The eblaster stop sending updates. Maybe the computer detected it? I guess I will need to reinstall when he is not around.
I could not install in his other computer yet. or the blackberry.
And he said he was going out with some friends, and he won't be seeing them again. Nothing to do with the OW from before.
Who knows? I really need the spyware to work.

Can you hire a PI to tail him? I suspect the OW is in town and he is with her.

He is home today. He is not going anywhere until next year.
Whatever was keeping him in NY is not there anymore.
I am so angry, I do not know what to do. I cannot get to his computer. I asked him to leave (nicely, by e-mail) but he ignored.
He wants to make plans to visit friends with the kids this weekend, I do not want to go anywhere with him.
At the same time, it is so painful.

Get his phone and get the spyware on it!

And if you can, hire a PI to follow him the next time he goes out. Is he taking the kids to meet the OW?

No, he wants us (as a family) to go visit other friends (and their families).
We were invited to a holiday party, stuff like that.
I am not sure if there is a OW around all the time, as his behavior of lies is only during certain days, so she might be leaving elsewhere, and they meet only when she is in town.

estrela, go with him. You need to stop confronting him and be more strategic. Be like JAMES BOND. Be quiet and don't say anything to him until you have the evidence, ok?

Be STRATEGIC.

Have you ever watched a James Bond movie?

Melody - I am the opposite of James Bond!
Butm I will go with him. Will try to be more cool about it. I was getting desperate but I am back now.
Also back to business, WH left for an hour to play tennis, and I spent this hour with a really nice Spector hotline helper and was able to hook his two computers properly. The laptop I cannot because it belongs to the company he is working for, and the blackberry will be a challenge, but I will get there.
Will post here when I get news!
Thanks!!!!!!

You need to check the settings and change them to suit you. I very much doubt that there is anything wrong with the eblaster.

Mine is set to send a report when someone logs off (not when they log on) and also when they use certain types of email. For emails, it sends a contemporaneous report while they are typing. Mine seems unable to catch gmail while an email is actually being typed, and neither does it recognise my work-based Outlook Web Access emails, but it does catch hotmail in use.

However, even though it cannot catch gmail or Outlook emails while they are being typed, it still tracks every keystroke for each user and sends that report when they log off - so you see the emails anyway, just not contemporaneously.

In other words, under my settings, I get no reports if the PC is not is use. I was tired of getting empty reports every hour, so I changed the setting.

Check your settings. There are about 5 tabbed pages to work through.

You are in a wait-and-see mode at the moment, and as Mel says, you must stop confronting him about the affair. All you are doing is alerting to him the fact that he should change his behaviour because you are watching him. You do not want him to tell his affair partner to hold off for a few weeks until your suspicions die down. You'll be spending money on a PI for nothing.

How you behave is as though you accept his word. I don't think you can see this as a formal Plan A yet, because in Plan A, the first thing you do is expose, and you cannot do that.

Just do what you would normally do for the next week or so with everyone at home for the holidays, and stop talking about the affair. Wait for the PI or keylogger to deliver evidence and even then, do not confront him straight away. Come back here for advice when you have evidence. When you see how deep the affair is (or how short-lived, possibly) you will take that into consideration when deciding whether to work on rebuilding the marriage. At that stage we can advise you on what to do.

That's brilliant news, estrela!

You are doing good!! But you need to get spyware on his phone and his laptop. If you are not hooked up to the company server YOU CAN install it. Try and get it on his laptop!

OK. I will try that also. I thought it could be illegal or something.
In any case, his new credit card statement just came in, and I saw a suspicious activity as recent as Dec 7, 3 days before our wedding anniversary. So many lies it hurts my stomach (literally).

estrela. It is not unusual for an executive's assistant to call the business where the purchase made and ask for a copy of the receipt for the charge on Dec 7... for the executive's expense report. I have gotten that request many times in my various places of employment.

Just saying.

Just called the opera house and they gave me the details. Here is the story:
He invited my to go to the opera on our wedding anniversary (Dec 10).
On the same day he bought tickets for us, he also bought tickets, for the SAME opera, for Dec 7.
I remember now he suggested we go see the afternoon opera, and since it did not work with my schedule he agreed to go in the evening. That's why, he saw the same opera twice, with different people. And I remember this day he told me someone from the Israeli office was in town and he needed to go meet with him. It did sounded fishy at the time.
It looks like it's a new woman. Usually you would try to impress a new woman taking her to the opera. Then, he felt guilty and invited me also.
Is it case to start calling attorneys? Anyone can recommend one in NJ area?

Is he currently using that computer? Eblaster will quit sending notices after a period of inactivity. It starts sending again when activity resumes.

No. You don't have a case. Speculation is not a case. Focus on getting the goods.

The problem, Estrela, is that your husband is allowed to lead a secret second life.

It should be working again. Thanks.
I did not test it since he is not home yet.
Actually, the A might be related to tennis.
He's been playing a lot recently and might got involved with someone who also plays.

Yup. My FWH used to do the same thing. He would buy something for both of us at the same time.

My mistake was to confront him because he could always explain it away. Oh that lingerie was just a joke present for the office...etc etc. It also alerted FWH that he needed to be smarter in his deception.

At least now you know that you are not imagining things. Find out what is really going on here and who OW is.

Be smart. Deep breathes.

Pokerface - how did you end up together? He changed his ways?

He is my dear dear husband now after making radical changes in his lifestyle. I had my doubts that he would be able to change... but he did.

I had to make some serious changes to myself also.

The first step is to kill the affair. You cannot do that until you know exactly what is going on and with whom. Your WH will not tell you himself. Don't ask him.