I think I'd be just a little upset and uncomfortable, but we would discuss it at length. It would give me the impression that she viewed me not as "Tom", but as that toothless, bald guy, with the remaining strand of his hair combed forward to cover his forehead, belching after the first few bites of the dinner she made, and not pursuing her to win her back in her infatuation with Tom Jones. That would be ugly!

Tom

Hey it beats "It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again"