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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Sorry for butting in, but I am confused! I thought radical honesty is used WHEN there is an affair! What do you use then when there is an affair?
Also "And secondly, we are not here to share personal opinions, but to help newcomers understand and use Marriage Builders. "
I am also kind of lost on this too. How do you help newcomers to understand without sharing personal opinion?
This is not my thread, I apologize for jumping in, but please help me to understand.
MD minjo, go to your own thread to ask these questions and we'll be happy to answer them.
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Sorry for butting in, but I am confused! I thought radical honesty is used WHEN there is an affair! What do you use then when there is an affair?
Also "And secondly, we are not here to share personal opinions, but to help newcomers understand and use Marriage Builders. "
I am also kind of lost on this too. How do you help newcomers to understand without sharing personal opinion?
This is not my thread, I apologize for jumping in, but please help me to understand.
MD Forum guidelines <~~~ Click & read.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Sorry for butting in, but I am confused! I thought radical honesty is used WHEN there is an affair! What do you use then when there is an affair? You don't use radical honesty and the policy of joint agreement with a wayward! Can you imagine trying to use the POJA to expose an affair? Or radical honesty about the keyloggers you have on his computer and the recorder you have on his phone? Oh no. Those policies are for RECOVERY after your WS has repented and has established some trust. You don't use the POJA and PORH to remove your protection FROM HIM. You wait until he is safe. For now, wayward has to practice radical honesty WITH YOU until he has restored some trust. But there are areas that you are not radically honest about with him for now, and with some things FOREVER. For example, you should be spying on him like a bloodhound. But he should never know how you do it. Also "And secondly, we are not here to share personal opinions, but to help newcomers understand and use Marriage Builders. "
I am also kind of lost on this too. How do you help newcomers to understand without sharing personal opinion? Well, my best thinking screwed up my marriage so hearing my personal opinion about saving marriages is not going to get you too far. The only thing that saved my marriage was DR HARLEY'S opinion. We are here to discuss Dr Harley's opinions, not our own personal opinions.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 25
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Thank you, MB members. I will try to stick with learning and working on my marriage according to the MB concepts, and avoid trying to help other new members. I am obviously not at a point of helping others learn about and apply the MB ideas, as I am just starting to learn about them now since my marriage is a mess.  My apologies, as I did not intend to hurt anyone.
Last edited by ColorPink; 12/14/11 08:50 AM.
Me 42 H 44 Married 23 Years Son 15, Daughter 12
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Joined: Apr 2001
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CP, I know absolutely you meant well so please don't feel bad. I AGREE with your premise and so does Dr Harley. [you are right on!] The issue with posting material from other sites [or substituting personal opinions for MB advice] is that it quickly becomes a Tower of Babel and then no one gets help. Please continue to read up on Marriage Builders and help others. We can use your support! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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