This is exactly what I was thinking last night when I read what she was doing. My WXH went overboard with the porn, viewing it up to 6 hours straight on one Saturda....and that was after exposure and when he was living alone in an apt. because I'd gotten him out of our home.


Yes. Exactly.

Praying for her to become a better person, and find her way back to God is exactly what you should be doing for her. You have to turn her over to Him, because you can't help her. You can also pray for soldiers in the war against adultery to stand in her way.

Unfortunately, you are bound to see much more abhorrent behaviour from her before this is all said and done.

What I did was focus on what was in front of me, at the time. You don't need to think about if you will be willing to take her back if she does X Y Z, all you have to do is focus on the here and now. Right now, at this moment, it is best for you to Plan A, and part of that is preparing for Plan B. Follow the plans, and you'll cross those other bridges as you come to them.

There may come a point where wild horses couldn't drag you to reconcile with her, that's not today though, so deal with what you have.

Know that this is a true roller coaster ride. Also, as I have been told, Plan B is harder than Plan A, and recovery is harder still. But all of these plans are worth it. Have faith in the plans, and work them to the best of your abilities.

Now, be thinking what gift you can get her for Christmas.
Something sensual yet not slimy that will be keeping her guessing who YOU really are (in a good way, an enchanting way).

You sure it wasn't OM or your son online at the time?

I'm sure. She dropped off the kids an hour before it happened. Then I dropped by to pick up the phone charger. My son went inside and looked everywhere pretending to find his iPod.

Now, be thinking what gift you can get her for Christmas.

GJM, I reret not being able to provide whatever small support I might have this past week, but I believe I have the answer to your Christmas gift issue.

I would get her a top-of-the-line cell phone to replace the one you are so sorry she lost. Wrap it in cheery, holiday paper, and watch the joy on her face as she opens it. Demonstrate all the great features it has, which you had previously tested to make certain were working. You will be her hero! (NB: Conveniently forget to mention the spyware you surreptiously installed, recording and reporting to your e-mail account all her calls!)

I LOVE it.!

That's pretty clever and all, but thanks to her, I can't afford to buy her a new phone. Hers is pretty new anyway. And I don't want to discover anymore than I already have. It's too painful and I can't stop it. She doesn't care that we're married or any other moral things a decent person would care about. I didn't talk to her all day today. I took my boys grocery shopping and helped an elderly lady after she fell right in front of me. I did laundry and made dinner.

I take that back. I did send an invite to WW for dinner, but she declined and said she wasn't feeling well. Her stomach and head was hurting. It felt stress free today. Not seeing WW or talking to her much helped me get by. I think I'll put a picture DVD together or photo book for her Christmas present.

Rooting for ya man, I don't have anything else to offer you in the way of advice.

Thanks RMX...

I've been comparing my story to many of the stories on MB to see how much hope I have. It's not measurable as everyone is different, but I still try because every little bit of hope helps to push on. Unfortunately I haven't gotten as much hope as I thought might be there. When I exposed I thought things would get better (my chances increased compared to non exposure), but with all the legal stuff and WW possibly getting fired and now the lesbian porn, I feel like "wow, what am I doing? Why am I forcing myself into someone's life that doesn't want me there? There IS someone out there waiting for a guy like me!" Then reality strikes. I think about my kids, my love for the old W, the potential for a greater marriage, time invested and home built from the love we shared.

I also get angry at WWs loved ones for not stepping in and thinking of my kids. They think as long as she's happy, it's ok. Well it's not! Do something! You have the most influence and you sit there and watch. I know I'm preaching to the choir, but I get angry thinking about it.

If you do recover this marriage, your going to be taking stock on who stood with you for the marriage ..and who didn't.


I cut out all those who enabled my wife
I cut out all those who didnt want to take sides.

I keep in touch with all those who stood for our marriage.
I made sure my wife knew it was a condition to our recovery that the enablers had to go.

and I was lucky, that my in-laws were/are still awesome people.

They picked a side, they picked marriage over blood.

That's awesome! I wish my in laws had a backbone. I do think SIL has tried to encourage WW to work things out, but who knows what lies she's telling.

These aren't decisions you have to make tonight. When I say, 'be still.' I am telling you to gather the info you need to make decisions about your life. You said, 'what am I doing inserting myself into her life?' Um, she is your WIFE and you have EVERY right to know what she is thinking and doing. That helps you make decisions for your future.

Part of that decision making may end up being that you do not want to recover. But you need the info to make an informed decision.

You're right. Too bad she doesn't feel like I have any say so with regard to our marriage. She says she can do whatever she wants because we're not together. Waywards!

Also remember to get a cell phone that has real time gps but forget to tell her it has that feature as well.

I made a bone head mistake...on Friday, when I was receiving the emails from the keylogger, the emails stopped coming in. I thought WW might have gotten my email password so I changed it. I realized today that I had to enter that password in the settings that sends me the information from the computer. Now I have to gain access to the computer again to change the password so the settings sync up. My email won't let me go back to the password previously used. Hopefully I'll be able to get over there and fix it.

No, just change your e-mail password BACK to conform to the one installed on hers (via the keylogger).

I tried, but it says password already used, pick a new one.

If you can't get the keylogger back, assume she is up to things that are horrifying, contact with OM, purusing porn, selling her soul this way or that
and just consider it a blessing not to have the constant assault of knowledge and
keep with
the plan.

If you do get the keylogger back, okay.