We already KNOW she is a serial cheater. He doesn't need to get a DNA test to prove what he already knows. He has said this is not an issue with him and has asked us to drop it.

Hoping you are OK.

My point is not to get medical/genetic history but to get all the truth out of his WW. It would not surprise me that there are enough OM to fill a 9 passenger suburban.

This WW is only admitting to what her BH can prove.

The way the poly has started getting her to sing so will a paternity test.

Also notice how his WW is growing silent?

If his WW knows what I suspect is no so then she should be saying to her BH let's test away it will show I'm hiding nothing.

His WW is not saying it?

This WW is not doing anything to make DNA testing happen.

Why should we belivev her?

WHy should her BH believe her?

This WW has not brought enough to the table to get any passes.

I posted to correct a factual misconception as stated by NeverGuessed.
Understand?

Senn, how is it going? What did you decide to do?

Also, what hours does she work? Are you working opposite shifts

Hi all,
I took the weekend to clear my head and avoided reading anything here, as I said I am struggling right now and don't think it is helping. I have to gain my sanity and strength. I started His Needs Her Needs as WW is reading Surviving an Affair AGAIN, that helped a bit.

As for the continued debate over a DNA test on MY kids, Please, for the love of God, stop with that, I will never change my mind. I do not care, I will always assume and wholeheartedly believe they are my kids, and wouldn't want to risk the outcome of even the possibility they aren't. I want to continue being their father no matter who's DNA they have and will not question that, why would I want to. They look like me, same eyes, same hair, act like me and we love each other very much. I don't need a damned test to prove or disprove that. Thank you!

Thursday night had a near meltdown, I was up until 7 AM waiting for W to come home from work, to tell her I was leaving her. I was looking at phone records all night and became totally convinced WW had had a 4 month affair from Jan through May, as she was on a cell tower in a neighboring town around the time I got off every other day. I was completely convinced and was ready and planning on leaving her when she got home. As it turns out, the silly truth was she was taking my son to physical therapy every other day for a football injury & surgery he had had last year. I had a complete and utter breakdown when she reminded me of that. I cannot explain all the emotion I had, but, I can say I was a complete mess.

As for trust, I have found no evidence she is lying to me. I did every bit of research over the weekend that I am capable of. I have access to vacation records at work, and looked up OM's vacation days and compared them to phone records. I cannot find any holes in what she has told me. I have no reason to continue to doubt. I will verify with the poly.

Melody, We do work opposite shifts, I work days, she works nights.

May I suggest you hit "Notify" and write the mods a little note about how the unwanted DNA discussion is disruptive to your thread.
Take care.

You should continue to check, however. Total trust can be dangerous, especially to a couple attempting to recover from an affair.

SEM, I am glad you are back, I was starting to get worried.

Getting her shift changed will be an important element of your recovery. In order for recovery to take place, your lives have to become as integrated as possible, which means all of your leisure time needs to be together. Working opposite shifts leaves her wife open to pursue affairs. If you are working the same shifts, though, you will be able to spend all of your off time together. You can run errands together, go out together, everything. That will be one of the extraordinary precautions that should be put in place.

Rather than have her read the SAA *again* I would have her focus completely and totally on establishing extraordinary precautions. REading that book will be a distraction from taking some real steps towards affair proofing your marriage. She already knows what is in that book.

Better to work on affair proofing your marriage in a way that it will be impossible for her to lead the necessary second life to pursue affairs. And I believe this is the basic problem. She is happening into affairs, she is out chasing men whereever she goes.

I take it you have verified this story?

Senninpa, when is the polygraph scheduled? I've asked your WW a few times, but she's ignored my posts.

Melody, The same shift is our goal. I do agree on the Surviving an Affair, it is in review, but I feel it is still helpful.
She is working on your assignment, and mine as well. I told her to look up respect and how to respect herself and our marriage. She is looking up some books on improving her self confidence. She is reading and asking questions on your extraordinary precautions. I told her she needs to print off a couple of copies and tape one to her dresser, and read them every day for a month and then at minimum once a week after that. She promised she would.

I didn't have to confirm the PT in our neighboring town. When I was overcome with suspicion I totally lost any reason or thought on what else it could have been. It was a big surgery and many DR visits, and lots of PT in the town I was so sure was another A, before being reminded by WW. I could only imagine what she thought when I, ready to walk out the door, broke down in front of her when she reminded me of what it really was. Wow, the imagination gets the best of you when your in this state of mind.

Bliss,
NO schedule yet, waiting unit January, we will schedule ASAP in the first week of Jan. We have to maintain financial stability and I do not feel comfortable forking over that kind of $ until we get our year end bonuses. Our marriage is a big enough mess without destroying our finances to immediately fix things, it can wait as long as I can keep my sanity.

SEM, one of the best ways to improve her self respect is to act in ways that are respectable. Once she does that, she will have something to respect. Changing her behavior by implementing extraordinary precautions so that she CANNOT behave disrespectfully will make a huge difference. But she needs to FIRST change her behavior and then her feelings will follow. Feelings follow actions. Her self confidence will improve WHEN she behaves in ways that inspire confidence.

My concern is that she will get distracted reading books instead of focusing on changing her BEHAVIOR. I can tell that she spends alot of time chasing men and I wonder if she has come clean about that?

Check out my W's thread and read glove oil's wonderfully insightful comments to her (and others).

It's short, but i think pertinent..

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2551966&page=1

CV

Why wouldn't she volunteer to sell her gun and motorcycle instead? And let the poly happen sooner rather than later? This "readiness" of hers is half-a$$ed.

You are giving her way too much time to set her faily tales straight.

Senn, I'm not sure how to say this, but you need to take stock of how much you really know about saving marriages. It seems like you think learning how to respect oneself and the marriage is some core step here. What I can tell is that you are using your own thinking to put together a plan.

The problem is that you really just don't know that much, at this point, about what's going to be required. Some would say that for most of us on this site, our own thinking screwed up our marriages.

Dr. Harley really does know how to save marriages. He's done it for decades. He has a plan, and he says that recovery from infidelity is a very narrow path, and that missing parts of the plan will inevitably result in failure. This is what happened after the last time you were here. You guys picked and chose what parts of the plan you wanted to do, left stuff out, added or substituted stuff from your own thinking, and look where it got you.

apologies

Allaloneagain - the OP has requested that people STOP discussing the DNA issue. As a newcomer to this thread you may have missed that.

My apologies. I have deleted my comment.

Sell the damaged motorcycle as is. Your wife needs to step up to the plate NOW.