A little update, W had a near breakdown today. It All started over OM called me over a problem at work. We ended up talking for over an hour about the A and how he is doing in his marriage. The next thing you know I was on the phone with his W giving her advice on what she needs to do to save her marriage ( I know I'm not the most qualified to give that advice, but I know way more than she does about MB and affairs).

My WW was with me listening to my conversation and had a complete breakdown over not having anyone to talk to about her problem while I can talk to everyone. I don't know if she is more upset that I was talking to them/(OM) or that she can't.

A little update, W had a near breakdown today. It All started over OM called me over a problem at work. We ended up talking for over an hour about the A and how he is doing in his marriage. The next thing you know I was on the phone with his W giving her advice on what she needs to do to save her marriage ( I know I'm not the most qualified to give that advice, but I know way more than she does about MB and affairs).

What happened is your wife went back to D-Day when he called. She got another hit of the OM. And so do you every time you see and speak to him. I am really astonished he has the nerve to call your home. Is there a reason you are allowing this?

If your wife wants a friend, she has lots of them here. She won't get negative advice here.

I have to admit a little here, he nearly destroyed my marriage, but as sick as it sounds, I miss talking to him. He was always the person I would call when I had a problem

I can only equate it to loosing a close brother, as that is what he was to me.

You were "talking about the affair and how he is doing in his marriage"?

Total honesty, if she puts it in place and actually practices it is an EP as that will help in preventing an affair as she would know she has to tell me. I have in my heart held true to the total honesty from 10 years ago to this day, I tell her everything up to and including any contact or conversations I have with the opposite sex. I know she can do that herself if she puts her mind to it.. Not hurting me is also something she has to instill in herself.

You may not believe it, but the EP aren't a far cry from where we are today. The OM and his W were our best friends and I/we spent way to much time with him/them doing what W and I should have been doing. Which distracted US from our marriage. That part of our life is gone now leaving us with just US and our children. Not a lot of extended family left in this part of the country. We do have other friends (couples) who we don't do nearly as much with, and won't for a while as this is our time right now.

We agreed 10 years ago, and have maintained to this day:

No parties without both of us attending

No going to the bar or club without both of us present, (don't do that anyway- just a meat market for young singles)

As for now, she has agreed to the rest of the EPs and is practicing them. As for a plan, I don't understand what you mean. You are correct in it only takes an hour or so for us to work up a plan. That is done, how do you want me to describe the plan?

She will not go anywhere without first informing me. If she cannot she will inform me directly after, either by text or phone.

She will inform me of any delay returning home from work.

She will not talk to other men about anything unless it is on a professional level at work.

She will not talk to any men on the telephone with exception to the DR, Dentist or family, and the occasional none English speaking guy who finally answers after 2 hours of talking to a computer only to pay a bill- and even then will inform of such.

She has stopped teasing or joking with men at work as she does understand that that can be interpreted as flirting, and knows that flirting is unacceptable.

She will not make or receive phone calls from unrecognized phone #s without documenting it and informing me of who it was and what it was about.

She will not delete any incoming or outgoing phone calls or texts without me first seeing them.

She will not allow the children to use her cell phone, unless she advises me first or directly after, This is to prevent questions or doubts, as they always call #s that aren't in her contacts.

I'm sure I have forgotten something, I need to write the list out, but these have all been discussed and are based on the EP list.

Hi All,
Haven't been posting much lately, still trying to get a clear head and I felt that posting kept bringing me down. Feeling a lot better now.

In her defense on the timing of the NC letter, I (despite your advice) did not want the letter sent prior to OM leaving my work. I was concerned it could create issues between OM and I, and that could impact our working relationship. I also had several thousand dollars worth items at OM's house ( I know that shouldn't be important, but it was to me) and was concerned I would never get those items back if things turned more south than they already were. OM's last day at work was yesterday, and I retrieved my things from his house last night. So, now it is time for NC letter.

As for a plan, she nor I understand what you mean by that. I do understand your concern about her work. That is not something she can up and quit, nor is it something we can change directly, it will take time. I think that is something we need to decide on when we both know for sure our marriage is actually going to survive. It is also a financial issue as there aren't many good paying jobs in the area.

I try to do this always (looking from the outside in you may think I suck at chess). Sometimes unexpected things like an A happen

Indie,

I am not a terribly shallow person. I have worked hard for what I have achieved in my life. I have been at rock bottom, in a crap house, with crap cars. As many have read, the house I just acquired was and is my dream house. I feel above all else, financial stability, which doesn't mean being rich, is my # 1 goal in my life plan. I must continue to make decisions in the best interest in my life plan, as well as my marriage.

I would have a hard time believing she will end up in an A within then next 6 months, she is smart enough to know I will be watching her like a hawk in the meantime, and she knows that would secure a big D if she had another A in that time.

Melody,
I am hearing you, and the rest of you. This is my biggest reservation on continuing with this marriage. She obviously has no self control and is easily sucked in to any attractive guy that gives her the time of day. I know the job has to change, but I will not allow it until we find a suitable income for her to move into. I would have a hard time believing she will end up in an A within then next 6 months, she is smart enough to know I will be watching her like a hawk in the meantime, and she knows that would secure a big D if she had another A in that time.

I am not trying to keep the marriage together, I am trying to keep the finances together. SHE is trying to keep the marriage together, I am hoping she succeeds. She was ready to pack up this AM, "because everybody here thinks were going to fail" I told her to go. I don't think I need to beg her to stay! I explained if you leave because of people here, you wanted to leave anyway, and they are giving you your reason.

Well, I questioned the W and found out that my best friends W caught my W and her H playing footsie under the table when we were playing cards one night after I had gone to bed.