d8n0g, you are getting some of the best advice from some of the best and most experienced people on this board. Do yourself a favor and get out of your own way!

Here's the truth in a few short, sentences:

Your wife is having an affair. Everything she says to you is a lie or a rewrite of history. You cannot believe anything she says, her OM says, his dog says, his four-wheeler says, or Facebook says.

It's time to become a vampire slayer. The affair is the vampire, and it has your wife. She will remain one of the undead unless and until you drive a stake into the heart of the affair.

These folks, and the MB plans to recover your marriage are the best weapons at your disposal. MelodyLane and maritalbliss are the experienced vampire hunters. Listen to them. Do not argue. Do not second-guess. Do not hesitate. Your life and marriage depend on you becoming willing to learn and act quickly and decisively.

To switch metaphors a bit, make the The Thing of the Fantastic Four:

i'll get it done, and report. I appreciate it! Also, the spyware how do I go about doing that?

Go look on the Operation Investigate forum. How does she communicate with the OM? What kind of phone does she use?

Also, do you have his home address and home phone?

And DO NOT say anything to your wife about her "relationship" for now, ok?

ok. She uses an htc hero, I use and htc evo 4g, and I do not know his number or address

Is that an android? A blackberry?

And I need you to find him. Get his home address and home phone #. Does he have a facebook page?

android-yes to FB

I have to go for now-have to put my child to bed while my wife is at ladies night

Put your little guy (gal?) to bed and then start reading the articles in the yellow box on the right of your screen. Start with the first one and work your way down. We'll be advising you to do various things to kill this A, and we want you to be familiar with the concepts and terms as much as you can be.

Have you verified this?

sure she told me-she's very open, but hasnt told anyone of this man besides me

I may be jumping the gun but how do I mass message her friends as well? COpy and paste kind of thing?

Awesome! Can you swing $65 to download eblaster on her phone? It will send you her texts, call logs and it has a GPS. It takes about 10 minutes to install on her phone.

How else does she talk to him? And I bet she is out with him tonight. I would start planning on tailing her the next time she goes out if you can get that spyware on her phone.

What about her computer? Does she ever use your landline?

If the OM has a Facebook page, go copy and paste all his contacts into a word doc for safekeeping. Try and ID his wife, parents, IN-LAWS, sibs and married friends. Try and find his wife. Keep it hidden for now.

d8n0g,

There's no way to put this nicely, so here goes. Your wife is having an affair, probably been going on for quite a while. She ISN'T going out to "ladies night", she's going out to meet POSOM. She isn't very open, she's been lying to you successfully for quite a while and is getting really good at it. She tells you she wants a divorce but doesn't want to file the papers; she's gaslighting you, why leave when she can carry on with POSOM and have you support her financially? And the threat of divorce has a second effect, it often paralyzes a BH into inaction because they FEAR what may happen.

You can't play into that fear, you must act and act quickly and resolutely. The first step is to expose the affair to everyone, especially the OM's wife, and enlist their help in killing the affair. the second is to read the materials on this site and follow the advice of people like MelodyLane who will take you step by step in ending the affair. Thirdly, stop paying for your wife to go to whatever bullcrap therapy she's been doing - I'll bet you dollars to donuts it was the therapist imploring your wife to find herself because she deserves to be happy that started this crap to begin with. Spend the money on the Harleys if you feel the need to have therapy.

The biggest thing is to stop believing the &@#$ your wife is telling you, waywards lie about EVERYTHING, time to snoop and get the facts, and expose the affair. Not time to wring your hands and feel intimidated or sorry for yourself. You can save this marriage if you really want to.

ok. well, I found his home address on google directions in her drawer-I was innocently enough looking for a sewing kit:) BTW she was gone from 530am yesterday until 430am this morning.

Can you get the spyware on her phone? Also, when she goes out next, you need to tail her. She was out all night with the OM.

Did you find out who his wife is? Can you get some contact information?

I know it is pricey, but if you can afford a PI, he could get everything you need very quickly.

I just contacted his wife-who still hasn't changed her last name on facebook. Why would my wife admit to sleeping with this guy but blow up and will not admit to it being an affair?

Ok, if you have started exposure, then you need to do it right or it is going to blow up in your face. Exposure has to be done WIDE SPREAD - within 24 hours - in order to be effective. Exposing to one person is like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight, you just get your [censored] shot off.

In order for exposure to be effective it has to be done within a 24 hour block so unless you want to neutralize the most potent tool you have, you had better expose this affair wide and far TODAY.

And expect your wife to go ballistic and threaten to divorce you. "I was going to try now I am not!" "You have ruined any chance!" blah, blah, blah. You can't let that bother you!! It is just like taking the crack pipe away from the crack head. They are furious but it blows over. Got that?

Ok, you need to start exposing NOW to every one else. Send facebook exposure letters to the OM's facebook contacts, call her parents, call your parents. TELL EVERYONE.

RIGHT NOW go and read the link in my signature about what to say to whom and then come back here with your plan. You have to do this today and tomorrow.

please tell me how to send mass messages like that even if they aren't my friends