He is in Cali....no alienation of affection in that state.

CA is also a 50/50 state, so if the worst case scenario happens and you D, you should have plenty of time secured with your kids.

I'd petition the military to let you finish out your career there. Only two years left, right?

Where would you move to if you could move elsewhere?

I look back and think that I should have fought for the right to take the kids to my home of record. I would have likely won if I'd plaid my cards right.

Play your cards right. This battle sucks.

But if things do end up in divorce, then rest assured that life isn't over if it happens. I'm happily remarried and have a great life right now.

I won't be going anywhere. After I retire, I'll stay where I'm at.

It was great, I have to be honest!

GJM, the reason I asked you about thinking about when you will move to Plan B...when you have an idea of how long, IMO, it can help you through Plan A knowing you just have to hang in there XXX longer.

Also, I don't think you should do a long Plan A. Your WW's affairs had nothing to do with unmet ENs. She had them because she has had a secret second life your entire marriage and because she has terrible boundaries with men.

If I were you, I would start researching good seasoned attorneys specializing in family law/custody issues (don't use a lawyer who does family law AND other types of law) and start getting all of your other Plan B items lined up. It will take you a couple of weeks anyway so you can keep Plan A'ing during that time but then you will be ready to go.

Only problem is, I can't afford an attorney. I am struggling to make it now. I would have to let my credit go. If that happens, I have to worry about my security clearance. It's such a bad situation.

I have a massive credit card balance from my legal fight, but it was worth it.

Otherwise, you need to make sure you get good advice for pursuing things yourself. You can save yourself tons of money doing it yourself, but you need solid advice from this forum and from father's rights resources.

There's plenty on the web.

But 90% of your battle is to simply show you're a good parent, a calm guy, and have a good place for the kids to stay. You'll get 50/50 simply showing that.

Try to think of activities to do for the next few days to keep your mind distracted a bit.

I am at work so that is a distraction. I get my kids Friday evening and can't wait. I haven't spoken to WW for 20 hours. It's weird.

And she's probably thinking "I haven't talked to GJM for 20 hours. It's weird."

Let her stew.

Even if you cant afford the lawyer, if you do a free consult, she cant use them. Get the free consult from all the good ones before she does.

I haven't spoken to my WH in six weeks, and it now feels like an outer body experience. You spend 17 years with someone, and then poof adultery erases it all in the blink of an eye.

The best read for you is by a military man named, Mortarman. You have to bring out the best military strategies on the planet to beat this.

Most of the time you are lying, waiting for the enemy to make the next move (WW). They don't have a plan. They don't know what is happening.

You are in the heat of exposure. It is the bomb they never thought would drop. Keep throwing them. It explodes and puts holes in the affair. Throw enough of them and it goes nuclear.

Then you go in and rebuild.

Be still - watch the enemy from afar, but don't get too close.
Be still - become what attracted her to you.
Be still - she will screw up soon. That is when you make your move.

Well, calling on the phone, attorneys often call to discuss your situation and for you to gauge if you would hire them and don't charge for that.
Attorneys around here charge $300 the moment you walk in to their office for the consult.

There are so many attorneys around here, it's ridiculous. I understand what you're saying though. I am glad that the kids were there when I went to pick them up for school. The last I heard, my WW is trying to prove that I'm unstable. I don't see how she can prove that one. I'm so glad I haven't let my emotions get the best of me, especially as I stood outside her apartment waiting for the OM to come out. I have a lot of people on my side at work and my neighbor who is a good friend of mine and who I coached with. I called WWs work for DS8 this morning. Usually I talk first, but I handed him the phone. It was hard to do, but I'm making it. Tomorrow is pay day. I wonder if she will need me then.

So important to keep on keeping your emotions in check. I can't tellyou how many BHs I've seen just lose it (with good reason!) and make themselves look crazy. Crazy BH behavior can sometimes negate Wayward behavior. So keep on doing what you are doing.

Thanks...had to lay down for a while at lunch. Being still and not emotional takes a toll out of you. I have been trying to be professional and stay away from anyone seeing me in a negative light. I have to be prepared. She thinks I'm out to get her for some reason (probably guilt) and is probably building a case against me with her know-it-all friends and family. I know it won't hold up in court because there is no evidence. I have evidence against her though. I'm just watching to see what I will have to be prepared for.

WW emailed the Group Commander today about me. She said I wouldn't give her passwords to our accounts and that I was controlling and gave her curfews. She stated she had planned on leaving when the kids were out of the house and that there is no other man and that she just isn't in love with me and that I don't get it after she's already said it. She said I pictured her to be this horrible wife and mom and attached the exposure email that I sent to her friends and family. I was told to not send her family anymore emails. She said this was the second time in two weeks and she's sick of it. My command also said that I sounded "out there" because I wanted to fix my marriage and she didn't.

??? Have you told him what your WW and OM have been doing?? Have they talked to OM's wife??

I did tell them. He's under investigation (OM). He's not allowed back on the base. I explained everything. They said they support me, but it's creepy because I can't take a hint.

It's not surprising - many people cannot understand why someone would want to remain M'd to a lying, cheating and deceitful spouse. I'll bet that they do understand why you don't trust her and you're not willing to give her any passwords, etc.. And that she continues to lie about the A is only going to make matters worse for her.

Hang in there GJM. While the chances are likely slim, hopefully your WW will eventually realize how much damage her choices are doing.

If it comes up again, tell them you're following the advice and program of a professional who specializes in saving marriages from infidelity.

They should be able to respect that.