It is probably blowing her mind especially coupled with your latest exposure to OM's job/military and his BW. I think you put a real dent in their affair fantasy. It is probably helping her defog and be able to see her BH for the man he is and is capable of being.

They are pesky blighters. I dont know if WWs are like WHs in Plan A, but I would look for the 'guilt pull'. The guilt pull is when you do something nice, expression of guilt pulls down on their face, then they pull away.

The guilt pull means you are hitting the right nerve. Plus guilt is your friend. Its the person inside trying to get out of the wayward.

I have a feeling WWs are a bit... angrier though. I am not sure why. Just a feeling.

Just remember, NO EXPECTATIONS. If she reacts in one way, who cares? If she reacts in another? Who cares? Get it?

No expectations....got it.

Indiegirl,
I think you are right. She did have a moment where she was in tears on Monday and she said she missed me and the kids. I think the moment is gone though.

Yeah Scotty is right. Plan A is usuallly 'remembered' - it isnt appreciated at the time - the goal is to give her something to miss in Plan B.

I found credit card purchases on Dec 1 and Dec 5 so I asked WW about them. Of course she lied and said she bought something else other than what she actually bought, which was a go phone and prepaid minutes. I called the store and they confirmed what I thought. I told her that she might as well get her own line so it's not as expensive, but she said she didn't purchase the items. I haven't told her I called the store yet.

I think I'm going to throw in the towel. I deserve better than this and just want to heal and move on. She claims the kids are the most important thing, but she's trying to have a man in her life and spend time with the kids. It's obvious she's not putting them first. My DS8 told her she was the worst mother in the world last night. I need to plan my future without her in it. I'm taking her to breakfast this morning and I'm going to let her know that I found out what she purchased. I don't hurt much anymore so my thinking isn't emotional.

Before I make a final decision as to whether or not I want to keep fighting for my marriage, I will think a little more. I appreciate everyone's advice and input, but I think this wasn't meant to be. I keep finding out the truth and seeing through the lies. It's like I'm being told to not be with her because of everything I keep finding.

You're going to quit without trying Plan B like you've been advised? I think you really should give it a shot.

At this point of the A, you should expect nothing BUT lies. I know this is very upsetting, but please don't expect the truth while your W is still wayward. There's almost no point in asking her anything. Of course, she's going to lie about her affair phone. They will do this even though you can easily find out the truth. It's all very illogical.

MB does not promote the notion of marriage-at-all-costs; nevertheless, why not consider sticking with the plan for now? You can always go into Plan B, then Plan D, and know that you did all you could to save your marriage. You've done so much already to help kill the A; can you find the energy to keep on with this war a bit longer?

The thing is--if your wife does return and agrees to your recovery plan, she will no longer be wayward. A wayward is like an alien; they simply don't think logically. But once a wayward wants to return and agrees to change, s/he can become a very good spouse again, better even than before.

I'm still thinking about Plan B. I am wondering if I should do it before Christmas. The kids really want to have it over my place. If not, I won't be able to see them all day and it's her turn to have them during that time.

I'd do a Plan B like LongWayFromHome said.

Get an IM in place and write the letter. If you get everything organized and can do it before Christmas, then that would be ideal.

Ask the kids where they want to be at Christmas and tell your WW that they've made their decision and that's what it is going to be. Sure, she'll raise holy hell but if you have no court-ordered visitation in place here, then what's she really going to do?

Don't bother trying to reason with her. How is the phone/minutes being paid for? If it's a joint account, separate them and tell her that you're not going to pay for her to cheat on you and your family. Remember to always mention the kids whenever possible--she's not just leaving you, she's leaving ALL of you.

Also, report to all of her family/friends that she's using a secret phone to commit adultery and, again, ask them to step in and get involved.

Yes. I agree.

Also this phone was purchased AFTER OM was caught at her apt. So you need to give this info to OM's BW. Today.

He can't SW. He has a military stand-down order to not contact OMW.

The phone was paid for with her credit card. My WW wife wrote to my command and told them to get me to stop contacting her family. My hands are tied with that one. Military orders are different than civilian so I don't want to jeopardize my career in the process.

Oh, that is right. I forgot about that. Sorry.

You should most certainly enter Plan B then, asap. In your favor is the fact that SHE left the marital home already and does not have adequate housing for the children full-time.

Who can you use for an IM?

Separate your finances as much as you are allowed.

She has expressed missing being home with you and the children; use that to your advantage by NOT rewarding her with more of that while she carries on her affair, but by DEPRIVING her of that while she is wayward. Take away the cake! It is time! You have lost all the civilian ways (family, OMW) of getting through, the military can't force you to speak to your wife who has moved out, can they?

I don't believe they can make me talk to her. I don't know who I can use as an IM. This is going to take some careful planning. I definitely need my ducks in a row. She's on her way here now. I'll be back later so I can read more on Plan B.

Be very nice! Be the man! Tell her you need to think about it if she asks for any concrete plans. Don't cave if she throws you a tiny morsel of hope. You need her to step up and meet conditions, and she will NOT so long as you let her eat cake, but yes, wait until your ducks are rowed up before you let her know that.

As some of the nice people around here will tell you, Christmas is a kick-@$$ time to Plan B, the wayturds do not like being excluded this time of year.

The only thing she will be excluded from is me. She will have the kids at least half day.

Well, how did your day go?