That could take months or years. I think it's over for sure though. I just feel it.

GJM,

I am new around here and the posters here know way more than me, but one thing I see in these threads time and time again is that it ain't over until it's over, and ultimately you decide that, not WW. As ManInMotion said, hang in there, and keep working the MB plan. There is really no other path when you think about it, right? You are doing the best thing you can to save the M, your kids and yourself in the longrun. I think you are doing great.

Thanks Blackhawk....I'll hang on as long as possible.

I'm not new here and Blackhawk is totally right.

Things to do:
stick to the plan
don't let other people define you
don't shoot yourself in the foot and get into proclamations and needing to know how things will turn out in the end.

There is no 'over'. You are WW's H. You are. Now and forever more the man who she was lucky enough to find and marry. Whether she figures it out soon, later, never. That is the truth.

You are in the midst of the exposure storm that you were pushed by us to do, because, we know its better than any alternative (aka not exposing the truth).

Things will settle down eventually and your WW is still trying to gaslight people. She can't gaslight you very well right now so she is taking the show on the road. YK?

Being betrayed is simply NO FUN! None.

As always, thanks reading....She sure has taken gaslighting on the road. This forum is the only place where people don't think I'm foolish for trying to save my marriage. Others are saying take a hint already or why do you put yourself through this....I'm hurting enough as it is. I don't need others to chime in because they think they know best (outside this forum). This is my new sanctuary.

People do quiet down eventually. Because they see how much strength you get from the MB approach and how your mood improves .

I have been getting it on both sides. There's the 'why dont you decide to hate him forever' camp and the 'why arent you talking to your h (Im in Plan B) to see if you can make your marriage work?'

To the 'hate him' camp, I say 'Anger wont get me anywhere, i need to think of myself. If he makes radical 180 changes and becomes the person he was again, then i may consider him my h again. If he is still in my best interests. If not hes out on his ear.'

To the 'sit down and make it work' camp I say - 'I love him and would love to meet with him. But he has to agree to write an NC letter first. I dont think a wife is being unreasonable in insisting the mistress is kicked to the curb.'

GJM, you may feel like it is over today, and tomorrow, you may feel better about what is going on. That is the crazy rollercoaster ride you are on right now. What is most important is that you stick to the plans no matter what your emotions are telling you ATM.

We all know that your WW is having an affair. What she is currently trying to do is make YOU the villain and save OM's butt. Just stick to YOUR plan and don't worry about what she is doing.

ITA with HTLDs, you need to tell command next time that you are following the advice of a professional who has saved thousands of marriages.

People IRL don't understand what you are doing because MB isn't instinctual. It will become so, after you have been here for a while, and you will actually forget that it isn't that way for people away from this forum.

There are marriages that have been worse off than yours is now, and have recovered. Don't give up the good fight yet. It is well worth it. Just stick to the plans, to a T, and either way, you'll come out of this better in the end.

Thanks Indiegirl and Scotland-
Every word of encouragement helps. I was talking to my family last night and they had me in tears. Today is a new day. I feel better and hope things improve at least a little bit.

I seem to only have "why don't you hate her" camps. The good thing is, all of her accusations are hearsay and if I have to go to court, I have people in my command that will testify if necessary. As well as people I've coached with. I have to meet with her today to discuss finances. I wasn't sure if I should let her know that I was talked to about her email or if I should just stay professional. My kids were still asleep when I went to pick them up this morning and she said she knows I'm documenting everything and that she set the alarm. I think I'm transitioning to Plan B. I may Plan A the meeting though. Not sure. There's no doubt I love her, but not this WW that I see now.

What does she mean 'she set the alarm'? That she did her mommy duty by 'setting the alarm'? Your kids are not old enough to get up and get ready for school on their own...how early do you get there?

I usually get there about 6:30 and we leave at 6:40-6:45. I started getting there at that time because this isn't the first time I've had to wake them up. And yes, she thinks she did her mommy duty by setting the alarm, but when I looked at it, it was in the off position.

Good grief. Yeah she is a good one. She really expects kids that age to get up, get dressed, brush teeth, comb hair and eat breakfast ALL by themselves? I was MAYBE doing that at 13, but not totally alone...my mom made sure I heard the alarm and of course was up with me. Yes, I hope you are noting all of this.

I don't get this. You mean your WW sets her alarm, tells the kids to get up, and then goes back to sleep? Isn't this a one-bedroom apartment? Doesn't she know that they're not up?

I appreciate that it is important to teach children to be responsible about getting ready for school, but it almost seems like she would have to know when they're not up and would get them moving. Geez, I've always gotten up with mine, fed them breakfast and talked about the coming day. I can't imagine just sleeping through all that and letting them head out the door with no parental input at all. That's just me, and I apologize for the t/j. But I'm still puzzled by how the 'getting ready for school' wheels can come off the wagon in a one-bedroom apartment.

WW leaves her apt at 4:30AM and they are alone for 2 hours. It scares me and I am greatly concerned. I make sure they brushed their teeth before we leave. They eat their meals on the couch. She has no table. I was very angry when the OM was in their apt and told her that she was sick for bringing him to a place where my kids sleep and sit. She said nothing was going on. That's a lot of trouble for the guy if nothing is going on after repeatedly asking him to leave her alone. If a man asked me not to talk to his wife, I would respect that and think he had security issues, but I would respect it. Why would I want that trouble? Which brings me to the point that if nothing was happening, why would they still have contact. They are so in the fog that they think everyone else are the dumb ones.

Oh so she isn't even home!!!!! Oh wow. Is she leaving for work or the gym?

I think those aged kids are too young for this arrangement! Is the apartment in a safe area? Wow. What does your attorney say about this?

Oh - gotcha. Sheesh, I was starting to wonder.

This all makes me so sad for your kids.

The attorney says that although it's not recommended, it wouldn't be enough to take the kids away from her. She works at the gym so she has to be there to open at 5. The apt is in a safe area and I check the sex offender web site to make sure there were none living there. There's a fire station right across the street as well. I hate that you have to go through great lengths to prove someone unfit. She's not unfit in the courts eyes. She's just not making great decisions for herself. She cooks and cleans, but doesn't spend much time with them.

Those ages are not too young to be alone for a couple hours (with the 13year old there...she is old enough to 'sit')
and some times people forget to actually set alarms
and
Dad was swooping by to take them to school.

So. Just say she needs to set a couple alarms then for the kids so they are good to go in the mornings they are with her(plan A) and don't fret about OM having been there when the kids weren't.
It is expected. They are having a hot affair. Get it?
You are going to prioritize things to get peeved about and ride this experience with pinache. Okay?
Pick your battles. Neither of these things are battles.

Have the kids be proud of their flexibility too (living in two places). They are the unsung heroes of fractured families.

You are right. It still makes me sick she is doing this to her kids, but kids go through a lot worse with no ill effects.

Well said reading. I agree with what you said, but it is sickening. I have about an hour before I have to meet with WW. I have to get my game face on and see where her head is at so I can meet with my attorney to get my final draft typed up of the agreement.