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[
For the third (and last) time ... WW should pay for the poly herself.
She can pawn some of her jewelry. She can pay for it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes Pepper, I can see your point. No pawn shops in PA, not legal here. It is something to entertain. She can sell things on ebay. Or get a part time job. Does she work for a living now? What does she do?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes Pepper, I can see your point. No pawn shops in PA, not legal here. It is something to entertain. She can sell things on ebay. Or get a part time job. Does she work for a living now? What does she do? Put stuff (her stuff) for sale on Craigslist.
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Yes Pepper, I can see your point. No pawn shops in PA, not legal here. It is something to entertain. .... 9 pages of pawn shops in PA.
Last edited by Pepperband; 12/07/11 02:43 PM.
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Melody and Susie,
I am taking this advise and with past advice will think on it. I am wholeheartedly going to work on MB and your advice here, however, there will be some things I will not agree with and will hold firm on, this is one of them. You can take whatever advice you want, but I suggest that when you consider advice, you look at the track record it has. Dr. Harley has been working as a marriage psychologist for forty years, specialized in infidelity, helped thousands of people save their marriages. Worked with lots of cases just like yours. When you decide to stand firm against a piece of his program, you do so at your own peril, you know? It's like being given a bread recipe and deciding to leave out the yeast or the sugar. You may not like the taste when you're done, and you risk getting a disaster that you can't possibly eat. The bread recipe might say you can use one of three different types of flour, but that doesn't mean that you can go tinkering with all the other ingredients and get something that works. You might think that tampering with the recipe reduces your odds of success by only 1%, or even increases your odds. But in reality the change you make might diminish your odds by 99%. How would you know? You wouldn't; you've only got the one situation here, and Dr. Harley has experience with thousands. At the very least, before you modify the program, please give Dr. Harley himself a call and give him a chance to explain to you his reasons for his suggestions, so you can make an informed decision about whether you are going to ignore those suggestions -- AGAIN -- or not.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes Pepper, I can see your point. No pawn shops in PA, not legal here. It is something to entertain. Please don't do this honesty is key to recovery.
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She works, 3rd shift. She is working a lot of OT to help get the finances back to where they should be. We have had a lot of extra expenses in the past 4 months (house). We are at the tail end of that and expect the financial situation to improve over the next couple months. End of year bonuses will give us what we need to get the poly and will schedule it then.
We are on a tight rope in our marriage as well as financially right now. I don't want another DDay, but have to be responsible in keeping the bank account in the +.
As for selling things, I will think about it. Her posessions are mearly a result of our money, to lose them and have to replace them will be no better than me selling my posessions.
Me BH previous user name SEM
WW Senninpaswife previous user name Keep Smiling
Married 16 years - HS sweethearts
2 kids, Boy 15 years, Girl 13 years
WW's Affair #1,2,3,4 @ 1 year into marriage All ONS type PAs
DDay #1 09/11/01 False recovery for 10 years
WW's Affair #5 07/11 - 10/11 with my best friend EA&PA
DDay #2 11/27/11
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Yes Pepper, I can see your point. No pawn shops in PA, not legal here. It is something to entertain. Please don't do this honesty is key to recovery. I am flummoxed. Why can a woman in California easily locate PA pawn shops if they are illegal?????
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Pepper,
No sh$!, I wasn't lying, I honestly have never seen one, and have always been told they weren't legal here. Never needed to look for one either
Me BH previous user name SEM
WW Senninpaswife previous user name Keep Smiling
Married 16 years - HS sweethearts
2 kids, Boy 15 years, Girl 13 years
WW's Affair #1,2,3,4 @ 1 year into marriage All ONS type PAs
DDay #1 09/11/01 False recovery for 10 years
WW's Affair #5 07/11 - 10/11 with my best friend EA&PA
DDay #2 11/27/11
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As for selling things, I will think about it. Her posessions are mearly a result of our money, to lose them and have to replace them will be no better than me selling my posessions. She could replace some of her possessions with a polygraph test. Does she have any jewelry? Expensive handbags or shoes? Making amends is much more important than any of that stuff.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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to lose them and have to replace them No replacements if she fails the poly. Replace the stuff (jewelry) a year from now if she's doing what she is supposed to be doing.
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Lying is part of their marriage. Please keep reading and learning Senn.
Last edited by itistoughlove; 12/07/11 02:58 PM.
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Please don't do this honesty is key to recovery. [/quote]
What do you mean?
Me BH previous user name SEM
WW Senninpaswife previous user name Keep Smiling
Married 16 years - HS sweethearts
2 kids, Boy 15 years, Girl 13 years
WW's Affair #1,2,3,4 @ 1 year into marriage All ONS type PAs
DDay #1 09/11/01 False recovery for 10 years
WW's Affair #5 07/11 - 10/11 with my best friend EA&PA
DDay #2 11/27/11
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Dr. Harley has a book called Lovebusters it teaches a person that radical honesty is essential to live a great life. That means vetting all knowledge in your brain with truth. Otherwise you are prone to make excuses and or lie to cover your tracks.
Last edited by itistoughlove; 12/07/11 03:02 PM.
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She has guns, and a motorcycle, very little jewlery. Kitcheng gadgets. She is low maintenance on the needing things.
Me BH previous user name SEM
WW Senninpaswife previous user name Keep Smiling
Married 16 years - HS sweethearts
2 kids, Boy 15 years, Girl 13 years
WW's Affair #1,2,3,4 @ 1 year into marriage All ONS type PAs
DDay #1 09/11/01 False recovery for 10 years
WW's Affair #5 07/11 - 10/11 with my best friend EA&PA
DDay #2 11/27/11
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She has guns, and a motorcycle, very little jewlery. There you go!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She has guns, and a motorcycle. Sounds good to me. She earned the poly, she pays for it. Toys can be replaced. Later ...... When you can afford it.
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Tough love,
Yes I belive, trying to remember the name of the book, but I believe that is one of the many we have read. I am trying to understand your point in your statement. You don't believe in the Poly?
Me BH previous user name SEM
WW Senninpaswife previous user name Keep Smiling
Married 16 years - HS sweethearts
2 kids, Boy 15 years, Girl 13 years
WW's Affair #1,2,3,4 @ 1 year into marriage All ONS type PAs
DDay #1 09/11/01 False recovery for 10 years
WW's Affair #5 07/11 - 10/11 with my best friend EA&PA
DDay #2 11/27/11
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itstoughlove, what are you talking about? What is your point?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Susie,
Her mother was told last time, she didn't help our marriage with the advice she gave her daughter. Her mother wont hold her accountable. She is more likely to tell her it is her life to do what she wants, and "if H doesn't like it he can leave". That is what we would likely hear if we expose this to WW's mother. No need, My mother is a much bigger influence on my W. I am very confused because your WW posted this in 2004. I am the WS
Husband is BS
M for 8yrs
2 children
4 A's
Recovery 3yrs
Hang in there. And if your still debating on telling family, here is my situation.
I never told my parents but My H told his seperated/ remarried parents by accident and to this day I still feel akward around them, wondering if they think less of me.
God bless you both, you are in my prayers. Her mother's advice didn't influence her in 2001 because the mother didn't know at that time.
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