Is that true? Or perhaps I don't understand what you mean...

I can change the settings to my eblaster from anywhere. Each time I get an email update, there is an option on the side of the page to "change settings". I have never changed the email addy, but I should think that is one of the settings that can be changed. I have changed the frequency of the reports and other things, from my PC at work.

You can access an old email report from the keylogger and go to "change settings" from there - if it's like eblaster. If you've deleted all the old reports, find out about getting deleted emails back.

I checked the log files and there's no option for changing settings. I'll get my chance to get back on that computer. Maybe I don't want to know what she's doing. What am I going to get out of it now that everything is in the open and I can't do anything about it? It's not like she's going to repent and ask me to take her back.

Call your keylogger's support site. I'm sure that's not the first time that's happened. They may be able to guide you through a remote fix.

Do you have eblaster? There should be no instance where you have to go back to the subject computer to correct something like this. You just never know when you're going to need that access.

I was able to go over there and change the password. I'm pretty sly when I need to be. The program is called system surveillance pro.

The computer Sent me an email showing her statement from the investigation. WW has written that she was afraid of me and that the OM was the only one who could handle the situation. She states that I was controlling and never let her work or have friends. She also claims I am turning the kids against her and that nothing has happened between her and the OM. Wow...

Oh wow.

Well, if you don't already have a recording device on you at all times, get one.

I'm sure they'll see through this BS. I wouldn't worry too much, but do be careful.

She was just texting me that if I ever need anything to let her know. Then she writes this crap. I'm glad I save everything.

How do two people ever recover from the amount of damage being inflicted on a marriage? I spoke with the investigator today because he said the case didn't have enough hard evidence and asked me to share my texts between the OMW and I. He also informed me that the OM and the OMW said that I am harassing and stalking OMW and WW. I wasn't going to use that info, but had no choice because they were making me look like the crazy one. I understand the OMWs position because if he gets in trouble, it will affect her too. I was also able to find old texts that show WW admitting that she was with OM on at least one occasion.

If we ever do try to recover, there is going to be a lot of work. Trust will take forever to get back and I don't think WW will be willing to do what is necessary. She came by this morning and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. Then the investigator came by later to get my texts. I was thinking to myself, how is she able to drop by and show affection if she's so scared of me. This is too much.

Document this with the investigators. It's pretty normal behavior for a wayward who is 'afraid' of you. Make sure they're aware of this. I suspect they have seen it before.

I'm documenting this stuff, but I hate that I have to be on the defensive. It's crazy.

I know, GJM, and I'm sorry you have to do all of this. But you're doing a really good job even though it's hard - keep it up!

I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong. WW seems to think that I will do whatever it takes to get what I want and thinks if I can't have her, no one can. Like I'm this psycho person...I haven't felt like less of a human being more than I do now. She thinks I would rather kill her than let someone else be with her. I was in shock hearing that. I asked her how she could even think that when I've never even threatened her in my life. Is that wayward talk? Or does she really believe that I would hurt her? I know I shouldn't worry about it, but that's just scary. I have to leave her alone before I get trapped in something I can't get out of. 13 years of marriage and this is how it ends?

Well, waywards are paranoid when the truth comes out about the adultery they have tried to keep secret. The paranoia is based in fact. The betrayed spouse is on to them and their lies.

They lose perspective of the betrayed in their own warped world. You have interfered with her and OM freely seeing each other and communicating easily. She is grasping at straws of the situation to make sense of it as she also continues to try to keep her affair secret, or as secret as she can at this point.

Well, you DID make it difficult for her to continue her adultery unabated. How dare you? You meanie.

Stay calm and steady. Safeguard your finances and the children the best you can.

To feel less bad about her affair and leaving, her mind will make you the bad guy no matter what. How many people will say: I left my loving husband and potentially the children for a moron.

Unconciously, she will interpret everything you say in her warped way, BUT also unconciously, the good things you do are being saved on her brain hard disk for further reference. At one point in time, if you keep plan A-ing the 'good' evidence is so strong it will outweigh the fog. Then it will suddenly dawn on her, that she made a mistake.

After the fog lifts a bit, she has two options, go back to you, or to wormball and go even deeper in the fog. She is bound to have these moments of clarity and doubt, but I am sure she will not tell you.

Keep up the good work and document EVERYTHING you communicate to her (VAR) so she won't go to the police saying you threathened her. See, here is the importance of an IM again.

God bless you,

Happyheart

No one can long sustain a war against an enemy who is kind, considerate, and moral. Throughout history, cultures in conflict have described/defined the other side as baby-killing monsters, rapists of innocent women (girls, nuns, etc) to support their lethal intentions over the extended period of a war. It's not easy to maintain murderous rage against an entire nation whose conflict with your own is basically over whether a given province will speak your lingo or theirs. (Or which end of the soft-boiled egg to open - as in Swift's Gulliver's Travels.)

So waywards do what comes naturally - they demonize their BSs. She is reading directly from The Wayward's Travel Guide For Your Trip to Hades. Do not let it get to you - although it would posssibly be helpful to keep a record of these rantings, as they might be useful in your custody fight.

The real key is NOT to do anything to authenticate her charges. Whenever possible, have your witness with you during necessary meetings.

Nope!



FOGBABBLE

Im stealing this for the Art of War thread....

Yes, indeedy. If they don't have facts to back up their wayward claims, they'll just make them up. It's what they do. That's why it's critical that you carry a VAR with you at all times. I'd even consider a Nanny Cam in a few rooms, just so she can't manufacture a claim of abuse against you. We've seen waywards strike themselves so they could show the cops the bruises their BS gave them.

Your Plan A is confusing her. She expected ranting, and raving. She doesn't see it, so her paranoid brain figures that you must be up to something else in secret.

Also, make sure that you don't get into discussions with her. Drop your bombs, like "I will not tolerate a marriage where my spouse has a boyfriend, would you like some egg nog?" This way, you won't give her any more ammo against you.