The only thing!!!!

Tsk tsk GJM. I thought more of your confidence than that, given the rock star way you have handled this fearlessly.

I would be willing to bet you meet a lot of her needs. That OM meets a maximum of two and she likes the 'top up' effect on her love bank balance - and gives him all the credit for her happiness and for the balance which is mostly created by you.

Without you there is no 'top up' effect - just him meeting a miserable one or two needs and no one else to do what you did for her. Cue unhappiness with OM.

Are you certain about going into Plan B though? Men are advised to Plan A a lot longer than women - how long has it been?

Male Plan Bs are not my area of expertise though. Plus if you really feel you are at the end of your tether you should go for it to protect your health. Might be worth a call to Dr H on the radio though. I know of one man on here who was considering B and the good doctor told him to stick with A a bit longer.



Plan A is just expressing a willingness to meet her needs. So you can Plan A without contacting her if that makes sense. All you need to do is 'be there if she needs you' so she can contact you when she misses you. All waywards like to cake eat, so it is a foregone conclusion that she will get in touch from time to time, providing opportunities for Plan Aing.

The day went well. We went to breakfast and talked a little, but nothing about the marriage. We laughed some and did a little shopping. She said it was nice. I had to put on the charm. Hopefully she's seeing the guy she fell in love with.

[/quote] The only thing!!!!

Tsk tsk GJM. I thought more of your confidence than that, given the rock star way you have handled this fearlessly.

I would be willing to bet you meet a lot of her needs. That OM meets a maximum of two and she likes the 'top up' effect on her love bank balance - and gives him all the credit for her happiness and for the balance which is mostly created by you.

Without you there is no 'top up' effect - just him meeting a miserable one or two needs and no one else to do what you did for her. Cue unhappiness with OM.

Are you certain about going into Plan B though? Men are advised to Plan A a lot longer than women - how long has it been?

Male Plan Bs are not my area of expertise though. Plus if you really feel you are at the end of your tether you should go for it to protect your health. Might be worth a call to Dr H on the radio though. I know of one man on here who was considering B and the good doctor told him to stick with A a bit longer.


Plan A is just expressing a willingness to meet her needs. So you can Plan A without contacting her if that makes sense. All you need to do is 'be there if she needs you' so she can contact you when she misses you. All waywards like to cake eat, so it is a foregone conclusion that she will get in touch from time to time, providing opportunities for Plan Aing. [/quote]

I'm not certain about staying in Plan A. I dont like her cake eating. I called her out on the prepaid phone. She said its her business and not mine, but there isn't anyone else. She said all she worries about is the kids and there is no one else. She claims to be reading books on how to be emotionally independent and spends her time sleeping or reading. I don't buy it and I don't want to LB so I just stopped talking about it. DS11 is looking for the prepaid. He's searched her purse and car.

It's funny, WW, how your cheating on me and breaking up the kids' home is none of our business


So, WW, then why are you trying to break up their family and leave them?

Calmly telling your WW that you don't find her behavior appropriate is hardly a LB, but I get where you're trying not to get into a massive argument.

You would continue to call her out in a Plan A where she contacts you. I.e. you would look good, smell good, make her welcome and be admiring and affectionate - but tell her that she needs to end her affair and commit to recovery if she wants to keep seeing you. Be very clear that you will meet her needs FOR NOW but that this is a free trial only - ether she signs up or you are gone.

I think you're right to call it and then drop it as in the affair phone business. You dont have to nag when you have firm boundaries. Just tell her what they are. And you know that you are headed for Plan B, so there is no need to hit her over the head with your demand - Plan B will do that.

I can understand why you are in a hurry for Plan B though. Plan A is a killer. I dont know how you men do it.

Try calling the radio show any way. I think women are a more difficult prospect than men and you should get all the help you can.

New developments:

DS11 snatched her prepaid and gave it to me. I read the sent and received messages. I called my command and handed over the phone. WW called me over 20 times. I said I was getting gas in a text. Then I talked with my superiors and she called me again. I answered after they left and she was crying and asking me where I was. I said getting gas. She had driven to my place in a panic. I told her I'd be over there in a little while. Hopefully she lost the number to the OM. So now I wait til Monday to see what happens.

I went over to WWs for dinner and she started questioning me like crazy. Then she said that "somebody" told her I was seen with another woman at the gym. It was almost laughable. She said that I always answer her calls and how come I didn't answer this time. Then she asked me what me and DS11 were talking about before she left. After all of the questioning was done, she said she was sorry and that it was none of her business. She then said she was sorry for everything. I will admit I was a little confused, but kept in James Bond mode. She was being overly nice to me. I finally had to leave because I didn't trust what was happening. She went as far as to say that she was missing $15 and did I find it. I said no, but you're more than welcome to check my truck and house.

She asked me if I went through her purse and I said I was with her the whole time. She said she knew that, but she was just asking. The day started out good, but turned weird at the end. All I can say is wow....

Waywards are whacky.

LOL

Now she's calling me.....she asked me if I was mad at her. I'm blown away right now. She isn't even talking on the phone. I asked her if she called to listen to me breathe and she said I guess.

That's what I mean, though. They don't like being excluded from YOU for Christmas. Should've been less vague, I apologize.

You are doing SO well. Actions like these show your wife you care and will not take a back seat, meanwhile your making the A impossible to continue.

I dont think Ive ever seen a better plan A. Wish I was in the military.

I think your DS11 is brave for snatching the phone. Where you able to get a moment in with him that can teach him about this situation?

Son-you taking that phone was like taking the thief's gun away. I know I teach you never to steal, and honesty is the most important thing ever.

I just don't want him confused. Technically it is stealing, but at the same time he stole a weapon that harms his family away from the bad guy.

My heart hurts for your son. I cannot imagine what he must be going through. God bless his little soul.

ETA: I only say this because I remember being twelve. I had to take the keys away from my grandmother because she wanted to drive me home while she was drunk. It was about 0100 and my instincts kicked in.

I felt awful about it because my grandmother was so upset. She was crying, and I thought it was all my fault she was getting in trouble by everyone. My aunt and uncle had to come pick me up, and they were very angry with her.

Many adults came up to me afterwards and told me how proud they were of me.

I can still remember that moment in my life today. I am sure your son will remember when he stole his mom's affair phone.

You have a good son on your hands. One that is growing into a man, and is getting the taste of an adult world.

Does your WW know that your son took her A-phone? Does she know that you got your hands on it and what you did with it? If not, it seems to me that she's fishing - trying to find out if you know anything about it, without giving away the fact that she actually had one.

Of course, you have probably already addressed things in the moments using your own judgement but


I wouldn't give proclamations to the 11 year old about it being good or bad to have taken it to give you.
He made the choice based on his situation as a little boy in a fractured family and knows deep in his soul the pros and cons of having done it.
Just saying "That was a tough situation to be in. Its hard to be in it. I am sorry you are dealing with this stuff and I love you." is sufficient.

I wouldn't mention the phone to the WW.

When did she call/text him last?

Agreed, but nothing really whacky about the WW's actions here. It's clear she suspects that her BH has gotten his hands on her A-phone, but she's not sure, so she doesn't want to ask him about it outright because that would be tantamount to admitting that she actually had one in the first place. Also as she suspects her BH has the A-phone, she's also very concerned about what he might do with it.

Note that she'll likely find out the truth when she next has alone-time with DS11. What she does to DS11 at that point is anyone's guess.

Really? Thanks so much!

No she has no idea where it is.

Last night around between 5 and 6

Was hoping you would say it was a week or so ago.

Any hint as to the status of the affair?

EDIT: If/when she gets another phone, and if you ever get it again, try to forward the texts to OM's wife from that phone. Technically, you wouldn't be contacting her.