Plan B does not help me. I see him all the time when we exchange the children. And her with him. And an intermediary is not possible. I have no family here and neither does he. And I have to see them together at events concerning the children and it breaks my heart!

Luvin, I have a good friend who went though physical abuse with her ex. Those folks have years of practice in manipulation. What my friend did was arrange so she would drop off her kid at school and her ex would pick their kid up, or vice versa. And they only communicate through email. Abusers don't want others to see their tactics so he will be more guarded in email than face to face.

I have one of those situations with my ex. Please at least read up about how to properly plan B-you can do it!

1) Your intermediary can be a person around the world. Their job is just to filter information. Literally, if they have a computer and a cell phone they can do this job for you. They can email your ex or text him if something comes up- not you!!! So go find one!

2) Police stations, some library's and other locations all do child exchanges for you in every city in the entire USA. Call and find out how to do this so you drop kids off, he picks them up & vice versa and you NEVER have to see him or her again.

3) If anything changes, your schedule, use the intermediary-emergencys-intermediary. EVERYTHING!

4)Look at the parallel parenting plan. It will take a huge load off your shoulders. Basically, if your kids has a game you trade off on nights to go so you both are never there at the same time. Brainstorm... look at the parallel parenting or google it. There really are NO events you both have to attend at the same time until they get married

5) I asked my son to not talk to me about his dad (unless he hurt him or he was scared) for 6 months to give mommy's heart time to heal. It hurt to hear about him. He hugged me and did it. From that time on he barely talks about him unless it is serious and this many years later doesn't bother me anymore.

All that to say, it will take some practice, some planning but please do it for yourself and your kids. You will heal so much faster and feel a million times better!

Will be thinking of you!

Here you go.
Parallel Parenting

It's in here also.
How to Plan B Correctly

Thank u neweveryday, brainhurts & elaina7! I truly appreciate your direction & information to guide me!

I'm back. You can sure see that this is a long process. He married our mutual friend and employee 7 months ago. I have very hard feelings about that, but even more so I am having a hard time with my children being with her. It is wearing a hole in my head that is awful feeling. He has money and they have vacations planned. I cannot now afford to take them on vacations. I have to visualize HER ENJOYING MY SWEET BABIES EXPERIENCE THINGS THAT I SHOULD BE THE ONE EXPERIENCING!!!!!!

And I really do think he changed after taking the anger management course and hitting rock bottom, plus getting active in church. I was just beginning to get to the point of trusting and willing to try (after 4 years of separation/divorce/separation/divorce). B/c I could tell that he acted different, that the kids loved him. But I was too late. So not only did I endure 14 years of physical abuse but now I must endure a woman I dislike and disrespect enjoying my sweet children. A mother should never have to share her motherhood with another woman. It's not right or natural. It really hurts me. I wish so bad now that we had worked harder and saved our family.

Please people, give me some advice. Many thanks!

Good riddance!!! Let her be married to the wife beater. THANK GOD IT'S NOT YOU!!



You miss that? You should go slap yourself and wake yourself up!!

Dr. Harley's Plan B is exactly what you need.

This is all great advice to help you implement a good No Contact policy with your ex husband. Why don't you give it a try?

Thank you all! But any advice about my main meat of distress??? How to not feel destroyed to share my children with this witch?! I hate it. No mother should have to share her children jointly with a woman she dislikes and disrespects! Its awful!

Well, ideally you would have addressed this in your divorce.
For example, i have a court No Contact Order between my kids and OM.
But absent such an order, and considering that they are now married, there is nothing that you can do..UNLESS;

THEY ARE UNSAFE AROUND THE KIDS
Do they drink? Use drugs? Domestic Violence, etc?
Adequate housing? How many bedrooms is their home?
How often do the kids stay with them?

Did you have it written in your divorce papers that he wasn't allowed to have the children around her?

How old are your children?

Ultimately your children are going to have to make their own decisions about who they allow in their lives. Frequently they will decide not to include someone who wrecked their home with an affair. I have no contact with my mother, who married her affair partner about twenty years ago - and in fact I had virtually no contact with her through my teenage years.

See your lawyer to see what can be done about keeping the affair partner away from your children. ALSO, implement Plan B. It will help your emotional state.

Thank you. I have some food for thought. And I think my emotional trauma will continue with no solution. Just part of life that sucks!! Lots of that in ppls lives! But always plenty to find joy in as well!

Are you going to Plan B?

luv, please see your doctor about prescribing some short term antidepressants. This will help you to see solutions. Depression prevents people from taking obvious solutions that present themselves.

Yes, I read Plan B and implemented as best I can. We have children and have to have some communication. I see her and him both in a small town, in same religion. Things cause us to see eachother.

I will inquire about short term anti-depressants. lol What's the difference in short term and long term? Will I get addicted or feel I cannot function without them? I know SHE is on anti-depressants and sleeping pills plus she drinks wine daily. So she takes advantage of coping skills!!!!! ha ha Does it change your personality or who you are? I don't know! Just asking, as I have never taken anything before. Thanks for the advice.

Dr. Harley recommends Wellbutrin.

Why can't you get an IM?

The affair needs to be fully exposed to your religious leaders, and you need to tell them that any contact with your wayward husband or his affair partner is extremely painful to you. It is their job to protect you - they should prevent your wayward husband and his affair partner from attending any religious functions where you are present. If your religious leaders do not perform this duty, I would encourage you to look for a new church.

I strongly recommend you move to get away from the site where all the trauma occurred to you.