And of course that 'someone else' that she wants to 'be with' already has a WIFE!!!!!!!

Yes, Fogbabble.

Thanks for keeping me straight. Even if I wanted to, I can't bring myself to be mean to her. I stick to Plan A even though it's draining most of the time. Hopefully my kindness will wear her down. It feels like so much time has gone by, but it's only been a short time.

WW wants to sleep over on Christmas Eve. I am a little scared, but she will be sleeping on the couch and the kids will be here. Still haven't gotten her a gift yet.

That is so weird. Talk about living in a fantasy. Definitely proves she doesn't 'fear' you.

Is there a place that the two of you went that was memorable? Did you two call each other pet names? An inside joke with just the two of you? Some funny story from something in your relationship, even before kids, that you can represent by something. My WH used to say, "Love you lots and lot of tinker tots." I would have bought a tinker tot, to remind him of that. Brainstorm. You don't have much time.

Have you gotten the kids to make her something? That would be cool. Something maybe with their handprints. Us moms are suckers for that. Something like this. http://crafts.kaboose.com/handpoem.html

G,

I wanted to caution you about the keylogger, especially since she is out of the home. In some states this could be considered a felony, even breaking into someone's e-mail. You don't want to have problems with custody arrangements and such, thus I wouldn't reveal directly anything you find out.

All the best,

ba

Yes, let her spend Christmas Eve.

When she is there, be gentlemanly (no matter what) and invite her to sleep in the master bed with you. You don't need to think s*X.....just cozy marital warmth in the center of the family home.....the bed. She can say no, you be gracious, no pressure, just a gentlemanly invite. BTW....you sleep in the master bed no matter whether she chooses to or not.

K?

If your marriage does not survive, this will be a sweet memory for her, for you (either way whether she chose to join you there or not)

Plan A.

WW wants to sleep over on Christmas Eve,,,she will be sleeping on the couch and the kids will be here

"NG the Bookmaker" is accepting wagers on whether she actually does, or very late in the process finds an excuse to upset the plans. I'm opening the book at 7-to-5 for the latter.

Dangle, retract, dangle, disappoint - all from Chapter 2 of the guide I referenced yesterday.

Do NOT invest jack-doody in preparing for this event. (Personally, I'd decline to give her permission for the temporary co-habitation, with the "I-am-afraid-of-you" crap still floating around, and a mind to giving her a preview of the kinds of holidays she can expect going forward. But, that's probably just my innate cynicism speaking....)

I was going to say invite her, document with pics/email/text whatever and keep it as proof that she cant be afriad of you.

She's unaware so far.

The invite will be there. She'll decline, but that's ok.

Oh she'll be here. It's what the kids want. She doesn't have the heart to push this envelope. She needs to earn credibility with them. This is one way in doing that.

My, my - what a reversal of attitude on her part. She wants to spend the night in a house with the same guy she's afraid of?? That certainly kicks the legs out from under the 'I'm afraid of my husband' report that she made.

One the one hand, it would deal a heavy blow to her story, and that would be good for you. However, I'd have that place wired for sound if she does stay. And throw a couple of small cameras in common areas and your bedroom.

She's never been the typical woman that likes and appreciates normal women things. I know she likes purses and jeans. She doesn't get sentimental.

Oh I'm not a typical girl by any stretch of the imagination, believe me. When it comes to things from my kids, that mark a time in their lives, it's totally different. She may not react in a way you expect, but I think it will be a great gesture. Remember, Plan A is meant to show what kind of a husband you should be. You can think of it as practice for the next relationship you have, even if it's not with your WW.

I'd say try something meaningful, and let it do whatever it does.

I wonder if Dr Harley disapproves or recommends waywards read SAA.

Well the simple logic of it would tell me no. A moderately smart wayward would be able to pick up some pretty good tips and tricks about how to cover an affair pretty well with just a little reading between the lines. In addition, a current wayward cannot survive the affair. It has to be over in order to *survive* it by the very fact that it's designed towards recovery.

CV

The reason I ask is because it addresses the betrayed and the wayward reading it in the beginning of the book.

I don't think an active wayward would read it. Would comprehend a sentence.

You could leave your copy around on table tops in visible places and if asked, mention you are reading it and find it to be well written. That would set a reference for the future should the affair ever end and the recovery commence.

Hmmm, when the wayward is still in denial, the likely response would be "Surviving an affair? What affair?" Sort of defeats the purpose.

I thought your WW was still in denial about being active with OM?

Also, if you follow Art of War style, the active WS reading the book would be equipping the enemy with your strategy and information.

I take comfort that my WH has no idea of why he is having an affair (other than being soulmate schmoopies of course). He doesn't know of EN's, LB$ or lovebusters. So if we divorce, and he marries the skank, in all likelihood he or she will be betrayed in time to come. Karma. So I choose not to equip the enemy

I guess it's not important for her to read the book. I think right now WW is trying to find her own way. She's in deep thought when I see her and she has a calmer attitude (less defensive). I believe at this point, she's observing me to see how I would handle things if she were to come to me about recovering the marriage. It's too early to tell, but I still let her know I'm here for her. I'm sure she feels my kindness.

I don't have any expectations at all. I do believe she's on the fence about our marriage vs her independence. She came by this evening to check on me because my back was hurting after running my combat fitness test. She actually laid in our bed and fell asleep. She hasn't laid on it in over a month. Not that it's a sign or anything, but it was nice. Hopefully my Plan A will eventually bring her around.

I decided to buy her running shoes and workout clothes for Christmas. It's not a typical gift, but she enjoys her job and working out. I sure miss her daily. Everyone says she doesn't deserve me. My DS11 told me this morning he didn't want us back together because she would do this again. I didn't even know what to say because he's probably right. I imagine after Christmas WW and I won't see each other too much.