This is true. The military has a way of doing things that seem harsh until they actually begin to play out. They are very good at holding their cards. Finding that new password may be what you need when you walk in there for your charges and present it as "I had reason for this".

CV

As far as the military is concerned, I feel at peace with what I did because I had to in order to protect my family. The A has gone so far underground that the OMW and I were the only ones who could stop it and needed each other's help. She rolled on me, but not before we got the information we needed. I'll answer to whoever I need to answer to and move on. I'll still keep my rank and be able to retire if I choose too. My support for my children isn't in jeopardy.

WW came over on Saturday around 2:00 with the kids. She promised them that she would take them to the movies. It never happened. Then she said she would make dinner. That didn't happen. She also promised to make cookies for the kids when we returned from eating at a restaurant. That didn't happen either. When we got back, she fell asleep. I made the cookies for the kids and we had a good time. WW was supposed to help me wrap gifts as well. I wrapped them all myself. DD13 said it was the worst Christmas ever. I tried to talk to her to make her feel better, but it didn't help. DS8 was disappointed as well. I was feeling like Christmas would be a disaster.

I didn't go to sleep until around 4 AM. I didn't trust WW to be there. Around 8:30AM, DS8 woke up and he opened his gifts. I woke the other two up and they opened their gifts. The day got better as time went on. WW and I talked here and there and she made dinner. I went to the garage with DS11 to try out his new punching bag and when I came in, WW was vacuuming. I was stunned. We functioned like a family all day. She said she missed everything about not being home. She didn't say she wanted to come back, but she got a taste of what a happy family was again.

WW and kids stayed til about 10:30PM Christmas night and DS11 stayed the night with me. It was a good day. Yesterday went back to normal and I had to wake myself back up again and get back to reality. Now I'm back at work and not looking forward to making that walk down the hall when my name is called.

Thank you for the update.
We all understand what you are going through. Hang in there as you have been.

GJM-


Your DS8 didn't wake up until 8:30 on Christmas and you had to wake the other two up??? My kids didn't sleep that late on Christmas until they were in high school.

Some kids sleep later.

I had MANY friends on FB say the same thing. I had to tell my DS11, at 1045pm on Christmas eve, that he was NOT allowed to wake me up until 6 am(as I stay up until 2am to watch A Christmas Carol). They slept in a little. I was awoken at 640am. They stayed awake until 130am Christmas Day too. It's a good thing they have some time off of school(they go back Jan 8th) so they can catch up on their sleep.

Sleeping til 830 isn't the norm for the kids. They've been through a lot and things just aren't the same anymore so it's understandable. Once we got going, the day was great. I'm taking the boys to a football game tomorrow. It's the Holiday Bowl. They're excited. Not sure how WW feels because it's her week, but she said it was ok.

My parents used to tell me that my little brother (7 years younger) was going to come to my room when he got up on Christmas until it was time to open gifts.

Gift time was 7 am. He used to arrive around 5. To this day my parents don't know about our dresser-to-bed trampoline...but one day I will tell his kids

My nephews (age 5 and 7) slept until 9am on Christmas day... and only got up then because my brother was an impatient father waking them up to see their reactions to Santa!

And GJM, I'd just like to say well done on another stellar Plan A moment. I really feel for you when you say Boxing day was getting back to reality. Please be kind to yourself, Plan A is HARD.

How was the game, GJM, and how have you been doing?

The game was great. The boys had a good time. It was cold, but we had fun. My oldest boy came over today to work out. We hung out for about 4 hours. I get the kids back tomorrow so I'm looking forward to that.

As far as how I'm doing, I'm hanging in there. I didn't have to make the walk down the hall this week. We'll see what happens next week. I've been laying low. I've had dinner with WW and the kids this week, but not much talking has taken place between WW and I. I think she's moving on. I am trying to as well. I'm still being nice, but the longer time goes by, the less I see WW caring as much. The distance is growing further with each day.

I pray every night and I take care of myself. I make sure I get dressed when I see WW. I know I shouldn't speculate, but she gets a lot of attention from friends and patrons at her work. I think that helps her move forward. I know that those people aren't me, but I think it will take a lot of failures for her to realize what she lost. All I know for sure is I'm trying to keep busy and I'm trying not to focus on her. It's hard. I want to reach out to her, but I can't. I didn't deserve what she did to me on more than one occasion. Maybe it's time I just start loving myself and see where it goes. I don't want to end up hating her. I don't want to be her friend either. So here I am in limbo.

GJM - I am in the same boat. My WH has moved out, and his affair has ended so far. My WH is waiting for his divorce so he can "legitimately" chase his OW.

We have many kids that are very small, and he rarely sees them. His friends are single/divorced (most without kids). He is 360 degrees different than when he was married to me. His freedom from the marriage seems almost like his new HIGH today.


This is an opportunity for you. Your wife is still wayward, hence her value system is running at the lower bar. The attention she is seeking and/or receiving is an illusion. She is only getting it from those with the same set of values (scumbag level values).

This likely means she is seeking attention from all the wrong people, places, and things because she feels like crap on her insides and isn't ready to do the hardwork to make herself feel better.

If you have it in you, this maybe an opportunity to really Plan A her. If you want her back and/or a saved marriage this does open a door for you.

It does suck to have to compete for your wife. What you have going for you is your value system is at a much higher level. Hence your self esteem isn't in the gutter like hers.

My WH (who is military) is currently in the same position as your wife. He has now associated himself with those low-lifes he feels will give him the admiration he needs. He has a ton of kids, and has thrown away his heritage for his OW (military too).

I am in Plan B because his new life is painful for me as a woman. I find his behavior deplorable and absolutely horrific. Something I am debating is if I will try to Plan A him in the coming year again when my strength is back up some. I like Plan B, but I don't necessarily feel finished with my marriage.

It is up to you and you know how much strength you have to give. You best option today is to Plan A her to compete against the scumbags that are trying to get her to only use her.

Good men who know she had an adulterous affair that destroyed a military man's career will not come within 10 feet of your wife. She has to settle for crap men today, because she smells of rotting sewage adultery today.

I want to reach out to her, but I can't. I didn't deserve what she did to me on more than one occasion. Maybe it's time I just start loving myself and see where it goes. I don't want to end up hating her. I don't want to be her friend either. So here I am in limbo Plan B.

I few years ago I read a study about survivors of disasters. (Bear with me on this, I'll reach pertinence eventually.) Anyway, what the researchers discovered was that those who survived in deadly environments, did so by almost playing a game with what was facing them, subconsciously deciding that the most deadly threat would NOT be the one that overtook them. If they were stranded in Arctic conditions, then, the deal would be NOT to die of hypothermia, even if starvation might prevail. I used that mindset in times of facing multiple busines/personal challenges (Thankfully only one or two being life-threatening), and it offered me mental resolution when choosing one from several difficult paths.

As I see it, the biggest threat to the future happiness of yourself and your children is possible disciplinary actions by command, so you MUST hew the line on their no-contact mandate. Nothing WW can do to you (or do to herself) can impact your family as much as your losing status with your superiors.

WW is going to do what she wants, and with whoever she wants. Start building your Plan B wall now to prevent damage to what is important to you.

I disagree with this. You don't show her what Plan B will be like and trickle Plan B her. It is meant to be like SHOCK and AWE. What you do is Plan A, be the man you should be, one she would want to be with, and then, BAM, Plan B. She gets NOTHING. That is the way it is meant to be.

You don't live with her, so you don't have to be on your best every moment, but you DO need to be at your Plan A best every moment.

I know it can get discouraging seeing her not reacting to what you are doing, or reacting in ways that aren't encouraging to you. You shouldn't even be worried about what she thinks about it.

I was happy to read that there isn't much talking being done between the 2 of you, because relationship talk is not going to help your Plan A efforts right now.

When are you going to enter Plan B? Will you be able to pull of a spectacular Plan A until then? What Plan A type things can you do today?

That's a good question about what I can do to Plan A. WW asked to stop by this morning and she told me that she missed me and she was trying to get past the anger of DS11 not talking to her because I got him involved. She said she has days where she feels like she's angry and days where she is just trying to cope with everything. Since I don't see her very much, I didn't engage in the conversation because it would have been a finger pointing match. I just listened and didn't respond to the talk about our son. When I do see her I usually ask how her day was, how work was and how her workout went. She asks me about my day and I smile and tell her, but that's about it. WW told me that she cares about me and my career and doesn't want anything to happen to me. I find myself running out of things to say.

When do you plan to go to Plan B, G?

I'm not sure. I'm still doing the best Plan A I can think of. It seems like the storm is passing so I'll just observe and continue to be thoughtful and sincere and see where it takes me.

I should be used to fog babble by now, but Im not. Your little man is smarter than a freshly painted house. It just makes me angry that she does see the sense and accuracy in her son's judgement - but dodges it any way.

Good job, not getting dragged into finger pointing. Plan A is working on her as well as it can do. Her guilt is clearly activated and she is tempted by the goods on offer. However only time and her own self will decide if she is willing to be a good person or take responsibility.

Okay, tomorrow is a new day. Will you be speaking with her at all tomorrow?

What are her top 5 ENs? When you get yourself focused an a kick butt Plan A, then you can focus on getting ready for Plan B, because you will have done everything you could.