Originally Posted by Jim_Flint
Pepperband's excellent post to Rottenlady summed it up very well when she told her that she had gotten into the PICKLE she was in when she sought OUTSIDE VALIDATION from the OM...

insteading of behaving in a way SHE HERSELF could respect and admire.

Thanks for the outside validation Jim. rotflmao
j/k
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I love your thread title.

Quote
What helped you the MOST in recovery???

I find it challenging to decide on "the MOST" helpful element of my recovery.
I'm going to approach this from the perspective of my personal recovery, not the marriage recovery. I 'think' that is your intent.

Remember, my recovery happened without the benefit of any forums.
16 years ago !
So, my response should be read with that in mind.

Keeping a personal recovery journal was probably the most helpful thing I did for myself during recovery. That's where I checked myself, my perceptions, my ownership, my failings, my strengths. That's where I challenged God. That's where I fell on my knees before God. That's where I spewed venom. That's where I ranted. That's where I discovered humility. That's where I came upon insight. That's where I plotted my escape from the marriage.~~~> (My version of Plan B) That's where I revealed to myself how much love was left after adultery.
My roller coaster was documented in my journal.

Without my journal = 'funny farm'

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders